Genesis

Noah, Samuel and I have joined Bible Study Fellowship again this year - the study of Genesis. This is the first year I've taken the older kids, although Noah attended when he was a preschooler. I was excited to return to such an in-depth study and love the Old Testament, but I suppose I felt like Genesis was really familiar to me and maybe I wouldn't have as much to learn as in previous years. The beautiful thing about our Lord, is that He always has more in store for you than you can imagine.

I've learned a lot from the various studies I have attended - history, culture, details, laws, God's love, His attention to detail, accountability, Christ's sacrifice, the commandments and why... but I think what I am learning from Genesis is that God wants us to comprehend to the best of our ability just how awesome He is and I mean awesome in the true meaning of the sense, worthy of awe.

I've always adored Albert Einstein and I adore science. I adore that Albert's great insight was that matter and energy are closely interwoven, that matter can be made from energy. What we see is made from what we do not see. God doesn't share how, but I find immense pleasure in the consistency of science demonstrating the Bible to be true. This is true in midwifery as well. Science continues to prove that the created plan for birthing babies is the safest method, with minimal interventions, is far superior than trusting in man's technology for sake of convenience or in fear.

I love as I read through Genesis that for the first time, I can see beyond the majestic creation and sense the Lord's excitement in his work. He delighted in His creation. He was thrilled at how much it would please his children. It causes me to consider my own stewardship. As I created my practice, poured my heart into it and saw that it was good, would I have even considered handing it over to someone who I knew would destroy it in front of my eyes? Do I give proper consideration to our natural world and do I rejoice in it's grandeur? Have I taught my children how to love and care for our world?

I suppose the Lord was satisfied, in spite of the suffering He may endure as we destroy His earth. The Lord Jesus Christ was satisfied in spite of His own suffering as we misunderstood and hung our savior on a cross. These past few years, and I feel so small in making such a comparison, I have been blessed with contentment. I have been ridiculed, isolated, ostracized, and mocked for my calling, and in spite of that, the Lord has provided great peace and contentment.

Heaven is the component of His creation that is left untold within Genesis, and to a large degree throughout the Word. The Lord separated the heavens from the earth in Genesis 1:1 and then all that comes after details His work on earth. I am still chewing on why this might be and what it means for us, but I am also perfectly distracted by the knowledge that He put the Holy Spirit within us to move us (Ezekiel 36:26-27) and like a love letter from Christ, the Holy Spirit is like ink on our hearts (2 Corinthians 3:3). We are to find focus here on earth and not become so heavenly bound we aren't any earthly good.

Did you realize that since the 20th century, scientists have rejected the idea that the universe has always existed? It's funny that I've always considered the debates of how the earth began, whether from an overwhelmingly huge explosion or God's spoken word, but I've never considered that they all agree - there was a beginning. Can you imagine though, never questioning the beginning of time, assuming that our reality has always existed and then one day "man" recognizes differently and all that you believed to be true is put into question. Every generation believes their way of life is complete truth, the best of the best, there is no other way, which is the twilight zone I live in as a midwife. People are fooled by their narrow-mindedness.

There are no dates in Genesis. Many have concluded that the earth was created in seven twenty-four hour days, but whose to say the first "day" wasn't a million years? The days were simply divided by the sun and these were God's work days, which should be measured in a divine way. Biblical genealogies too, use the term "son" for "descendants" so again, there may be generations between each record we are provided.

New for me this year too, is the vision of the Lord hovering upon the dark when His creation was still formless chaos. He was broody and cherishing His plan, His creation, and then said, "Let there be light." And there was. I take comfort in knowing the Holy Spirit is hovering over me.

Judas never questioned, argued or participated. He was a passive walker with Christ. He had clean feet but a dirty heart.

Ministry

Notes from my old journal - I must stand guard that my women's ministry does not become too comfortable. What compells me to do this ministry? What if everyone says no? What would compell me then? Is this what I want - or what God needs?

Too much who has been given - much is going to be expected - Jodi Lamb.

Psalms 119:37 Have a Vision
Vision changes our attitude. "Lord, this is your moment. This is where you take control!"

If you are working in a ministry God has not called you - you are holding someone back who is called. I have certainly felt the heart-break of that fact.

"Rejoice in the Lord always..." Phil 4:4 Whistle while you work!

Faith Evangelism Wisdom

Faith - I Cor 12:9
The Greek word used for faith is pistis. Conviction, confidence, trust, belief, reliance, trustworthiness, and persuasion. It is the divinely implanted principle of inward confidence, assurance, trust, and reliance in God and all that He says. It is the ability to envision what God wants to happen and to be certain He is going to make it happen in response to prayer even when there is no concrete evidence available. Spontaneously granted spiritual ability to release the energy of God for any given action or need.

Evangelism - Eph 4:11
The ability to present the Gospel to unbelievers in such a clear and meaningful way that people respond and become believers. The term "evangelist" comes from a Greek word meaning "one who announces good news."

Wisdom - 1 Cor 12:8
The ability to regulate one's relationship with God by being able to apply God's truth to an immediate problem or need and help others do the same. The Greek word is sophia which means practical, prudence, skill, comprehensive insight. Insight into the true nature of things.

Healing Oils

I've shared before that I am inspired to learn more about healing oils, particularly those used in the Bible.

What knowledge can I gain about the healing oils used by the ancient Hebrews? What oils did Jesus and his disciples use to heal? Was God teaching us that the earth can provide us with healing substances for our bodies, mind and spirits? What exactly does it mean to anoint?

Anointing is not just placing one's thumb in olive oil and pressing it to another's head. It is a sacred connection to God. It was a way of recognizing the coming together of the spiritual world and the physical world. Oil became a symbol of the healing power of the Divine breaking through their lives. It was a sign of unique blessing from God that was at once healing and sustaining. As one anoints, one offers prayer. However, the power to heal is not exclusively in word of a prayer either. There is also healing in the oil itself.

Jesus taught his disciples how to anoint and then sent them out to heal and anoint all those who were ill in body and mind. Surely he wasn't encouraging the use of cooking oil. Clearly, all wise Jews were well aware of which oils had healing properties, as they were the common medicines of their day. Oils like frankincense, myrrh, cedarwood, spikenard, and hyssop were quite common.

Proverbs 21:20 states:
"Precious treasure and oil remain in the house of the wise."

Ezekiel 42:12 states:
"Their fruit [from trees] will be for food and their leaves for healing."

Ministry, which I believe my practice as a midwife is exactly, implies being an instrument or vessel through which God's healing power flows. Blessing another is not strictly the prerogative of a priest. All blessings come from one source, our Father. We are a conduit.

It is unfortunate that the Bible doesn't offer more formulas for healing. Likely these were simply passed down through the generations and as the books were written, healing oils and ointments were so commonplace that everyone knew about them and how to use them. During Christ's time on earth, oils were common practice for healing.

Luke 10:33-35 states:
"A Samaritan while traveling came near him [the wounded man], and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him."

Oils were expensive. The lesson in this scripture is not simply that a Samaritan who was looked down upon by Jewish culture was receptive and gracious, but that he generously offered his precious oils and wines. We are advised to be as generous and caring in the healing of others.

