Thursday evenings are busy for us. Noah has martial arts and Keely has dog obedience and showmanship. Of course they are on opposite sides of town and spaced apart just enough that I can't really return home. Samuel sits in the van and does well, for a portion of the evening, and then looses it. Unfortunately, it has been too wet to play much at the park and my other resources aren't as enjoyable to him. He has growing and maturing fast though, and his behavior has improved tremendously.
This evening when I returned home, we had twelve messages from clients. Whew! This doesn't include all the messages I hadn't gotten to before I even left this evening! It is too late to return phone calls and of course, prenatals start early in the morning, so they won't get returned tomorrow in a timely manner either. After my prenatals end, my husband leaves for work and Keely will be gone at camp all weekend, so I again will have limited ability to sit on the phone. This makes e-mail fantastic, but so many feel this is inpersonal and are a bit irritated when I resort to this style of communication. It benefits me in many ways, not only because I can squeeze it in, but I can simply print the e-mail and file it in their chart, rather than document each conversation seperately. I genuinely wish I could meet the needs of each of my clients immediately and with the utmost of compassion. The sad truth is, as much as I am failing my clients, I am failing the needs of my children even more.
For this reason, I am anxious to hire another midwife, but retaining birth assistants has been an enormous challenge as well. The work is tremendous. The commitment is sincerely beyond the ability of most of us. There must be an enormous passion to balance the sacrifice, and frankly, one must also already be financially secure to enter a practice such as this. This eliminates more than 99% of all midwives. However, I have faith the Lord is molding us another midwife and ask you to pray for her, or him, as well as the practice, for my birth assistants, myself and my family.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
God is Holy
I have tried to remind myself during the lonely times in my life, those times when I am being persecuted even by my Christian sisters, that God calls us to be holy - to be set apart.
Your statues stand firm;
holiness adorns your house
for endless days. O Lord.
Psalm 95:5
Your statues stand firm;
holiness adorns your house
for endless days. O Lord.
Psalm 95:5
Holy, Holy, Holy
is the Lord God Almightywho was, and is, and is to comeRev 4:8I am the Lord Your God;consecrate yourselves and be holy,because I am holy.Leviticus 11:44As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called y ou holy, so be hly in all you do; for it is written: Be holy, because I am holy.1 Peter 1:14-15
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tackle it Tuesday
I am late posting for Tuesday and unfortunately am having a horrible time up-loading pictures to the computer today, but I wanted to share our progress from last week. Mike and I have gotten a lot of work done around the house. I am so excited to get started in the garden and it has been still a bit early, so I've put the energy into junk piles.
We've completed or initiated:
- Clearing an enormous junk pile from the far side of the dining room. This consisted mostly of "to do" items for the practice, so an enormous feat!
- Clearing a few boxes of "things" from the basement.
- Finally [this is sad] sent the last of our Christmas presents out!
- Hung blinds in the homeschool room.
- Hung roman shades and new curtains in our bedroom.
- Strung a chain of beads as tie backs for our curtains.
- Clearing an enormous junk pile in the bedroom.
- Items to Goodwill.
- Leveled the backyard.
- Laid two brick pathways in the garden.
- Planted hanging flowers on the porch.
- Hung a new chandelier in the living room.
- Found a sewing teacher for Keely.
- Created pockets from lace to hold make-up in dresser.
- Planted a solar light to shine on the flag at night (not quite dark enough).
- Removed blinds from the kitchen, and hung some old tea towels.
Much more to go, but we are plowing through! I have some crafts for the kids that hopefully, we can complete today.
God is Perfect
Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17
Perfect Relationship: We are perfect because of our eternal union with the infinitely perfect Christ. This perfection is absolute and unchangeable, and it is this perfect relationship that guarantees that we will one day become "completely perfect." Colossians 2:8-10 & Hebrews 10:8-14
Perfect Progress: Our daily walk allows God to perfect us causing us to do good deeds for him. Philippians 3:1-15
"But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." James 1:13
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless." 2 Samuel 22:31
"Be assured that my words are not false; one perfect in knowledge is with you." Job 36:4
"Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obety him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 5:8-10
Monday, April 27, 2009
Nursing Advancement Award
I am still a bit in denial, shock, bewildered... but I thought I would share with each of you that a few of my fabulous friends, co-workers and clients nominated me for Nurse of the Year and apparently the State Board of Nursing was moved because they chose me as a finalist and awarded me with the Nursing Advancement Award at the Salute to Nurses banquet last week.
The nominations alone absolutely makes me want to crawl under a rock. I am extremely appreciative and overwhelmingly grateful, but also painfully humbled beyond comprehension. I am much more comfortable, I suppose, being in the light for fighting the current, being the one everyone is trying to hush, or tear down. Even when the crowd begins to follow my path, I am not the one recognized as having tread the journey. I am just too salty. Therefore, when the day approached in which I was to attend the banquet as a finalist, I genuinely assumed I would be called to a birth. I simply couldn't wrap my brain around this recognition.
Most of you that know me, know that the opportunity to speak to 950 influential people that oppose my work and share with them the truths about homebirth, dispel the myths, and do so without having tomatoes thrown at me is beyond my wildest dreams. This was my opportunity. Every major hospital, and many community hospitals, were present at this banquet. While I knew I was to present a speech, I know too that because I was so bewildered, I really genuinely didn't think this opportunity would happen.
Honestly...a homebirth midwife being honored? A homebirth midwife who daily faces arguments from unsupportive family members? A homebirth midwife who is thought by many to work illegally? A homebirth midwife who is ostracized from her own professional group? A homebirth midwife whose mother hasn't spoken to her since the day she birthed her own son at home over four years ago? There had to be a mistake.
The day arrived however, and my "bat phone" didn't ring. It appeared as if I was genuinely going to attend the banquet. My husband was absolutely stunning in his suit. My kids were primped and by my side. I took a huge gulp and just moved through the motions, reminding myself that this is an opportunity to advocate for homebirth, birthing families, and Certified Nurse Midwives like I may never have again.
My husband dropped us off at the door and we were escorted to the banquet hall. We saw a large poster board detailing the seating arrangements. I was looking for our spot when a host recognized me, calling me out by name, "Penny Lane! We have a corsage for you! We will walk to your table!" Everyone turned to look at me and I think it was then that my brain just turned to mush. They pinned flowers on my sweater and rolled down the red carpet. I took the arm of the gentleman that was to lead me to my table, past a large poster portraying my my picture and professional journey. I shook hands with members of the State Board of Nursing as they thanked me for all I had done for the nursing profession and congratulated me on such a prestigious honor. Somewhere along the way, I think I blacked-out.
Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with amnesia or even better, possessed by a heavenly being that would continue to offer the most articulate and earth-moving speech that would change the hearts of every attendant. Instead, after our four star dinner, the presentor began to speak of a nurse who had broken the nursing mold and had stepped into unmarked territory as a homebirth midwife, advancing the nursing profession. They announced my name and invited Carie Mondero and Amy Kirbow to read their recommendation letters. I was so completely touched, smiling from ear to ear, and then from somewhere unexpected, tears began to stream down my face and I couldn't even see. Worse, I thought I was going to ball like a child... Not quite fair just prior to having to take the podium myself and hoping to move mountains with my own speech.
It happened none-the-less. My name was once again announced, but this time a camera man appeared from thin air and snapped shots with every move I made, lights nearly blinded me from every angle and glorious music played from the enormous speakers, as the audience hesitantly clapped. Again, I took the arm of my chaperon and he marched me down the red carpet, turning me at the end of the carpet so we could pose for pictures and then directed me to the stage.
Nine-hundred-and-fifty people is more than I could even lay my eyes on from the podium and although I didn't feel nerves, I realized immediately that my voice and composure had neglected to walk down the red carpet with me. I couldn't remember my speech and I couldn't see through my tears to read it no matter how many times I tried. I am heartbroken that I stumbled in this way, but I imagine the Lord has it within Him to bring glory to Himself and homebirth through my horrendous debacle.
Here is the speech I had hoped to deliver:
The nominations alone absolutely makes me want to crawl under a rock. I am extremely appreciative and overwhelmingly grateful, but also painfully humbled beyond comprehension. I am much more comfortable, I suppose, being in the light for fighting the current, being the one everyone is trying to hush, or tear down. Even when the crowd begins to follow my path, I am not the one recognized as having tread the journey. I am just too salty. Therefore, when the day approached in which I was to attend the banquet as a finalist, I genuinely assumed I would be called to a birth. I simply couldn't wrap my brain around this recognition.
Most of you that know me, know that the opportunity to speak to 950 influential people that oppose my work and share with them the truths about homebirth, dispel the myths, and do so without having tomatoes thrown at me is beyond my wildest dreams. This was my opportunity. Every major hospital, and many community hospitals, were present at this banquet. While I knew I was to present a speech, I know too that because I was so bewildered, I really genuinely didn't think this opportunity would happen.
Honestly...a homebirth midwife being honored? A homebirth midwife who daily faces arguments from unsupportive family members? A homebirth midwife who is thought by many to work illegally? A homebirth midwife who is ostracized from her own professional group? A homebirth midwife whose mother hasn't spoken to her since the day she birthed her own son at home over four years ago? There had to be a mistake.
The day arrived however, and my "bat phone" didn't ring. It appeared as if I was genuinely going to attend the banquet. My husband was absolutely stunning in his suit. My kids were primped and by my side. I took a huge gulp and just moved through the motions, reminding myself that this is an opportunity to advocate for homebirth, birthing families, and Certified Nurse Midwives like I may never have again.
My husband dropped us off at the door and we were escorted to the banquet hall. We saw a large poster board detailing the seating arrangements. I was looking for our spot when a host recognized me, calling me out by name, "Penny Lane! We have a corsage for you! We will walk to your table!" Everyone turned to look at me and I think it was then that my brain just turned to mush. They pinned flowers on my sweater and rolled down the red carpet. I took the arm of the gentleman that was to lead me to my table, past a large poster portraying my my picture and professional journey. I shook hands with members of the State Board of Nursing as they thanked me for all I had done for the nursing profession and congratulated me on such a prestigious honor. Somewhere along the way, I think I blacked-out.
Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with amnesia or even better, possessed by a heavenly being that would continue to offer the most articulate and earth-moving speech that would change the hearts of every attendant. Instead, after our four star dinner, the presentor began to speak of a nurse who had broken the nursing mold and had stepped into unmarked territory as a homebirth midwife, advancing the nursing profession. They announced my name and invited Carie Mondero and Amy Kirbow to read their recommendation letters. I was so completely touched, smiling from ear to ear, and then from somewhere unexpected, tears began to stream down my face and I couldn't even see. Worse, I thought I was going to ball like a child... Not quite fair just prior to having to take the podium myself and hoping to move mountains with my own speech.
It happened none-the-less. My name was once again announced, but this time a camera man appeared from thin air and snapped shots with every move I made, lights nearly blinded me from every angle and glorious music played from the enormous speakers, as the audience hesitantly clapped. Again, I took the arm of my chaperon and he marched me down the red carpet, turning me at the end of the carpet so we could pose for pictures and then directed me to the stage.
Nine-hundred-and-fifty people is more than I could even lay my eyes on from the podium and although I didn't feel nerves, I realized immediately that my voice and composure had neglected to walk down the red carpet with me. I couldn't remember my speech and I couldn't see through my tears to read it no matter how many times I tried. I am heartbroken that I stumbled in this way, but I imagine the Lord has it within Him to bring glory to Himself and homebirth through my horrendous debacle.
Here is the speech I had hoped to deliver:
However, that isn't at all what crossed my lips and I have horrible flashbacks that kept me up for a few nights. However, my joy has not been robbed from me. Again, the Lord is greatest in my weakness, which really proves just how great He is because I really messed this one up. We'll see what He does with it! (Pictures to come!)It is hard to find words that would give justice to what this award means to me.
I am a Nurse Midwife with a private practice, attending homebirths. I challenge the dominate medical model and would never imagine in our day and time, the Indianapolis Star and the State Board of Nursing would see my work worthy of recognition. I am overwhelmingly grateful, as this clearly demonstrates that our maternity care is on the cusp of change.
Everyday of my profession I have fought earnestly to be a voice for birthing families that desire something more than what our maternity care currently offers. We are an amazing country, yet somehow seem incapable of supporting women in safe childbirth. Our maternity care is in crisis.
We have hospitals in Central Indiana nearing a 40% cesarean rate. The maternal death rate has increased almost every year I have been a nurse. Our breastfeeding rates are absolutely humiliating. It baffles my mind that we had to create legislature giving women the right to breastfeed in the state of Indiana. This should have been a fundamental right without need for such legality.
We have become so dependent on technology, without improving outcomes, that our culture has become fearful of birth - the most precious and perfectly natural human experience. It is a reality that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around, although I appreciate that my profession, Nurse Midwifery, also perplexes the vast majority of today's society.
The truth is - women increasingly want more. They aren't seeking a fantasy birth or a badge of honor for natural childbirth. They want an experience that increases their chances for safety. Humanitarianism is about saving lives and alleviating suffering. Midwifery is about empowering families and having the humility as a nurse to become nothing more than their shadow. Babies don't need rescued from their mother's bodies. They were created to nurture and birth. They only scary part is that we have no control in how that is ultimately played out, but evidence overwhelmingly supports the midwifery model of care, which educates, encourages, an supports the laboring mother without manipulation.
