Motorcycle Ride

I've shared before that I am now the proud owner of a motorcycle, a Fazor to be exact. The one above is not mine, but it is that intimidating. Mine better represents the one below. I realized while attending the ABATE class last weekend that I do in fact love motorcycles and do in fact, want to become a biker girl; however, I also learned that Mike and I have very different tastes in motorcycles. I much prefer the classy, sleek bikes and he is entirely about power, with a splash of sport. The Fazor above is powerful and sporty, with a touch of class. I really would like a Harley. Never thought I would say that, but it is true. I just want to cruise in style.

I knew I wanted to ride, partly because it really is fun to ride with Mike and I know my mother really enjoyed it when I was a teen, but mostly because I can't think of anything that would make Mike more proud. I procrastinated in preparing for the ABATE course which is very typical of me. Mike had all my equipment ready and really worked to make it a fabulous weekend for me. In spite of his help, it was blatantly clear about ten minutes into class that I was pathetically unprepared.

A Harley Soft-Tail... Love... Love... Love...

I was grateful to arrive and find another mother in attendance, mom jeans and all. At least I wasn't the only girl. In no time at all however, I was one of seven girls in a class of twelve. Nice. I was certainly one of the oldest, but not the least experienced. (I had at least rode passenger on a bike and drove a manual car, truck and 4-wheeler.)

Really like this one... drool...

Our instructors were... interesting folk. One male and one female. They complemented each other well, although both stern and lacked all ability to compliment. Shamefully, I am a prideful soul that requires a bit of encouragement. Unfortunately, I was not about to get a single nod of approval from these two. Disgust read all over their faces (and unfortunately escaped their lips far too often) as they watched each of us attempt to conquer the bikes.

You're falling in love too... huh?

I became critical, judging their teaching style, presentation, grammar, personal style, and frankly, anything that I could find that would make me not feel so darn intimidated and insecure. I was crafting a lengthy written evaluation for improving the course and was sure that the higher-ups would take note and thank me for my time. After sharing my disappointment with my husband at lunch, bursting his bubble and embarrassing myself, I was humbly reminded that I clearly had an attitude problem - a serious teenage know-it-all, probably needed kicked in the pants, attitude problem. Was I really that obstinate as a teenager?

That is a nice looking bike. I really need to loose some weight.

I did come to understand the instructors a bit that afternoon, appreciating that they certainly were military-style instructors and under a very harsh exterior, was a passionate rider that really just wanted us to succeed. In fact, I made them both smile... once. Bad attitude or not, I certainly do not excel under those circumstances. Two of my fellow classmates left the first day, one with tears pouring down her face (and no, they were not both female). I failed to return the last day, further disappointing my poor husband.

Could be me someday...

The biker-girl spark was ignited though and I am determined to excel at this sport. While I practiced on a 250cc (and let me say putting your feet up for the first time on a motorcycle is an AMAZING feeling), the Fazor is a 700cc and it certainly does feel like three times the bike. I rode for a while in the school parking lot and eek, can't imagine every riding in traffic. I really admire those that do so confidently.

Not at all my husband's style... but very sexy guy bike.

I suppose watching our military-female-instructor jam a pencil into the helmet and then ask us what we thought steel off the front of a semi might do to our skull, did not bode any confidence. I'll do it though. I'll practice and practice and practice. I will ride my bike on the main road by next season, and I will have my license by next year, even if it means retaking the ABATE class, which I think would be a fabulous idea anyway. Maybe next time I'll have Mike take it with me!

 2011 version of Mike's bike. Think his is a 2006.

Now if only I could pass the written test to earn my learner's permit...

Addendum...the gal instructor won sixth place in the Iron Butt competition last year. She rode 1,000 miles per day for ten days, from Florida to California. That's serious riding!

Attitudes, Beliefs and Perceptions

"Attitude plays a critical role in determining the difference between self-sabotage and success."

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude. ~Zig Zigler

For fun, try these perception exercises or these. While attitude is key to success, developing clear perception also keeps you on track in achieving your goals. It seems every now and then, I need a reality check. I am a visionary and have no real struggle for visioning big and believing it.

The difference between attitude and perception is choice. When we are faced with something new or challenging (or frustrating), we can choose to have a positive attitude toward it but that doesn't mean that we automatically perceive it for what it is.