Remember Mary of Bethany anointing Jesus shortly before his death? Mark 14: 3-6, 8-9:
"A woman came with an alabaster jar of very costly ointment of nard [a blend of spikenard and myrrh] and she broke open the jar and poured the ointment on his head. But some were there who said to one another in anger, 'Why was the ointment wasted in this way? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii, and the money given to the poor.' And they scolded her. But Jesus said 'Let her alone; why do you trouble her? She has performed a good service for me...She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for its burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the good news is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her."

Moses was given a formula of four oils to help sustain his people for the journey. Modern science has identified these four oils as highly antimicrobial, antiviral and antibacterial as well as immune stimulating. He was told to take 500 shekels of myrrh, 500 shekels of cinnamon, 250 shekels of cassia, 250 shekels of calamus and put them in a hin of olive oil. (A shekel is half an ounce and a hin is approximately two cups.)

1 Chronicles 9:30 discusses those who mix this blend as the "apothecaries" or "perfumers." This special oil blend was for anointing the dwelling, furniture and all those who dwelt in the home. It was rendering the home and its occupants holy.

Interestingly, we can't replicate this formula today because we don't know the true botanical origin of myrrh and calamus. Apparently there were nine different species of myrrh available at the time of Moses and currently there are more than  80 species recognized.

The Lord is inspiring me to reawaken to the healing abilities of these medicines of the earth. Using them in my Christian healing ministry then only seems natural.

Midwifery without Fear

I have had some particularly challenging times in my life. I've come to appreciate faith as a spiritual gift that each believer is not equally gifted. I have witnessed sisters in Christ, great beacons of light, crumble in fear of man. As a homebirth midwife, one must get their eyes off their own weaknesses and inabilities and focus on God's provisions. The world will hate you.

 II Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.

A snare is a trap. It's something that holds you and stops you in your tracks. It prevents you from moving freely and being able to make forward progress. It's not God that brings a snare; it's the fear of man that brings the snare.

Homebirth midwives often feel like the men of Israel facing Goliath. They focus on Goliath and his imposing stature. They can't see past the obstacle in front of them, albeit a formidable obstacle. The successful midwife faces him like David. They don't flee in fear. They rely on God's strength and ability.

God's message throughout the Word is, "Fear not." When Mary was presented by the angel, she had questions. Her questions were answered because she wasn't afraid to ask. Her focus was fixed on God and His Word. Rather than allowing fear and her own concerns to dictate the situation, Mary sought answers and trusted God.

The Lord can deliver us out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear... II Timothy states he has saved us from fear through power, love and a sound mind. The Holy Spirit gives us power. With His power we can expect His super abundant blessings. Love is the antidote for fear. Love is the light in darkness.

In addition to His love and power, God has given us a sound mind. We gain victory in believing God's Word and then disciplining our minds to carry it out. God gave us the ability to choose the thoughts we think. We can choose to think and believe God's Word in each challenging situation. As we do, we eliminate fear.

A sound mind means to be sober-minded, controlling negative thoughts with self-restraint. A sound mind demonstrates good judgment and wisdom. Disciplined thinking. Our lives are determined by what we think. Our lives are determined by what we believe. Since all believing starts with thinking, we want to discipline our sound minds to think of ourselves as God sees us.

We must not float along in our mind, day-dreaming or fantasizing freely. There is a duty to be a disciplined thinker. The power to determine what you will not think about is a valuable aid in resisting temptation. Do not allow mental, moral, or spiritual deterioration. Have knowledge of yourself. Know where you are and redirect yourself. I have often asked God, "remove these thoughts from my head." He has done so immediately, every single time.

The key is to run from these thoughts. Don't dwell. Keeping our minds on God allows us to enjoy His perfect peace. What we think on we will manifest. We cannot rise above what we think.

Romans 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Seven Feasts

Several years ago I stumbled upon a book (can't find the exact title now, must have loaned out the book) that inspired me to learn more, and learn to honor the seven feasts of Israel, even giving more appreciation to honoring the Sabbath. Believers in Christ are not responsible to keep these feasts, of course, but a knowledge of them greatly enhances their faith. The Lord kept every one of them without fail, even celebrating Passover on His last earthly night.

Passover

The festival year begins with Passover, to be held at the beginning of spring. Leviticus 23 gives us a date for the Passover, but as I understand, the Lord's calendar is lunar based on the phases of the moon rather than the earth's revolutions around the sun. Each month starts with a new moon, reaching a full moon in the midst of the twenty-eight day cycle. Therefore, Passover always falls on a full moon - the first full moon of spring. The approximate twenty-eight day lunar cycle is harmonious throughout nature; the tides of the seas rise and fall with the moon and even the menstrual cycle seems to obey this particular time cycle. The moon makes for a better calendar because it changes every night. Those accustomed to a lunar calendar can estimate on a clear night what day of the month it was. Of course, the sun does not change daily. Interestingly, God potentially preferred the moon for calendar dating since the sun, and its magnificence, was often idolized and was inevitably the leading form of paganism. Hebrew literature demonstrates that God's intention was that day began at sundown, or moonrise. "And the evening and the morning were the first day..." Genesis 1:5

The almond tree blooms at the end of winter with the most noticeable flowing of white flowers. Even if one cannot read, they can appreciate the blooms and with the next full moon, celebrate the Passover. All the other feasts are numbered from that given point.

The Passover is the feast of salvation. On this day, because of the blood of the lamb the Hebrew nation was delivered from bondage. The blood of the lamb delivers from slavery - the Jew from Egypt, the Christian from sin. It is no mere coincidence then that our Lord was sacrificed on the Passover. At the meal, the Lord stated, "This is My blood of the New Testament shed for many for remission of sin" (Matthew 26:27). John the Baptist clearly marked out the person of Jesus Christ as a blood sacrifice when he stated, "Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world" (John 1:29). The Christian celebrates the Passover by participating in the sacrifice of the Lord. The Jew marked his house with the blood of the lamb, adn today the Christian marks his house - his body - with the blood of Christ. The Angel of Death will pass over each Christian as surely as he passed over each Israelite in Egypt.

The seven feasts illustrate a principle in the Lord's prophetic plan. Some have been fulfilled. Some are prophesied to be fulfilled. The Passover represents our salvation. We don't keep the feast in remembrance of the exodus from Egypt per se, but because the Lord instructed us to "Do this in remembrance of Me."

Unleavened Bread

The second feast begins on the next night (Lev. 23:6). God told the Jews to eat only the pure unleavened bread during the week following Passover. Leaven in the Bible symbolized sin and evil. Unleavened bread, eaten over a period of time (seven days), symbolized a holy walk, as with the Lord. Read Paul's comments regarding the feast of Passover and Unleavened Bread in 1 Cor 5:7-8.

The Unleavened bread in the New Testament is of course the body of our Lord. He is described as the bread of life. God performed this exact ceremony with the burial of Jesus, our precious piece of unleavened bread, and more importantly, He performed it on the exact day of the feast. Once again, the required feast was fulfilled in a remarkable and unmistakable way.

Christ's body was buried in time for the scheduled feast.