My practice has proven tremendous outcomes, but we can't boast. These women believed in themselves and we haven't had our first cesarean birth due to an intrapartum complication. Midwives, particularly those in homebirth, face enormous challenges. I accept this award for those families that persevere and face the persecution, because of their conviction and continue fighting in hopes of creating safer options for their daughters.
I want to thank the Indianapolis Star, the Nursing Board, the sponsors of this beautiful event, those who nominated me and my practice, my amazing staff at Believe, my clients, St Vincent Hospital who has supported my practice, each and every co-worker that I have blessed me through the years with their encouragement and of course, it is those people that really deserve the applause.
I also want to thank my family. I go to bed many nights and wonder if this is worth it, if I am asking my family to sacrifice too much for my passion. They continually remind me that this is a family mission and our calling. I have an amazing husband and beautiful children. Thank-you. Praise the Lord and may He receive all the glory.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday's Menu
Our first order from Farm Fresh Delivery came this week. Unfortunately, they aren't delivering to us yet (until we can sweet talk a few other people up our way to join in ordering). We are going to go ahead and pick it up each week though, because we welcome the surprise of new and delicious fruits and vegetables, as well as the organic groceries. I wish I had gotten a picture before we unpacked them, but I had a long day of prenatals and Keely took care of the food for us. I was pleasantly suprised however. If anyone is interested in ordering, we'd be happy to pick it up for you each week until they agree to make a delivery here.
We received organic milk (the best milk I have ever tasted, genuinely), butter, farm fresh eggs, string cheese, herb ricotta ravioloi, mushroom patties, flax seed bread, organic croutons, athena melon, fuji apples, grapefruit, asparagus, cucumbers (huge and delicious), snow peas, green onions, cherry tomatoes, strawaberries and local oyster mushrooms.
Breakfasts:
- Amish Banana Bread
- Yogurt & Toast
- Waffles Blueberry & Cinnamon
- Bagels & Cream Cheese
- fish shaped tuna sandwiches with lettuce; baby carrots with 2 Tbsp ranch; small manderin orange and gold fish crackers
- 1 cup bow-tie pasta salad with veggies; 1 cup baby greens salad with 2 Tbsp dressing; 3/4 cup watermelon; 2 fig cookies
- salad with croutons, green & red peppers, green onions, califlower, cucumber and apples with apple butter
Dinners:
- Herb roasted Ravoli and asparagus
- Pork/Chicken stir fry with oyster mushrooms and rice
- Beef kabobs with peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions
- Pretzel Coated Fried Fish, corn on the cob & salad
- Roasting Chicken
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Skin-to-Skin
Noah has sat through many childbirth education classes and La Leche League meetings. He knows how to achieve a proper latch. He knows that circumcision mutilates a little boy's penis. He knows that babies come from eggs within the mother (although seems to think the bag full of eggs each man has hanging behind his penis, holds those eggs and he then gives them to his wife when they get married). He also knows that newborn babies should be held skin-to-skin. When we first arrived home from the hospital with Samuel, Noah was eager to hold him. I didn't realize just how much until he riped off his shirt, jumped on the couch and said, "Lay him on me! I am ready!" Samuel clearly enjoyed himself and Noah didn't move an inch for another two hours.
Toothy Grin
While I am breastfeeding the kids, I tend to give them this big goofy grin and they soon learn to mimic me. We have called this the big "toothy" grin and it is so completely adorable on the kids. Here is Noah's and this might be one of the last pictures of him doing this, as he has a much more normal smile these days.
Hospital Stay
Unfortunately, when I was pregnant with Samuel in 2006, there were no CNMs practicing in homebirth, so if I had to birth outside of my own home then I wanted to birth with Dr. Winkler, Dr. Harbor, and Dr. McCarty at Witham Hospital and with all the fabulous nurses with which I had become so close. It was a fabulous experience.
Noah was so cute with Samuel. He was really excited.
Noah was so cute with Samuel. He was really excited.Do you notice the sweat bands on his wrists? I had forgotten about these, but he wore them everyday for a long time. They were Mike's when he was little.
My nursing gown was made by Franny. It seems all my children are plagued with this newborn rash. Poor kids. I think I must get it too during each of my pregnancies!
Knowing the kids would get bored, I bought a gingerbread house for them to make for the nursing staff. Noah made this almost entirely himself and then presented it pridefully to the nurses. I didn't realize until later that he, nearly single handedly ate the entire thing himself too!
Baby Samuel asleep on mommy! Not as comfortable as home, but I don't have a single complaint. The care I received was absolutely incredible.
My nursing gown was made by Franny. It seems all my children are plagued with this newborn rash. Poor kids. I think I must get it too during each of my pregnancies!
Knowing the kids would get bored, I bought a gingerbread house for them to make for the nursing staff. Noah made this almost entirely himself and then presented it pridefully to the nurses. I didn't realize until later that he, nearly single handedly ate the entire thing himself too!
Baby Samuel asleep on mommy! Not as comfortable as home, but I don't have a single complaint. The care I received was absolutely incredible.
Samuel...loved by Daddy
At two months of age, February 19, 2007, Samuel weighed 14 punds, 6 ounces and was 26 inches in length, with a head circumference of 15 3/4 inches.
Usborne Books
The kids and I have always enjoyed Usborne books, so one month during a special offer they decided to become representatives and offer book parties in effort to earn free books. They are great little sale reps and have really enjoyed it, although we haven't done this for quite some time. These are pictures of them receiving their first big order and enjoying their rewards.
Keely ordered a joke book and some history books. She really ran the show when it came to putting on book shows. I think gaining more experience in public speaking was fabulous for her.
Noah ordered a dinosaur dig book. He looked so cute in his glasses and loved this book.
Keely ordered a joke book and some history books. She really ran the show when it came to putting on book shows. I think gaining more experience in public speaking was fabulous for her.
Cleaning Junk Piles
I always seem to have a few stacks of "to do" projects, items, papers and so forth that absolutely drive me nuts. I genuinely find it a great priority to have organized closets and storage areas, so these piles really do weigh on me as crazy as that sounds. I fear being labeled the type of person that starts a project, but never finishes it and I always fear what sorts of important items are hidden underneath my "to do" piles. This might be early nesting or maybe I am getting to a point where am actually accomplishing tasks in my practice, so I can move onto these "piles." Either way, my first goal is to dig through these boxes and piles, then move towards eliminating the sewing pile, scrapbooking, and eventually beading, crafting and crocheting.