One of the true ironies in life is that ten people witnessing any particularly event will likely give ten different depictions. Our perceptions are affected by our history, beliefs and physiology. This is why it is so important to get feedback from trusted advisers. It is also easy to get tunnel vision and believe that your vision is absolute truth.

My recent blog rant is truth, but only a portion of the truth because the reality is, I can sum up the bad side of midwifery in one blog posting. The beauty of midwifery can't even be put into words. No book, no conversation over tea, and no eloquently written blog can give justice to the miraculous and awe-inspiring, blessed events I have had the privilege to witness.

How do I avoid self-sabotage? I surround myself with people that build me up. This lesson took me until just the last two years to learn. The five women I work with are true blessings from the Lord and validation for me that He has created this practice and has asked me to be obedient as he leads me where He wants me to go. The Lord created this practice and He can tear it down however and whenever He sees fit. It would be a great misfortune though, if I allowed my own inadequacies, including self-doubt, to crumble the practice and/or my own calling prematurely.

I will admit that I can fall into negative-talk and sometimes it takes me a few times to learn from my mistakes, particularly with respect to social circumstances. I can procrastinate and have a tendency to want to please, even the most unreasonable. These are all qualities that invite self-sabotage.

What a blessing it is to come into work and have your office manager tell it to you straight, "Get it together, suck it up, and move on. You have a job to do!" Negative conditioning is simply not allowed if you want to succeed as an independent midwife. Here is an interesting trick for testing your subconscious beliefs. This site, along with this one, is suggested for training in personal growth, although I am a bit cautious in recommending either because I haven't explored them thoroughly and these sorts of mind-body cleaning or energy tricks can often lead to New Age thinking.

This morning on the Early Show (yes, I was up before 8am) a lady who has suffered from MS was being interviewed after having recently releasing a book titled, "29 gifts in 29 days." She was told by her "spiritual adviser" after venting a self-pity party during a particularly challenging day that she was simply focusing too much on her own situation and needed to look beyond herself. She was instructed to give 29 simple gifts to people, anyone, for 29 days and it absolutely changed her life. I don't have any doubts that this story is genuine and would be successful for most anyone.

Our thought process absolutely can direct our experiences. Mothers that answer my question regarding their intentions to breastfeeding with, "I am going to try," are actually saying, "I don't think I can do it" or "I don't really want to do it," but I am going to put baby to breast once or twice and then allow my body or baby to fail me. I won't accept this answer. They are either committed or they aren't. I am not going to assist a mom that can't give me commitment because when her experience fails, I don't want to be the one blamed for failing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own success.

So here are some thoughts I am sitting on at 3:00 am in the morning...

The things have I wanted to accomplish, but haven't...
The projects I've begun, but never completed are...
The communications I've withheld are...
The goals I've put off are...
The things for which I haven't forgiven myself are...
The things for which I haven't forgiven others are..
Thing things that are important to me are...
Some of my major goals in life are...
I see myself as...
Others perceive me as...
Having a successful career means...
The ways my career supports me in achieving my life goals are...
The ways my career limits me in achieving my life goals are...
Regarding my career, things I don't want to ever have to do are...
Regarding my career, things I really enjoy are...
The ways I would have to change to achieve my goals are...
The things I am really willing to do to achieve my goals are...

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers


I can definitely be a procrastinator, but I typically get the job done...eventually. According to business experts, this is the most common symptom of self-sabotage for a small business owner. My biggest issue or reason for procrastination is that I have such a high, perfectionist expectation for performance that accomplishing the task appears overwhelming. I will admit that a motto my Dad drilled into me was, "If you're going to do something do it right, or don't do it at all." Somewhere I heard and knew he expected, perfection. Adequate and sufficient were never acceptable.

Again, is my perception appropriate? High standards are great, but are mine realistic? Perfectionism in itself is highly desirable, right? Then why do I have to break my addiction? What I am failing to realize is the toll it is taking on me. Often I find myself agreeing to a task or activity that I am not really sure is a real priority and so I procrastinate - my boundary disorder. I am becoming a delegation queen!! Procrastination is a symptom. Figure out the problem. Then fix it!

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. ~Richard Bach