First Fruits

The third feast is held on the Sunday following Unleavened Bread. We have come to call this feast, Easter. It is said that the name was given after the Babylonian goddess, Ishtar, the pagan goddess of fertility. The objects of Easter, the rabbit, the egg, new costumes, are all objects of fertility. By not using the term "First Fruits" we miss a very important Biblical truth: "first" implies a second, a third, and so on, and that is the real meaning of the feast. We do not just celebrate the resurrection of the Lord on First Fruits, but also the resurrection of the entire Chruch. "Every man in his own order." 1 Cor 15:23

The real celebration of this feast, is that we, ordinary mortal sinners will experience this resurrection! We are all numbered and Jesus Christ is number one; He was the First Fruits - the first man permanently resurrected. There will be a magnificent harvest later on.

First Fruits was the last of the feasts that the Lord was seen personally fulfilling on earth.

Fifty days after the First Fruits, the fourth feast, Pentecost

Pentecost occurs on Sunday again. Quite a few directions are given which show God's careful planning for the future: a greater harvest of souls (Acts 1:3) than what was presented at First Fruits with the deliverance of the Holy Spirit. Christ was crucified on Passover, buried on Unleavened Bread, raised on First Fruits, and had sent the Holy Spirit on Pentecost. We remain workers in the field until the great harvest marked by the next feast.

Trumpets

God seemed to enjoy hearing the trumpets blown. He used them when Joshua conquered Jericho. He also specified their use in the Year of Jubilee. God even instructed Moses about trumpets on Mt. Sinai, in regard to our fifth feast. (Lev 23:24)

There is a great span of time here. The first three feasts were all within the first month (April). Pentecost was at the early part of summer (May or June). Now we are in the seventh month, in September and the trumpet unquestionably represents the Rapture of the Church. It was the signal for the field workers to come into the Temple. The Jews and Arabs would work side by side in the fields. At the sound of the trumpet the Jew would leave immediately for worship, even if there were more crops to bring in. The Arab, having different beliefs, would keep working. Thus the Lord stated, "Where there are two working in a field, I'll take one and leave the other."

Trumpets and Rapture: 1 Thess. 4:16-17 & 1 Cor 15:51-52. The triumph of mighty Joshua at Jericho is a type of the Rapture of the Church. There, the people shouted and blew on trumpets, and the walls fell down, and each man "ascended up" into the city. Beautiful Jericho, with it's flower gardens and citrus fruits, is a gorgeous oasis in a very arid wilderness. It was the place where God chose to take His people into their Promised Land. It was their first sight of anything but hopeless desert for some forty years. Likewise, with the Christians, our glimpse of heaven, at the Rapture, will represent the end of a long journey for each of us through the wilderness. The entire story of the exodus - the story of Passover, our first feast - illustrates the salvation of the believer. First, there was the blood of the lamb, which delivered him from death, then the trip through the Red Sea - baptism, then the wandering in the wilderness - this life on earth, and finally , Jericho - heaven, when the trumpets sound. There is a very close comparison between the verses, Joshua 6:5 and 1 Thes 4:16-17. If the Israelites could believe that their exalted group of men, women, and children could cross the Jordan and assault mighty Jericho, with its huge walls, and somehow take the city, then the Christian can equally believe that he can rise off the earth and meet the Lord in the air.

The Church will be taken out of the world, and God will move on to the difficult fulfillment of the next and most sacred of Jewish feasts.

Atonement

The Jew either lived or died. This was the day of confession. This was the day the High Priest of Israel entered the fearsome Holy of Holies, where God Himself dwelt (Lev 16). Twenty-four hours of confession. All day. All night. Confession. This is the one feast which is not fulfilled by the Church, because the Church owes no atonement. The Church is not innocent of course, but it is exonerated.

Tabernacles

Each year on Tabernacles, the fifteenth day of the seventh month, or the seventh full moon of the year, devout Jews build little shelters outside their houses, and worship in them. Tabernacles represents the Lord's shelter in the world to come. This seventh feast, commemorated faithfully by Jesus (John 7), is the one feast that we are assured will be an important part of kingdom worship. The Lord will establish His tabernacle in Jerusalem (Ezekiel 37:26-27), and all the world will come every year to appear before the King and worship Him. How perfect a conclusion to each festival year in the schedule of the feasts!

Essential Oils

This past weekend the kids and I traveled to Chicago so I could attend an aromatherapy intensive. You can visit www.RaindropTraining.com for further information on the courses I attended, but briefly I attended an aromatherapy course, Vita Flex, Raindrop therapy, Emotional Release and Essential Oils of the Bible.

The weekend was rather intriguing, in many ways, and I am sure I'll share a great deal of my thoughts as time goes by, but for now, I stick with sharing some interesting information from my chemistry class. Keep reading...it might intrigue you too!

The first full day of my workshop discussed essential oil chemistry. I'll admit the weekend was an extreme challenge for me in that while I do feel as if God is leading me to learn more about His oils, just like midwifery there is great temptation in the field to create idols of the tools with which we work and those with which we feel have greater gift than our self. The profession overall has a large New Age influence and is often perceived as witchcraft, which sometimes is valid. Other times however, it evolves because modern Christians have put our Lord into a box. He has been limited to The Comforter, or Our Father, or The Counselor. He manifests Himself as all of these and more... most easily forgotten, Our Great Physician.

The Lord grew my faith through the study of human lactation and later, midwifery. Now I am finding Him in healing oils. Psalm 19, "The heaves are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims his handiwork." Our Lord isn't only about the grandeur of galaxies and the infinite scale of the cosmos, but He is also experienced in the infinitesimally small. Molecules do in fact, proclaim His handiwork.

Vibratory medicine. Heard of it? Geophysics or theoretical seismology. New term? Wave phenomena. If we better understand how and why essential oils work, we can apply and use them better and more effectively. "And since your belief has something to do with how well oils perform, perhaps a little science will increase the level of your faith," states Stuart, the author of The Chemistry of Essential Oils: Made Simple.

To be completely frank, I have a medical background and want to know if there is science to support the practice of aromatherapy. The Lord seems to be teaching me that healing, particularly with essential oils is intuitive and spiritual, a gift acquired by one's receptivity to the Divine.

God is the source of all knowledge and makes this available to us, to increase our intuitive gifts without limit. Healing arts of antiquity were closely allied with religion in cultures throughout the world. The same is true of our first scientists. They sought to discover truth and in their research, their relationship with God was never far from their consciousness. This speaks also of my own spiritual walk. When asked what motivated his life-long devotion to science and mathematics, Albert Einstein replied, "I want to know God's thoughts." Our God is an eternal, omnipresent God whose thoughts are the objects of scientific research.

Another fabulous quote of my favorite Albert Einstein, "I maintain that a cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest motive for scientific research... In this materialistic age of ours, serious scientific workers are among the only profoundly religious people." True science brings us closer to our creator.

Throughout my midwifery career and as well during this weekend intensive, people ask, "Why is it that science doesn't support what we know by faith to be true?" I found myself rather defensive this weekend. True science and true religion should never be in conflict. They both seek the same end-the delineation of and the alliance with truth. Science does support our faith. It is man that rejects truth and even our own evidence.

There was a time in history when scientists seeking truth had to separate themselves from the institutions that controlled public religious practice. Centuries ago, when sincerely devout, God-loving men began, in their honesty, to discover aspects of the universe contrary to prevailing religious dogma, the ecclesiastical authorities who benefited from maintaining those dogmas declared them heretics. Midwives? Does this sound familiar?