I have organized my clients charts, my research articles, my office file cabinet, book shelves and the office closet. I have nearly organized all my office supplies and have eliminated about six piles of stuff. I had one last large box to work through and will then move onto the more fun projects, that literally have been put aside for years due to babies, degrees, moving, self-employment and drama. I have also hired an office assistant this week, and a few months ago, a director for the birth assistants who also does all my billing and coding. Life is good and getting brighter!!! I thought I would upload some pictures I've found within these junk piles. Enjoy!
I have organized my clients charts, my research articles, my office file cabinet, book shelves and the office closet. I have nearly organized all my office supplies and have eliminated about six piles of stuff. I had one last large box to work through and will then move onto the more fun projects, that literally have been put aside for years due to babies, degrees, moving, self-employment and drama. I have also hired an office assistant this week, and a few months ago, a director for the birth assistants who also does all my billing and coding. Life is good and getting brighter!!! I thought I would upload some pictures I've found within these junk piles. Enjoy!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday's Menu
This past week was a little crazy. We had a lot of running around to do, an all day staff meeting, and Tuesday we were completely free and worked hard to complete some house chores. Our menu was helpful in that we could just picked what worked for that day. Noah had made up a bunch of waffles on Sunday and we were set.
I also received the cute lunch container I mentioned and think I am going to use this for Noah. I've shared before that he has sensory integration disorder, which primarily affects his taste and touch sensations. For this reason, he has a horrendously poor diet. He tends to snack and rarely gets much protein, fruits or vegetables. What I've decided is that we'll fill his lunch container with foods from all food groups and he is not allowed to eat outside of that container until everthing in it is gone. The containers are perfect for him in that they won't allow the various foods to touch. They'll be perfect for the rest of us too in controlling our portions.
The sandwiches from last week, we made all at once for the staff meeting. My favorite by far was the apple butter and sliced apple sandwiches, which we made on cinnamon swirl bread. We'll definitely have those again. The cheesy rigatoni was also fabulous, in spite of not having many ingredients. The country style potatoes were also a huge hit.
This week...
Breakfasts
- Amish Bread (banana)
- Blueberry Waffles
- Cinnamon Waffles
- Oatmeal
- Banana Nut Cherrios
- Toast and Yogurt
Lunches
- 1 cup bow-tie pasta salad with veggies; 1 cup baby greens salad with 2 Tbsp dressing; 3/4 cup watermelon; 2 fig cookies
- fish shaped tuna sandwiches with lettuce; baby carrots with 2 Tbsp ranch; small manderin orange and gold fish crackers
- ham, turkey, and cheese rolled up, sliced, and skewered with pretzel sticks; cashews and fat-free container of chocolate pudding
- sliced boiled egg and half whole grain waffle; mini corn muffin; kiwi with blackberries and sliced bell pepper strips
- string cheese and a handful of whole wheat crackers; 1 cup broccoli and cauliflower florets with 2 Tbsp light raspberry dressing; 1/2 cup blueberries; slice of banana bread
- peanut butter and jelly on a whole wheat mini bagel; 3/4 cup cherry tomatoes with 2 Tbsp Caesar dressing; 1/2 cup pineapple chunks and 4 mini oatmeal cookies
- 2 mini whole wheat pita pockets with grilled-chicken strips and veggies; 3/4 cup vanilla yogurt wit sliced strawberries; 1/2 cup sugar snap peas and 8 animal crackers
Dinners
- Baked Macaroni & Cheese with salad
- Garlic Chicken with Orzo
- Baked Potato Bar
- Pretzel Coated Fried Fish, corn on the cob & salad
- Roasting chicken
- Irish ziti
Demise of SB86
The Sentate Bill for licensure of direct entry midwives did not receive review during its second hearing and therefore, the bill has died. Apparently after the republicans returned from their session following caucus, they presented the proposed bills opposite of their original line-up, putting the two most controversial bills at the end of the day.
It is speculated that this was purposeful, among many other manipulative moves which occurred during the bill's final days. I am sure I'll never have details of those and I am sure I'd be bitter as well, and am honestly a bit anxious about the potential for similar actions when I began working towards CNM legislature.
"Unfriendly amendments" were presented that seem to resolve around abortion in some way. I understand that representatives Jeff Thompson and Wes Culver also proposed amendments, although, in the end, were not presented in the final hearing. Republican Walorski also proposed amendments, although again, no details to share. It seems the speaker was wise to the political maneuvering of these representatives and stopped them in their tracks (as explained to me third-hand). Between bills, representatives such as Brian Bosma were presenting rule challenges that ultimately stalled SB86 from being heard.
My thought, understanding that I know very little about the process of moving a bill into law, is that because the direct entry bill is so lengthy and complex, there are simply too many points one can argue. This creates numerous amendments and options for additional hearings. I have said from the onset that I believe this bill, or their vision, would be successful if they would break it into pieces. A great deal of the bill is simply horrendous in itself and should be eliminated entirely, but at the very minimum address just the felony aspect first. Then address education and credentialing. EMTs and lots of other professions work without licensure, but their profession isn't illegal. Then address licensure and a midwifery board. Leave all the details to the board to maintain autonomy. Legislate very minimally.
When the breastfeeding legislative piece was presented in Indiana, they kept it simple. "Women have a right to breastfeed wherever they have a right to be." No age of the child was included. No discussion of discretion was mentioned...or any other detail that would allow room for argument. They didn't add work support, jury duty, insurance coverage, and all the other millions of barriers facing breastfeeding. They simply hit one point and have continued to hit new points each year, which has proven a successful strategy.
Representative Tim Brown as I am told, had a strong desire for SB86 to crumble, as he felt strongly that the bill violated the AMA's scope of practice. There were many opponents however, and who knows the real issue or whether it was really just too large a controversy to be addressed within the time restraints and hurdles presented when attempting to pass a bill.
The direct entry midwives will not quit. They have unyielding passion. Certified Nurse Midwives have much to learn and I am anxious about moving forward in any respect, if there is any truth to the manipulation that can disrupt years of hard work in a two hour hearing. CNMs simply aren't a united group, as the DEMs are in the state. I haven't the political elbow rubbing experience that it would require to go alone, although am building bridges and learning quickly. We'll see, I suppose, what the Lord has in store for me in this regard.
As for the direct entry bill...their supporters were Representatives Peggy Welch, Charlie Brown, David Frizzel and Senators Gary Dillon, Vi Simpson, Ed Charbonnaeu and Patricia Miller. Kathy Williams was their lobbyist and she apparently, was tremendous.