Scientists and midwives with "powers to heal" were imprisoned. Others were tortured or killed in the name of God. Thus, to save their own lives, scientists who hungered for a more complete understanding of creation than was offered by formal religion had to seek means to develop science in a way that did not offend church leaders. Christian midwives, do you identify?

What developed was a philosophy of separation between church and science. The church kept to "spiritual" matters and science kept to "material" matters. Religion was for the sanctuary and science was for the laboratory. Birth moved to the hospital. As a result, today we have materialistic science and secular medicine, both of which claim no relationship to God in their practice. At the same time, we have religion that does not know how to incorporate science into its theology and has lost its healing ministry. Both are manifestations of the one God whose omnipresence and omniscience permeate everything from atoms to galaxies, from the tiniest creatures, to you and me.

Job 12:8 NIV... "speak to the earth, and it will teach you"
NLT... "speak to the earth, and it will instruct you"
NASB... "or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;"

There is so much information regarding speaking to plants in our ancestral history that is hard to accept. Inspired men speaking to plants, altering their DNA, creating new species. Can't God inspire us to do just that? Why is this so hard to comprehend? Can you imagine being so receptive to the divine truth that we could alter life for the benefit of all humankind?

Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; search and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" and then the qualifier in James 4:3-4, "You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly..." The Lord doesn't simply pour into us. We must seek Him. We must give the Holy Spirit our ear.

Just like John in Revelation, scientists are attempting to articulate God's creation. They chip away, reverently, patiently, and humbly... providing us evidence to illustrate what our minds can not otherwise fathom. If science and religion could reunite in the proper way, the path to truth is certain. Religion makes science relevant. And science, in its proper role, makes religion honest.

Paul admonishes in 1 Thessalonians 5:21, "Prove all things," both science and in spirit.

Revelation

My study this week is on the letters John wrote the seven churches. I am still working through the homework, but I've already had lots of personal revelation.

The Lord won't make us listen to Him. We must be ready to hear Him. "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God." This passage also teaches me that we must overcome to receive His promise and that just as we began in a garden, we too will end in one.

Reading the letter to Ephesus I am reminded of the genuine nature of God. He commends them for their hard work and perseverance, even their discernment, then brings to light their faults. Many years ago I did a study on depression and realized Cain's reaction to the Lord's punishment was very similar to how someone who is suffering from depression would react - they have no concept of reality. Satan works this way. He works in generality. He is big and wide, while the Holy Spirit is specific with his convictions. When the Holy Spirit convicts us we hear, "Stop Gossiping, Exercise, Love your Husband."

A previous commenter had posted about the hypocrisy of the church. I am not sure any church-goer would disagree. Christians can let their fire slip from their hands. They didn't realize it happened, but at some point their focus was no longer on their first love. Others are angry. They are ticked. They continue attending and working in the church because it is their routine, they want salvation, but serving the Lord isn't their heart's desire. Others are simply too busy. If Satan can't make you mean, he sure can make you too busy.

Another reminder, every virtue carries within itself the seeds of destruction. This has been a repeating trend in my life. An example might be discernment. The desire to exclude all impostors can create a climate of suspicion in which love within the believing community could no longer exist. This policing turns us into Pharisees. You simply can not love God and despise his people. Another example might be having great talent so that you do not have to impose yourself to God. Leaning only on yourself. I've really had to tame my virtues to be of use to God.

Revelation

I am thrilled that I am getting comments from some serious intellects! Love it! There are a few I'll have to come back to...vaccinations...female circumcision...and my previous Revelation post, so stay tuned. I wanted to share a bit more however, of what the Lord has revealed to me through studying Revelation.

I identify with John. I spent many years pleading to be of use to God only instead to be left wondering why I was so isolated. I questioned why the persecution I had faced hadn't killed me? Why did I have to continue in this world, like the energizer bunny, if he wasn't going to use me or take me home and relieve me of my misery? I knew in every dust particle of my being that I had a calling and I was eager to obey. Why did I feel so useless and broken? I was so incredibly homesick, stuck on my own island of Patmos.

He never left me like an orphan. He was there with me, held me as His child. I felt His presence throughout, but I wanted desperately to bring Him glory, desperately. I felt so completely useless and lonely in this world that I became so heavenly focused, that I was no earthly good. What I needed to focus my mind on is living a life that attracts revelation, even in the simple things. What I hadn't realized is that I was walking from tribulation to kingdom bliss and in the meantime needed to apply some patience.

One of my previous commentators discussed having a relationship with Christ and not depending on fellowship within the church, which often time is far from righteousness. Amen, sister! The Lord is found in worship and in the spirit and just like Christ, we need to seek Him when no one is looking. Christ was seeking God while everyone else was falling asleep! I think an important point to is that our Lord is a Lord of relationships. Times are going to get tough for Christians. I don't think it is entirely wise to disconnect. The community will turn against us and being separated from the church might isolate us more than God intended. There are many reasons people, even Godly people, avoid church but most often these are "rib issues" and not salvation issues. They don't represent issues in the spine of our faith. Jesus Christ cares deeply about the church.

My cause of separating myself from those that frequent the more typical brick-and-mortar church is because my ministry is still misunderstood or ignored by those that congregate there. The church we were "raised within," as well as the church we are currently members rejects all that the Lord has put in my heart. I feel a bit beaten and torn down. As a mother as well, I am often judged as a working professional who has selfishly applied her attention outside the home, rather than a family who has recognized their mission and stepped out in faith. If I were doing the same work in another country, we would be praised by our brothers and sisters. To attempt to make churches aware of their blind spot right here in my own backyard is a bit too John the Baptist, I suppose, for many churches comfort. The Lord is giving me just enough light so I know my next step; however, I have on my heart a great deal of reconciliation in my future. Part of that is letting go of bitterness that has separated me from communion.

I have learned too that walking in the spirit is a decision. It is quite easy to walk in the flesh. In fact, I think we default to walking in our sinful ways. Through my grief there were many times that I felt so desperate that insanity knocked on my door. The Holy Spirit was aggressive with me and would quickly direct me to have the Lord clear my mind, to stand up and to walk...anywhere, but away from falling over the edge. It is rather amazing to come up from your knees and realize how great the Lord is, great enough to deliver me from such darkness and where I've been, the depth of that darkness, trust me, that takes a rather enormous God.

I've shared on my blog before some of my "God Moments" and while those are precious, validating and so incredibly encouraging, I am realizing as I read Revelation that I haven't had near the reverence for them as I should. There are those times we meet God daily, times that we are awed by His greatness, moments of transfiguration, revelations of His suffering, and sights of glorification...but did I ever grasp how truly HOLY it is for God to go out of HIS WAY to REVEAL HIMSELF TO ME!?!

This week in our mid-week Bible study our leader shared a smidgen of his testimony, most of which I missed as I tended to children, but I believe he shared an up-bringing within the church and a loving family. Every other member had been saved as an adult, which as a very humble man seemed to maybe intimidate him a bit. I found his perspective very enlightening because he said his faith never had a transforming moment; he couldn't identify the moment his ground was shaken in realization that Christ consumed his heart.

He also shared that he found "Adult Christians" often dove into the Bible seeking truth and understanding after their heart caught fire for the Lord, but his own learning was more of immersion through the church teachings. He sort of questioned if he had the Biblical knowledge to lead our group. Can he whip out reference scriptures as maybe an "adult Christian" might? The irony is that had I known his background before having such thought-provoking conversations, I potentially never would have considered gathering together for study. What would I have to offer a sister or brother that began their walk decades before myself? It's intimidating to share my own testimony and to reveal a background of great unHoliness, which I still continue to battle daily. I don't want to humiliate myself.

Christians are at risk of becoming too loyal with their doctrine that they talk them self right out of a new revelation. There's a lot of Bible and maybe the beauty in God gifting some of His children with faith later in life, is that they challenge those with life-long conceptions? Not one of us have enough wisdom and knowledge to assume we will not be altered by studying the Word. On the other hand, I would argue that "Adult Christians" can sometimes dig into the scripture so diligently that they are almost unweaving the rainbow. They fail to just behold the beauty of the Word. Maybe I need to be humiliated and maybe he's in for some perspective! Maybe he will cause me to just be still and breathe.

This is getting lengthy, but I can't help but share a new vision I have of the Lord as John describes him in Revelation 1:12-18. His voice like the sound of rushing waters -- and not a peaceful trickle of water, but like standing behind a forceful gorging waterfall. I have no doubt this sound would cause each of us to quickly cover our ears and gasp at the consuming rush. Out of His mouth came a double-edged sword -- what does that mean? Does that mean that the Lord doesn't have to call legends of angels, flood the earth, bring fire to the land, or torment to end all humankind, but that just as He said, "Let there be light" and there was light, he can say Drop Dead and it will be done? No joke. He is that great. We will loose the power to disobey, each and everyone of us.

Though Christ is highly exalted, He still leans down and touches me. He is The I Am.

Revelation

I always wanted to save studying Revelation (which is not plural, there is only one Revelation) for when I was a smarter Christian. I knew understanding the other books in the Bible would bring great revelation to the last book. However, it just so happened the Lord seemed it was perfect timing and I'll admit, I am one to do things backwards.

I realize I am in over my head, so I'd love your comments, but this far I have learned that the Book of Revelation was treated almost immediately - if not immediately - as scripture. The book was meant to be read aloud. The authors not only chose the words to convey meanings they intended, but also chose words whose sounds effectively communicated these meanings. John 12:49

The Lord not only sent the message of Revelation, but He signified it. He drew a picture, a figurative representation, of what we can not picture with what we can. This is similar to parables of Christ's teaching. The symbols in Revelation is so we can picture what we can otherwise not fathom.

The seven churches of Asia - seven is perfect. There is significance in seven churches. This might represent seven types of churches that represent the church as a whole. The message was passed from the Lord, to Christ, to His Angel to John, to the seven churches.

The seven spirits before the throne - are they seven angels? I suspect they are the seven attributes of the Holy Spirit. Isaiah 11:2

We are a direct result of our belief system. What do we believe in that vry dark place, when we are all alone?

They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of Kings - and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers. Revelation 17:14

The Tongue

I am hiding away as long as I can today to read the Bible. I can't help keeping a journal as I go.

The tongue is a dangerous sword. It can destroy, contaminate and be wicked. Death is in the power of the tongue.

Here is the big punch to the gut for me: Proverbs 29:11 says, A self confident fool utters all of his anger, but a wise man holds it back and stills it. I absolutely have a past of spewing out my anger like a hurricane, destroying everything in its path. I have matured in my faith and have found another way.

Moses, in Exodus 32:19, was on the mountain pleading with God not to destroy the Israelites. And, at the bottom of the mountain were his sheep building a golden calf to worship. When he came down the mountain and witnessed their disobedience, he was justified in his anger and burned the idol.

Samuel, in 1 Samuel 15:16, was angry with Saul because he disobeyed the Lord. He was rebellious and stubborn. Samuel told Saul that God had rejected him as king.

Jesus, in Mark 3:5, became angry with the Pharisees because of the hardening of their hearts. He was healing a man on the Sabbath and they had a religious spirit.

Anger in itself isn't sinful, neither is money. Both can easily manifest a life of sin however. Cain wanted praise for himself. Jonah was a snob. The Sadducees were jealous. This is selfish, self-centered anger. Righteous anger, like that described above, came because of lack of faith or disobedience towards God's law.

Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on the earth. "Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference, a grievance, or a complaint against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so you must also forgive." Then get into the Word for renewing of the mind. The mind affects the tongue. It is first a thought. Then we speak it into existence.

Here are some weapons: 2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 103, Psalm 139, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 14:1, Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 16:24, Proverbs 31:26, and Isaiah 54:17.

We must conquer the battle of our mind and mouth.

Fearless

Have you ever learned a new Biblical principle and then thought, "I know just who that applies to!" I always try to self-reflect when that thought slips into my head because early in our marriage I was very guilty of trying to be my husband's Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, I slipped again this week.

I was at the book store buying Easter gifts and saw a book by Max Lucado, one of my favorite authors, Fearless. It reminded me of friends who are currently facing some significant challenges. I thought I would gift the book to them, but having experienced my own tragedies I know gifting books can come in abundant supply from friends who just don't know how else to help. My mind always raced too much to sit and read, so I thought maybe I could preread the book and store up some of its wisdom to share with them, maybe even blog about it.

Max Lucado has an amazing talent of storytelling. I can read one of his books in a single sitting, drooling over each word. He brings to light so many truths that really light my soul on fire for Christ. One point I was reminded of was that disciples can expect tribulation. It's not the absence of storms that set us apart. "Jesus got into a boat, and his followers went with him. A great storm arose on the lake." One might think that after immediate obedience rather than a storm, a rainbow would appear. Not so. Getting on board with Christ can mean getting soaked with Christ.

Fear corrodes our confidence in God's goodness. We begin to question His love. I struggled with this a great deal as a child, but have made tremendous strides. I have learned to not to fear man, but to focus on the eternal purpose of my tribulations. My life struggles have greatly blessed my life and deepened my faith. I continued reading with the naive belief that fear escaped my Christian walk.

Here is where the book convicted me personally. Fear can turn us into control freaks. "Do something about the storm! Fix it or...or...or else!" Fear, at its center, is a perceived loss of control. When life spins wildly, we grab for a component of life we can manage: our diet, the tidiness of a house, the armrest of a plane, or, in many cases, people. The more insecure we feel, the meaner we become. Fear releases the tyrant within. This is when I grabbed my highlighter and apologized to my friends. I am going to have to gift a used book.

Max Lucado reminded me just how important it is to journal God moments. Trials and fear dull our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is. The fear-filled cannot love deeply. Love is risky. They cannot give to the poor. Benevolence has no guarantee of return. The fear-filled cannot dream wildly. What if their dreams sputter and fall from the sky? The worship of safety emasculates greatness. No wonder Jesus wages such a war against fear.

Hysteria is not from God. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear" (2 Tim 1:7).

Many of us struggle with the fear we don't matter. We struggle with not being good enough. "If our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things" (1 John 3:20). When you feel unforgiven, evict the feelings. Emotions don't get a vote. Go back to Scripture. God's Word holds rank over self-criticism and self-doubt.