It is speculated that this was purposeful, among many other manipulative moves which occurred during the bill's final days. I am sure I'll never have details of those and I am sure I'd be bitter as well, and am honestly a bit anxious about the potential for similar actions when I began working towards CNM legislature.
"Unfriendly amendments" were presented that seem to resolve around abortion in some way. I understand that representatives Jeff Thompson and Wes Culver also proposed amendments, although, in the end, were not presented in the final hearing. Republican Walorski also proposed amendments, although again, no details to share. It seems the speaker was wise to the political maneuvering of these representatives and stopped them in their tracks (as explained to me third-hand). Between bills, representatives such as Brian Bosma were presenting rule challenges that ultimately stalled SB86 from being heard.
My thought, understanding that I know very little about the process of moving a bill into law, is that because the direct entry bill is so lengthy and complex, there are simply too many points one can argue. This creates numerous amendments and options for additional hearings. I have said from the onset that I believe this bill, or their vision, would be successful if they would break it into pieces. A great deal of the bill is simply horrendous in itself and should be eliminated entirely, but at the very minimum address just the felony aspect first. Then address education and credentialing. EMTs and lots of other professions work without licensure, but their profession isn't illegal. Then address licensure and a midwifery board. Leave all the details to the board to maintain autonomy. Legislate very minimally.
When the breastfeeding legislative piece was presented in Indiana, they kept it simple. "Women have a right to breastfeed wherever they have a right to be." No age of the child was included. No discussion of discretion was mentioned...or any other detail that would allow room for argument. They didn't add work support, jury duty, insurance coverage, and all the other millions of barriers facing breastfeeding. They simply hit one point and have continued to hit new points each year, which has proven a successful strategy.
Representative Tim Brown as I am told, had a strong desire for SB86 to crumble, as he felt strongly that the bill violated the AMA's scope of practice. There were many opponents however, and who knows the real issue or whether it was really just too large a controversy to be addressed within the time restraints and hurdles presented when attempting to pass a bill.
The direct entry midwives will not quit. They have unyielding passion. Certified Nurse Midwives have much to learn and I am anxious about moving forward in any respect, if there is any truth to the manipulation that can disrupt years of hard work in a two hour hearing. CNMs simply aren't a united group, as the DEMs are in the state. I haven't the political elbow rubbing experience that it would require to go alone, although am building bridges and learning quickly. We'll see, I suppose, what the Lord has in store for me in this regard.
As for the direct entry bill...their supporters were Representatives Peggy Welch, Charlie Brown, David Frizzel and Senators Gary Dillon, Vi Simpson, Ed Charbonnaeu and Patricia Miller. Kathy Williams was their lobbyist and she apparently, was tremendous.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Forgiveness & Friendships
I purchased a book at the beginning of the school year titled, The Christian Mom's Idea Book, by Ellen Banks Elwell and have slowly been reading through it during my free moments. It offers short little discussions on several mothering issues utilizing the alphabet as a guide. Last night I grabbed it as I was diving in a relaxing bath. I found it a bit ironic that forgiveness was next on the list, along with friendships.
I have always felt I had a very forgiving heart, although often have been criticized of the opposite. I think this is often because forgiveness is confused with reconciliation. I have had many broken relationships, and while I don't hold any ill-will or even negative feelings, I am not eager to return to a relationship that was not otherwise healthy and has no indication of offering anymore than it previous had. I am well aware and optimistic that the Lord can do great things in people, molding them and myself towards a reconciliation, but forgiveness in itself isn't lacking simply because relationships aren't fully reinstated as they originally were.
This book reminded me of Joseph in the Old Testament. After Joseph experienced the mistreatment of his brothers, separation from his father, and all the hurt and anger that went along with all that, he declared, "As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you have meant for evil, for he brought me to this high position I have today so that I could save the lives of many people" (Genesis 50:20). It is true that sometimes we find ourselves in a position in which we think we'll never recover from loss, pain, betrayal, or grief. As healing takes place though, we can see redemption. God's peace has always been offered me and I can say, genuinely, that I have been molded for the better in each of my painful steps.
Author Gil Beers has said, "Seeds of strength are planted in the soils of weakness. Your most uplifting strength tomorrow may grow from your most debilitating weakness today."
The author of The Christian Mom's Idea Book also discusses what forgiveness is not. It is not ignoring the truth. To the contrary, I am able to forgive only after I have spoken the truth in love to a person who has wronged me. This helps diffuse the temptation to retaliate or ignore entirely. Forgiveness also does not mean saying, "That's okay." It's not okay. Forgiveness is releasing another from our desire to take revenge or get even, choosing rather to look to God to set things straight. And He always does, even though it's not always our way or in our time.
None of us are perfect. We all have made mistakes we wish we could erase. We will disappoint each other. We will fail each other. Unfortunately, this is something we can count on. For this reason, it is important to me that my close friends share a love for God, His truth, and His righteousness. Proverbs 27:19 reminds us:
I have always felt I had a very forgiving heart, although often have been criticized of the opposite. I think this is often because forgiveness is confused with reconciliation. I have had many broken relationships, and while I don't hold any ill-will or even negative feelings, I am not eager to return to a relationship that was not otherwise healthy and has no indication of offering anymore than it previous had. I am well aware and optimistic that the Lord can do great things in people, molding them and myself towards a reconciliation, but forgiveness in itself isn't lacking simply because relationships aren't fully reinstated as they originally were.
This book reminded me of Joseph in the Old Testament. After Joseph experienced the mistreatment of his brothers, separation from his father, and all the hurt and anger that went along with all that, he declared, "As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you have meant for evil, for he brought me to this high position I have today so that I could save the lives of many people" (Genesis 50:20). It is true that sometimes we find ourselves in a position in which we think we'll never recover from loss, pain, betrayal, or grief. As healing takes place though, we can see redemption. God's peace has always been offered me and I can say, genuinely, that I have been molded for the better in each of my painful steps.
Author Gil Beers has said, "Seeds of strength are planted in the soils of weakness. Your most uplifting strength tomorrow may grow from your most debilitating weakness today."
The author of The Christian Mom's Idea Book also discusses what forgiveness is not. It is not ignoring the truth. To the contrary, I am able to forgive only after I have spoken the truth in love to a person who has wronged me. This helps diffuse the temptation to retaliate or ignore entirely. Forgiveness also does not mean saying, "That's okay." It's not okay. Forgiveness is releasing another from our desire to take revenge or get even, choosing rather to look to God to set things straight. And He always does, even though it's not always our way or in our time.
None of us are perfect. We all have made mistakes we wish we could erase. We will disappoint each other. We will fail each other. Unfortunately, this is something we can count on. For this reason, it is important to me that my close friends share a love for God, His truth, and His righteousness. Proverbs 27:19 reminds us:
A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is
shown by the kinds of friends he chooses.