You can dedicate a decade of anxious thoughts to the brevity of life and not extend it by one minute.

Sarah

Completely unable to sleep, so I decided to study a Godly woman, Sarah. Her name means princess. One point I always think of when I think of Sarah and Abraham is that names have meaning. It was common in Old Testament days to name your child for the particular meaning or significance of the name rather than the appeal of how it rolled off your tongue. From the onset of my mothering, I too have followed this tradition.

When Sarah's son was born, she named him Isaac, which means "he laughs," and she said, "God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me" (Genesis 21:6). Rachel, in great pain and knowing she was dying, named her son Ben-Oni, meaning "son of my trouble." But Jacob, the child's father, loving this little one even in his sorrow, named him Benjamin, "son of my right hand" (Genesis 35:16-20). When Hannah's son was born, she named him Samuel, which sounds like the Hebrew word for "heard of God," because God had heard her cries for a child (1 Samuel 1:20). This too was how our Samuel received his name. Another meaning is, "God's gift."

Many of the Old Testament prophets have names that speak of this mission: Isaiah's name means "the Lord saves," Obadiah's name means "servant of the Lord," Nahum's name means "comfort," and Malachi's name means "my messenger."

Another lesson I learn from Sarah's life is that the Lord fulfilled his promise in His time. When Sarah heard of the Lord's plans she laughed in disbelief. She tried to help the Lord by giving her husband Hagor. She was inpatient and knowing the call, crafted her own plan to achieve it. I too have confidence in my calling, yet sometimes become too eager to accomplish it. I have learned a hard lesson in leaning on God and not creating false allies. Waiting patiently might be one of my hardest lessons in my Christian walk. When does patience become a missed opportunity, stalling, or lazy? When I am tempted to step in an make things happen on my own, I have Sarah to remind me to rest in the assurance that the Lord loves me and will fulfill his promises to me.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:14
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! ~ Isaiah 30:18
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. ~Micah 7:7


I do believe the Lord plants our passions in our hearts. Sarah's dream was to give birth to a son. I am a dreamer and have seen the fruition of many of my dreams. In each of them, the Lord demonstrated himself King. As I grow older Lord, may I trust you more completely for he dreams you've planted in my soul, the promises you've made to me. Like Sarah, may I be surrounded by laughter at the wonderful way you accomplish your purpose despite my weakness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Easter

Keely has to be at church tomorrow at 8am, so the Easter Bunny came this evening. The kids all received new outfits for Easter and some candy. Simon received a little jungle gym for the backyard. Samuel received a new Veggie Tales Bible, a devotional for preschoolers, a Veggie Tale movie and some Cars Toys. Noah received The Poverty and Justice Bible, the Wimpy Kid book about the movie and a DSi. Keely received a Bible carrier which says, "This book is illegal in 52 countries." She also received Bible tabs, a Bible highligter, and a few fabulous books. One of them is by Yancy, Prayer. It is a book that you listen to on the MP3 player, which should be neat. The other book is a reference book of sorts. It allows you to search any particular struggle, whether it be fear, satan, lukewarm faith, whatever, and it offers appropriate scriptures. The Easter Bunny brought Mike the Bible on CD discs and the 40 day challenge, The Love Dare, from the movie, Fireproof.

Noah and I just finished the book, And the Word Came with Power, by Joanne Shetler. This was one of our favorite books. Others we've enjoyed this year are, the Apprentice by Pilar Llorente and The Twenty-One Balloons by William Pene du Bois.

I have recently finished reading, The Christian Mom's Idea Book, by Ellen Banks Elwell. Good book. I do recommend it. Last year sometime, Franny gave me a book titled, Begin Again. I've just now opened it. Easter is a good time to begin again, right? My memory verse for the week:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Even though I seem to continually fail at commiting to weight loss, the Lord hasn't given up on me. He has compassion on me and is optimistic; this time, I will succeed.

And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men, for not everyone has faith.

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strenthen and protect you from the evil one.

2 Thessalonians 3:2-3

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Jeremiah 33:3

One of my favorite verses.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Unfortunately, I don't have the musical CD that comes with this book, but I'll memorize the scripture and make worship music a more important part of my life, as it has been in the past. Music helps me think on the Word and pray much more abundantly throughout the day.

Nine Commitments I must make for the First Place challenge:

1. Attendance
2. Encouragement
3. Prayer
4. Bible reading
5. Scripture memory verse
6. Bible study
7. Live-It plan
8. Commitment record
9. Exercise

A goal I have for myself this week: Keep to our schedule and not eat out more than two times total the entire week.
Father, I give these goals to you, as Your plans for me are for my good. I ask that you increase my faith and help me to walk in the path you have designed for me, with self-discipline.

Friendship

Last year a reoccurring theme of my blog was friendship. I was really challenged by both my long-term relationships and newer ones. I was well aware that the Lord was addressing some flaws in myself and was weeding my relationships in effort to make the necessary changes. The pruning was heart-breaking, but I had complete faith that the time was right and He would restore relationships that would glorify Him and bring me closer to His likeness. Don't misunderstand. I had only amazing women as friends, but I didn't know how to relate in a way that was the healthiest approach for my spiritual growth.

Friendship is important to the Lord. As Amy continually reminds me, the Lord is a Lord of relationships. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 2:9-10.

In Proverbs 22:24-25, God shows us how our friends can influence our lives. "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared." We do become like those we associate. An interesting quote, "God is why our lives change; friends are how our lives change."

Friends should replenish us. Friends should encourage us and speak life to us. They are women who will be there for you in your time of need, not deserting you. They make us accountable, without a critical heart. They are women who tell you the truth. Proverbs 27:5-6 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times," not just when times are good but when times are hard. In Proverbs 19:4 we see just how faithful some friends can be. It says, "Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friends desert him." It is true that you really know who your friends are when times are tough.

Finding Godly friends can be a real challenge however and I have become blatantly aware of my recent antisocial behavior. I have a very unique, maybe even peculiar lifestyle and most people who are drawn to me are really just sort of intrigued but not genuine about friendship. I tend to build a wall against these sorts of interrogations. Those that are like-minded however, are typically employees or students of mine and therefore, in a position to try and please me and my very high expectations which too, limits the development of genuine friendship.

I am not without hope as I clearly see this time as a transitional point for me. I see the Lord teaching me boundaries and demonstrating that I don't have to give all I have to everyone to deserve friendship in return. I am learning that insightfulness is not a standard, but rather a gift. Not everyone has the same expectations as me in friendship and so what may seem common sense to me, is not the case for others; therefore, I must learn how to express my boundaries and not be so offended when others cross "the line."

I will say the Lord has given me vision of friendship and I am eager, yet patient too, as I realize the Potter still has some finishing details He needs to smooth out in my clay.

Home is Where the Heart Is...

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

The Lord came into my life abundantly at the onset of my adult life. I was on fire and dove into the Word, attempting to get on course with a life that would glorify Christ. Soon after, I was given the passion of midwifery. My studies have predominantly been within this field and I have many times questioned if I have created an idol of midwifery, as I feared many times that I spent more time in Varney than I did in His Word. I was reassured in prayer that midwifery was His calling for me and in Varney I found my Father, yet the Holy Spirit continued to remind me of my daily need for daily devotion.