We should have a variety of friends, which makes life more interesting. We should also have friendships which involve both giving and taking. Mutual respect is very important. Hospitality is also vital. Not just in service, but in warmth and generosity. Franny, I must say exudes this trait in her friendships.
Friends are such a blessing in that we can help each other keep life in perspective. We can encourage each other, lend a helping hand, share joys and sorrows, and pray for one another - sometimes we simply can pray for ourselves. We can rebuke one another, learn from each other, have fun together and build memories and grow old together. However, often in friendships, we tend to hold each other up on pedestals and then when our friends struggle or face trials, we become angry with them and disappointed, even personally offended. We must be cautious in reminding ourselves that no matter how much we respect and adore each other, no person on this earth is perfect.
Funny enough, my next reading will be on Husbands!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Diapers and Potty Training
Samuel absolutely hates having his diaper changed and will scream and fight like I've never seen a child do before. The other day he told me it was because of the "cold wipes." I asked him if I could change his diaper and not use the wipe and he agreed, anxiously. We have since bought a diaper warmer and used it for the first time this morning. He was so surprised and has been a joy all day long.
This morning Noah was helping him get dressed. He had his dinosaur pajamas on and wanted to wear his Elmo pajamas. Noah talked him into wearing his Elmo shirt, but he wanted his Elmo pajama bottoms. I explained to Samuel that it was daytime and he had to wear blue jeans. He looked through his clothes and found blue, Elmo pajama bottoms and was confident he had blue jeans. So today, Samuel wore Elmo pajamas.
This evening, Noah again helped him prepare for bed. A little while later after I got out of the tub, Samuel was missing his pants. I asked him where they were and he said, "Down-stairs." I asked him if he had a diaper on and he said, "Yes. I messed diaper. Poop in diaper. No potty. No go bye-bye potty. I messed diaper." Apparently, he has avoided being potty trained because he doesn't like seeing his poop go bye-bye and he even walked in to the bathroom to show me the toilet and that he doesn't like poop go down there.
I don't remember any of the kids being so expressive so young, although Noah definitely might have been. He did talk a lot too and always had a lot of very grown up things to share. I absolutely love this age.
This morning Noah was helping him get dressed. He had his dinosaur pajamas on and wanted to wear his Elmo pajamas. Noah talked him into wearing his Elmo shirt, but he wanted his Elmo pajama bottoms. I explained to Samuel that it was daytime and he had to wear blue jeans. He looked through his clothes and found blue, Elmo pajama bottoms and was confident he had blue jeans. So today, Samuel wore Elmo pajamas.
This evening, Noah again helped him prepare for bed. A little while later after I got out of the tub, Samuel was missing his pants. I asked him where they were and he said, "Down-stairs." I asked him if he had a diaper on and he said, "Yes. I messed diaper. Poop in diaper. No potty. No go bye-bye potty. I messed diaper." Apparently, he has avoided being potty trained because he doesn't like seeing his poop go bye-bye and he even walked in to the bathroom to show me the toilet and that he doesn't like poop go down there.
I don't remember any of the kids being so expressive so young, although Noah definitely might have been. He did talk a lot too and always had a lot of very grown up things to share. I absolutely love this age.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
More Samuel Funnies...
Samuel has started telling Knock Knock jokes. He can play either part now, which I think at two years-of-age, proves he's brilliant.
"Knock Knock," Samuel says.
Who's there?
"Apple," Samuel says.
"Apple Who?"
"Apple Juice!" He squeals. Isn't he cute. He made that all up by himself. Sometimes he says, "Apple Banana," but mostly "Apple Juice."
This evening the kids and I had lasagna and garlic bread for dinner and then Samuel wanted boobie and mommy time. I asked him while he was nursing if it tasted like lasagna and he said, "No, Mommie. Soap." Ha!
"Knock Knock," Samuel says.
Who's there?
"Apple," Samuel says.
"Apple Who?"
"Apple Juice!" He squeals. Isn't he cute. He made that all up by himself. Sometimes he says, "Apple Banana," but mostly "Apple Juice."
This evening the kids and I had lasagna and garlic bread for dinner and then Samuel wanted boobie and mommy time. I asked him while he was nursing if it tasted like lasagna and he said, "No, Mommie. Soap." Ha!
Amino Acids & Depression
I am not as educated in the many aspects of nutrition that I would like to be, so today I am reading a tiny bit about phenylalanine & tyrosine. I have been reminded that while essential amino acids are supplied only from our diet, most amino acids are non-essential acids, as they are manufactured within our bodies.
The quantity of what our bodies require daily varies, because this is dependent on what we eat and on our fluctuating digestive ability which is dictated by our stress level, temperature, food combinations and a host of other variables. From day to day, our bodies might enjoy an oversupply or languish from an undersupply of an of the actual acids or raw materials needed for their manufacture.
Amino acids are not stored. If one day's requirement is not met, then some chemical activity in the body may falter. The most noticeable alterations in biochemisty due to inadequate supply occur in the brain. Depression, wavering concentration, lower libido, anxiety, faulty memory and difficulty with linear thought and evaluative judgment may result.
Interestingly, timing also plays an enormous role in how our body benefits from the amino acids we obtain in our diet. For example, a protein-rich breaskfast may contain all the phenylalanine required for the sharp wit a public speaker may need. Unfortunately though, the speaker may be due at the podium at 10 am while the phenylalanine will be released from the protein by noon or 1 pm. Our speaker may trip and stumble through his 10 o'clock presentation, and wonder later that afternoon how he ever could have made such a fool of himself.
L-Phenylalanine
Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid whose richest food sources are cheese, meats, milk and eggs. This is required by the brain for manufacteuring norepinephrine, which carries messages from one nerve cell to another. Bored yet? Inadequate supplies of phenylalanine will result in inadequate supplies of norepinephrine which would then lead to cloudy thoughts, difficulty with memory, and feelings of loss of control. A deficiency would lead to a lack of alertness and depression. Do you identify? Supplemental phenylalanine is dosages of 100 to 500 mg taken on an empthy stomach and have shown to keep your wits sharp and spirits up. Vitamins C and B6 are synergistic nutrients required to convert phenylalanine to nerepinephrine.
This amino acids can also help release growth hormone from the pituitary which assists in burning fat and building muscle. It stimulates the immune response and promotes healing.
Danger? High doses might increase blood pressure in those already suffering with hypertension. Otherwise, there appears to be no danger in dosages of 100 to 500 mg of phenylalanine (Timon, 1982).