It was my prayer that my children would look back at their childhood and have little memory of their mother studying midwifery, but instead be inspired by my drive and dedication. Too many nights after I laid them to sleep I wished I could wake them back up to finally spend time with them and giggle. I am grateful that while they are in my house I have realization that my family is precious, my home is splendid and I treasure my marriage, all given to me abundantly by the Lord.

There are days that I become so over whelmed. I haven't a clue if I can continue. Being a mother, a wife, a friend, a midwife is often a thankless job. I can't count the number of times that I have accomplished an unreasonably long to-do list in a very impressive amount of time to only have people complain that something was left undone or not done perfectly. It is very much my desire to be noticed and appreciated, but my joy should not be found in someone else. My joy should be in the serving, not in the praise.

I will admit that I crave quite time with my children and freedom from the craziness of my life. I crave quiet time to just putter around my house, work in the garden, read a few books, create art with the children, workout at the gym (yes, I really do)... and most weeks, I do find this time. I have been blessed with a full life. I don't believe chaos reigns in my life, at least not anymore, but I do know that I can dedicate more time to studying the Word and self-control so that I may create a schedule that prioritizes our responsibilities.

I think I have a tendency to be a work-a-holic of some sort. I can always find a project to do. I need to focus and be more like Mary. I really need to prayerfully find the dedication to commit to reading the Bible and writing within my prayer journal daily. I am grateful that I have motivation for housecleaning, planting a gardening, serving women, tending to my family (Proverbs 31:10-31), but I must not put my ministry above my relationship with Christ. Might I give, give, give and not drink from the well? I must sit at his feed and drink the Word.

I loath messiness, chaos, filth, and clutter. The Mighty God we serve is not a god of chaos. He is a God of peace and order. Does my house and home reflect God? It has taken us many years, but I do believe we balance well meaningful play time and household management. I pray that I am teaching my children responsibility. We detour. Then we find our calm rhythm again. I realize however that in my multi-tasking I can sometimes fail to give my children undivided attention. This has been a focus of mine for the past several weeks and for Samuel in particular, I have realized a tremendous attitude change.

My life evaluation today and my dedication for tomorrow is: waking up before my family. I must find time for devotion and prayer. The Israelites were provided food. The catch was they had to get up early to gather the manna. If they waited too long, the food disappeared. Proverbs 31 describes the woman rising while it is still night (before the sun comes up). I am a night-owl and this will be a tremendous feat for me. I am learning that staying up late is selfish and self-serving. Shall I be remembered as crawling out of bed to my children, or sweetly calling them to the table full of wonderful aromas wafting through the air?

"Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

Inspired by A Virtuous Woman, specifically the Spring Cleaning Devotional.

Eve

Eve has always intrigued me. I appreciate her horrendous fall, but as a woman who has been tempted by a few apples, I relate. I always thought I would name a daughter after her, life-giving. Can you imaging living in a world in which you have complete peace with both God and your husband, the only other person on the planet? Paradise.

Eve never knew embarrassment, misunderstanding, hurt, estrangement, envy, bitterness, grief, or guilt until she listened to her enemy and began to doubt God. Her sorrow was that her first born son would become a murder; her second son, his victim. Her joy was in knowing that her children would eventually destroy her enemy.

Eve was the first woman to conceive a child, the first to carry a baby in her womb. Did she understand the miracle taking place inside of her, prior to ultrasounds and advanced fetal testing? Did she understand the depth of a mother's love? Eve did understand that life was in God's hands. At Cain's birth Eve spoke, "With the help of the LORD, I have brought forth a man." (Genesis 4:1).

Eve likely labored with Adam at her side. Later the Old Testament introduces midwives which were present to assist women in childbirth. A birth stool is mentioned in Exodus 1:16. Women throughout the centuries have borne the results of Eve's sin. Childbirth has unified us in a common bond of expertise. The experience is both earthly and at the same time unearthly. There is toil, panting, mess and disorder combined with beauty, triumph and the birth of a precious child, a child of Eve herself.

Eve was created to be a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:21-23). This knowledge is quite convicting to me. I am continually mindful of whether I am helping my husband or he is helping me. Are we one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25)? I do believe we have the same vision and desires for our family, our relationship, our faith, and our ministry. We do compliment one another well. We do hold each other higher than any other earthly being.

Did the serpent wear down Eve with constant nagging and manipulative strategies? Did he explore her weaknesses and cause her to doubt her Father and her Husband? Genesis 3:6-7 says she ate the fruit because it was good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom. Who doesn't desire such things? Eve rationalized her sin.

Adam and Eve then passed the blame. Are any one of them more or less to blame? When times are tough in the gardens of the Lane household, we too, pass the blame. This is where dissension enters our marriage. According to the curses (Genesis 3:14-19) all were to blame. Not one received a lesser punishment than the other.

After punishing Adam and Eve, the Lord clothed them. Our God is a deeply tender Father. He provides, He cherishes, and He is very practical. He was immediately forgiving. He did not pout after Adam and Eve's stumble. He didn't ignore, belittle, or lash out. He provided consequences and then He provided for them. What a lesson in mothering.

Genesis 4:1-2: Eve recognizes the Lord as the source of life. Embedded in the curse put on Eve for her sin is also a wonderful promise. You "will give birth to children" (Genesis 3:16). His grace and mercy are evident even in judgment. When the world had become so sinful it had to be destroyed, the Lord saved Noah and his family. When judgment fell on David for his sin with Bathsheba, God's grace gave them Solomon as a son and successor. While on my knees, at my lowest times, I must never forget that His grace is still at work.

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. -John 1:16
But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. -Romans 5:20-21


I was made in God's image. Yes, as a woman, I too can reflect his love, truth, strength, goodness, wisdom and beauty. Genesis 1:27 So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Lord, please forgive me for marring your image and preferring my own will to yours. Help me surrender my life to you always, so that you can fulfill your purpose in my life.

I can't imagine the garden of Eden, but it is my heart's desire. A place of great beauty. A place where all my relationships have peace. No suffering, physically or emotionally. No guilt, no shame. I was made for paradise. Although I haven't any realization of such paradise, I know full well the beauty in the Lord's blessings. It is beyond my comprehension how my current joys can be infinitesimal compared to those that await me in heaven, for "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Father, help me to surrender every sin and every sorrow to you, trusting that you will fulfill your purpose for my life. Help me to better understand your original plan for our world. Help me envision the beauty so I might live with a constant awareness that you intend to restore paradise to all who belong to you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Biblical Principles and Homebirth

Since becoming a Christian, Mike and I have found ourselves seeking a more Biblical lifestyle and stepping outside of what maybe considered the norm. I don't feel that our lifestyle is any more holy than any other, but rather, the Lord has made us more holy through these lifestyle changes.

I suppose our lifestyle may seem to some, old-fashioned. I feel we are more self-sufficient. Mike and I enjoy pursuing entrepreneurial opportunities. We would prefer this even to corporate careers. We enjoy the security in knowing we can care for ourselves and while doing so, serve others, particularly in this economy. Homeschooling was one of our first steps in this direction and alternative healthcare another. We are currently working on becoming more of a self-sustaining household.