L-TYROSINE
L-Tyrosine is a non-essential amino acid which assists in converting phenylalanine to norepinephrine. It is also a precursor of the neurotransmitters dopamine and epinephrine. Some individuals find great benefit in supplementing this amino acid because either their their enzyme systems don't effectively make the conversion or because their bodies have some unique and overpowering need for extra amounts of phenylalanine in some other location.
Tyrosine is specifically being researched as an antidepressant. It is assumed by some experts that one cause of organic depression lies in a failure of the brain to produce sufficient quantities or norepinephrine, most commonly due to dietary adequacy or biochemic incapability. Therefore, extra amounts in the diet may elevate brain levels of norepinephrine, improving neurotransmissions and doing away with depression.
The human body and its master gland, the brain, are so infinitely complicated that I can't imagine a single antidote would solve our depression delimmas, yet like all aspects of life and biblical principle, moderation is key. If we are depriving ourselves of a healthy diet, then we will reep those consequences. It just seems too easy to jump towards pharmaceuticals, when making a genuine effort in improving diet and exercise demands such sacrifice!
The quantity of what our bodies require daily varies, because this is dependent on what we eat and on our fluctuating digestive ability which is dictated by our stress level, temperature, food combinations and a host of other variables. From day to day, our bodies might enjoy an oversupply or languish from an undersupply of an of the actual acids or raw materials needed for their manufacture.
Amino acids are not stored. If one day's requirement is not met, then some chemical activity in the body may falter. The most noticeable alterations in biochemisty due to inadequate supply occur in the brain. Depression, wavering concentration, lower libido, anxiety, faulty memory and difficulty with linear thought and evaluative judgment may result.
Interestingly, timing also plays an enormous role in how our body benefits from the amino acids we obtain in our diet. For example, a protein-rich breaskfast may contain all the phenylalanine required for the sharp wit a public speaker may need. Unfortunately though, the speaker may be due at the podium at 10 am while the phenylalanine will be released from the protein by noon or 1 pm. Our speaker may trip and stumble through his 10 o'clock presentation, and wonder later that afternoon how he ever could have made such a fool of himself.
L-Phenylalanine
Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid whose richest food sources are cheese, meats, milk and eggs. This is required by the brain for manufacteuring norepinephrine, which carries messages from one nerve cell to another. Bored yet? Inadequate supplies of phenylalanine will result in inadequate supplies of norepinephrine which would then lead to cloudy thoughts, difficulty with memory, and feelings of loss of control. A deficiency would lead to a lack of alertness and depression. Do you identify? Supplemental phenylalanine is dosages of 100 to 500 mg taken on an empthy stomach and have shown to keep your wits sharp and spirits up. Vitamins C and B6 are synergistic nutrients required to convert phenylalanine to nerepinephrine.
This amino acids can also help release growth hormone from the pituitary which assists in burning fat and building muscle. It stimulates the immune response and promotes healing.
Danger? High doses might increase blood pressure in those already suffering with hypertension. Otherwise, there appears to be no danger in dosages of 100 to 500 mg of phenylalanine (Timon, 1982).
L-TYROSINE
L-Tyrosine is a non-essential amino acid which assists in converting phenylalanine to norepinephrine. It is also a precursor of the neurotransmitters dopamine and epinephrine. Some individuals find great benefit in supplementing this amino acid because either their their enzyme systems don't effectively make the conversion or because their bodies have some unique and overpowering need for extra amounts of phenylalanine in some other location.
Tyrosine is specifically being researched as an antidepressant. It is assumed by some experts that one cause of organic depression lies in a failure of the brain to produce sufficient quantities or norepinephrine, most commonly due to dietary adequacy or biochemic incapability. Therefore, extra amounts in the diet may elevate brain levels of norepinephrine, improving neurotransmissions and doing away with depression.
The human body and its master gland, the brain, are so infinitely complicated that I can't imagine a single antidote would solve our depression delimmas, yet like all aspects of life and biblical principle, moderation is key. If we are depriving ourselves of a healthy diet, then we will reep those consequences. It just seems too easy to jump towards pharmaceuticals, when making a genuine effort in improving diet and exercise demands such sacrifice!
Einstein
If I were asked who it is I find most facinating in all the world, I would likely answer, Albert Einstien. Not only was he brilliant, but he was wise.
He once asked, "Do you know what the first sign of Alheimers is?" This, I think, is a disorder that terrifies most all of us, probably more than any other cause of death, because you simply don't see it coming or frankly, don't even know you are living with it!
Albert Einstein answered, "It is the failure to recognize sarcasm."
He once asked, "Do you know what the first sign of Alheimers is?" This, I think, is a disorder that terrifies most all of us, probably more than any other cause of death, because you simply don't see it coming or frankly, don't even know you are living with it!
Albert Einstein answered, "It is the failure to recognize sarcasm."
Eulogy
I absolutely have no time to share this thought, but I am all about procrastination on the "to do" list! I was cuddling with Samuel in the sitting room this morning, letting him wake up slowly hoping he would be in a better mood. He was talking about all sorts of things...and have I shared that he sings Scooby Doo...Where are you?...Work to do... Adorable.
Anyway, I started thinking about family, and a comment a client of mine made a while back about her troubled brother, "We all have a sister or brother like that, right?"
I then began to think of some of the more recent stories Mike has shared about his family and how completely opposite two siblings can be. It is absolutely amazing to me, and what is even more perplexing is how the community still seems to judge you based on the choices of your family members. "Well, he may run for mayor, but he'll never succeed. His brother got busted for pot last year." This sort of mentality really contradicts my client's statement, "we all have a brother like that" because clearly if this were so, we would identify, not judge.
However, there are families that on all fronts really appear well put together. Then I thought of my father's family. My father is the youngest of a line of children. His father and mother came from rather affluent families with high esteem within the community. My father was the youngest and got his high-school girlfriend pregnant, so he did the "right" thing and married her after joining the military. Because we were stationed so far away from his family, I really didn't get to know any of them until many years later into my childhood, following my parents divorce. My mother moved back to Indiana, while my father remained in California for another four years.
I was in the second grade then and was thrilled to get to know my grandparents. I quickly became very bonded to my cousins and always had a fabulous time with them on holidays when my Dad was home. There were many times however, that I would drop by my grandparents, outside of my father being home on leave and my grandmother was an entirely different woman. She didn't want me to enter beyond the front door and she always had a great excuse...she didn't like dogs and I had brought my puppy...they were just getting ready to leave... Once my mother asked me if I would walk down to grandma's and ask her if she could babysit us and she said she wasn't able to because they were going to church. I had never been to church before and thought that sounded very delightful. I asked if I could go with them and she said, "Children aren't allowed at our church." I walked home disappointed, only later to be driven by grandma's house by the babysitter and found my cousins playing in the front yard with grandma and grandpa.