Whole food nutrition is an example of both alternative healthcare and establishing a healthy household. This isn't a popular lifestyle choice, but one that I can't imagine any physician would argue to be harmful. There are Christians who believe it is biblical to use only whole grains. I am not sure I have that conviction, at least not yet. Clearly the health benefits of doing so is indisputable.

Homebirthing is our family's conviction for living biblically, as we feel this optimizes our ability to invite the Lord into our birthing experience. We are leaning on the promises of God and not blindly trusting in man. Don't read too much into what I am saying and assume we don't trust science or don't appreciate medical care. We simply feel it is important to use discernment in this regard.

This issue causes great debate among Christians and it is my belief that those who adamantly oppose homebirth and midwifery, often are arguing from a worldly perspective. Their understanding is clouded and they simply can't apply biblical truths. On the other hand, I am familiar with a good number of Christian midwives who are a bit too enthusiastic and fail to respect birth.

Pregnancy and childbirth are completely natural. It is wholesome and desirable. Not every pregnancy requires an obstetrician and not every birth, a hospital. Midwives are the specialists for pregnancy, birth and mothering. Consider this, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick." Matthew 9:12

The hospital, with its germs and tendency toward over-interference, is quite contrary to the wholesome and natural process of childbirth. Aren't we to keep our minds set on what is pure? Aren't we to avoid any unclean thing? Might requesting an epidural without medical need or an induction for convenience considered by our Lord as a glutenous request?

Man's science supports homebirth. "Any person who gives it an honest and in-depth look would never choose a hospital," says Stacey Hilbish of Snohomish, Washington. Families who choose to birth at the hospital are uninformed. The modern, techno-savy world we live in today makes staying at home to birth a child seem absurd. The truth is, all the intervention imposed unnecessarily on birth has caused great havoc, which has lead to an over whelming fear of childbirth. Ironically, this has caused society to depend even deeper on technology.

I don't dispute that modern medicine saves lives or even that it has a place in childbirth. We live in a fallen world. I don't simply trust birth; I respect it. I respect that the Lord created the design and His wisdom is far-more reaching than my own. For this reason, often the extent of my control is to simply sit and encourage. I also respect that birth can go awry and as the midwife, I must maintain a keen eye for labor going off course.

Midwifery has a longer history than obstetrics. The timeline for physician attendance at birth is minimal in perspective and while outcomes initially improved (ironically as antibiotics were simultaneously introduced), outcomes have become worse every year. Midwifery wisdom has nearly been washed out. Physicians have lobbied well to monopolize healthcare. Hospital birth became the only option.

What about those that choose hospital birth because it's "better be safe than sorry?" These families are often validated when the hospital or physician saves them from a scary birth scenario. Might they consider that the physician attending them was only trained in the interventions required to manage the very rare medical emergency, and has no real training in maintaining or encouraging the normal process of birth? Unfortunately, those maneuvers for emergency births have seeped into each and every birth -- episiotomies, intraveneous fluids, continuous fetal monitoring and withholding food and fluids. How often does a physician encourage a mother to stand up and push to optimize progression through the birth canal?

I am really discouraged with the continued blind belief that homebirth is reckless and the hospital is necessary for safe birth in spite of the fact that children under thirteen aren't even permitted in the front doors of hospitals today due to all the deadly viruses they may become exposed to, yet this fact is glossed over when women enter in labor.

Women don't choose hospital birth for a safer birth. They are simply choosing the option that brings them less fear. Death is not everyone's worse fear. Pain might be. It might also be stepping outside of the cultural norm. Very little in life is risk-free and childbirth is no exception. For me, it was clear. I don't follow the pack. I have absolutely no hesitation in jumping off the train, even attempting to rally a group with me, when I feel the train is misguided.

My sister informed me when she didn't choose to breastfeed, although knowing full-well it was the best thing for her daughter, "that breastfeeding just isn't what my friends do." I suppose I never thought of her as a follower before. She was always the smarter one.

Who are we to please? If Christians refuse to look at the truth - both biblically and through man's science - are they pleasing God? Man? Themselves? Christians must have the courage to be holy - separated from the world.

The Inevitable

Several years ago I attended a bible study on depression by Dr. Wickert in Lafayette. I took detailed notes and will share them with you sometime in the future. Much of what he said was very enlightening to me, essentially stating that we haven't a clue scientifically what causes depression and just keep throwing solutions at it which seem to offer only temporary relief. He discussed depression principles from the bible and how we can use the Word of God to find relief. I had a real eye opening moment when he discussed how Cain completely lost touch with reality just prior to his suicide. He stretched the truth and was impulsive.

Anyway, one of the class members was exceptionally angry with his teachings and the second week brought her family to support her convictions, that her depression and psychological drama has nothing what-so-ever to do with her faith or the Word of God, and her relationship could not in itself be the solution. (Don't misunderstand - he did not preach that a depression is evidence of a poor relationship or little faith, but instead those that suffer with depression can use their faith and strengthen their relationship to overcome the battle.) She became very loud and angry, almost hostile, attacking Dr. Wickert and he really handled it very professionally and confident. I felt as if her passion was the storm of awakening, the epiphany she hadn't quite realized.

I can think of several other times I have witnessed this sort of hostility with revelation in my life. After becoming a Christian myself, I was very desperate to save my mother's life from hell and primarily because I felt she lived with such guilt and needed relief. I prayed earnestly for her, maybe more than anyone else in my life sense. The more I prayed, the more she pushed me away. I have no doubt I was trying to be the Holy Spirit for her and made the Lord's work more challenging. She eventually had enough of my saving efforts and became quite hostile with me. This is part of the reason we named our first son Noah, because we felt so very alone in our walk with Christ, within our family. Soon after sharing her utter contempt with me, my mom called and invited us to her baptism. I can't remember who it was that she felt led her to church and inspired her to build a relationship with Christ, but it sure wasn't me. I was however over-whelmed with joy and relief, and was also provided a glimpse of how it felt when Christ himself was rejected by his own family and friends. I realized that this too was a storm before the revelation and often, people have to walk through this to come through and if I am going to assist in creating the storm, then I am occasionally going to be hit by its thunder and lightening.

One of my more recent posts, "Offending Someone," in which I share all the many ways a few clients of mine grossly cross the boundaries, was read by one of its inspirations. She shared many flavorful comments in a lengthy e-mail with me, which I surprisingly spent no time stressing over, because she essentially proved my point in her response. She has lost all touch with reality and clearly has no common sense regarding the provider/client relationship. As I shared in the post however, I allowed her to cross these boundaries and created the inevitable destruction of our relationship. Her response too, made clear, that my post had a profound impact on her. She clearly had her mind opened to a different perspective...which she clearly didn't welcome at the time. Maybe her relationship with her next midwife will be more fruitful for her because of this experience.

This is true with all the above situations and isn't this my ultimate goal...to live my life so that I can cause others to think about their own? Conviction can be tough. How they respond to the message, whether in humility or in grace, is not about me at all. Substance and repeated ideas is important to be discernible of, but over overwhelmingly these have been specific circumstances which I spent way too much time fretting over and taking too much responsibility for. The Lord again, has offered me peace.