I was naive, but still heart-broken. The truth is, I was a filthy kid and so was my sister. My absent father was born with the worst case of cleft lip and palate in the nation at that time. He was "that brother" in an otherwise perfect family. After my parents divorced and my mother moved us back to Indiana, she quickly became overwhelmed with drugs, alcohol and men. Parenting was not at all a priority. I had little to no discipline, and my mouth was as dirty as a my hair. I continued the disgrace on the Pearcy family my father had initiated years ago. My grandmother was humiliated.
Many holidays went by and most often I thoroughly enjoyed myself during Dad's visits home with the Pearcy family. It seems when we visited with Dad, there was a veil that sort of hid our filth. My cousins hadn't a care in the world about their family's reputation at the time or the controversies. We had fun together. We all knew who the favorites were though and who we knew would grow up "to be something special" and who wouldn't.
My grandmother really loved my Dad, but much like one cares for "little Timmy" who you never assume will amount to much. My father's aunts and uncles all sort of treated him the same way. Dad just soaked it up in bitterness. He often turned the attention away from him and would allow the family to speak horribly about my mother or a step-mom, or if my sister wasn't present, they would speak poorly about her and I have no doubt when I wasn't present, I was the target of their shame as well. I was always the child that spoke her mind, an advocate from birth, and never shied to the potential of offending someone when standing up on a matter of principle. I was out-of-line as a child, and did frequently offend my elders.
My grandfather died shortly after high school and I didn't see him prior to his death. I wasn't aware of his illness, but I did attend his visitation and funeral. My father and I were asked to ride with grandma in the initial car behind the hurst because grandma didn't drive and we had the additional room. Dad had previously shared with me, during the few days leading to grandpa's death, a man visited grandpa who apparently was his son from a previous marriage. He wanted to say his good-byes. At the time, Dad had said he was completely unaware that his father had another son. He seemed genuinely overwhelmed, but not entirely negatively. He said all his life he had thought he was the youngest of six and now he has to rearrange himself as the youngest of seven. I felt Dad was eager to know this man and welcome him into his family, maybe with a little optimism that this new brother would see beyond his facial imperfections and get to know him as a man, a brother.
Apparently, this forgotten son, spent several days with grandpa and the family in the hospital prior to grandpa's death. During our ride to the cemetery, I asked grandma why his name wasn't printed in the paper with the rest of Dad's siblings. She replied, "We didn't know about him before the obituary was sent to the paper." I responded, "You sent the obituary to the paper days before grandpa even died?" No response and a stern look. I knew. I also noticed at the funeral that this uncle had more features of my grandpa than any of his other children combined. This was a humiliating moment for grandma and she was more worried about what the neighbors would say than any principle.
I had little to no contact with the Pearcy family for the next ten years or so. When my son died, my Dad's siblings did come to the funeral to support my father, which I thought was fabulous. However, they kept me at an arm's length and were quite condescending, as if I was still a filthy, uneducated ten-year-old. My father, I am sure, played into this considerably, as he loved to have any negative attention diverted from himself even if it was at the cost of his own children or wife.
A few years ago however, my grandmother became sick and was dying. I did go visit her and she was very kind. She was the "cute" grandmother that always wore purple and gave me little trinkets, or pens to add to my art collection. She was adorable and she seemed completely genuine. I had a momentary lapse and had great ideations that she had accepted the mentality of my generation, not caring as much about the neighbors as one does their own family. Unfortunately, I realized soon, that she was simply nearing the end stages of dementia and there was little to no opportunity to establish a relationship with her.
As she died, my cousin called me apparently with the thought that grandma was holding on because she wanted to ask my forgiveness. I was the only one who had not visited. I haven't shared that my pregnancy as a freshman in college added even more humiliation to the family's name and not only was this my final outcast, but each and every member of the family had kind words for me upon my departure. It is apparently quite easy to speak so cruel to someone you had never looked upon as anymore human than a filthy animal. I suppose this is also how one so easily forgets the horrible things they've said and can maintain their pride.
I did visit grandma at my cousin's request and I am not sure that she was even aware of my presence. While there however, I spent several hours playing cards with my cousins and was reminded of the fun we had in our youth. My cousin also shared the newly revealed family secrets with me, in strict privacy. She was shocked that my father hadn't told me and swore me to silence because it was specifically said, by my aunts and uncles, not to tell "Penny and Megan because they won't understand and will judge grandma harshly." Apparently, my grandmother spilled her guilt's on her death bed and unfortunately, my Dad was the bulk of her life's heartbreak, but not for the reasons you would imagine.
As a teenager in high-school, a cheerleader from a well-to-do family, my grandmother had relationships with the quarterback of the football team, and became pregnant. She carried this baby and gave it up for adoption, a daughter. Immediately, I identified with her. Not with the adoption, but with the circumstances of having stumbled and having to face daily the consequences of those mistakes that are blatant for everyone to see and judge. I simply couldn't imagine the depth of her pain and how this affected her as a mother, a grandmother, a woman.
Then I imagined how painful it must have been to see her son stumble into the same circumstances, yet face his situation boldly through entering marriage and the military. Unfortunately however, because of their divorce and the lifestyle my mother lived, time didn't hide the secret and we continued to shame her. Then I as well, had a child out of wedlock and again, chose to raise my daughter as a single mother. Not only did the shame continue through generation after generation, but her arms had to ache for the daughter she had let go. She must have secretly imagined how her life might have been different if she could have broken free of the expectations of her neighbor's and just simply lived her life, as Dad or I had chose to do, with our babies cradled in our arms.
This wasn't even the tip of the secret life my grandmother stored away. My grandfather's father apparently was a "lady's man," and had many, many relationships outside of his marriage. He apparently was a regular at a local dance club and had many admirers. One particular relationship apparently provided him with another long line of children and at some point later, he had relationships with a woman younger than his youngest child and she too became pregnant. The story as it was told to me was that my great-grandfather promised my grandfather the family business if he would marry this woman and claim the child as his own. My grandfather agreed, but apparently his father never came through with his promise and my grandfather divorced this woman a few years later. However, he was then obligated to pay child support, which he was exceptionally bitter about, neglected and was sued for, bringing greater shame to my grandmother. The brother my father thought he had gained ten years earlier, had now become his uncle. Another identity crisis.
At some point during my grandfather's military travels he also fathered a child between two of my father's oldest siblings. It is no wonder my grandmother was so concerned about the thoughts of her neighbors! She was consumed by infidelity and guilt, clearly expending a great deal of energy holding up her false face! She shared on her death bed, that she felt my father and his birth defects, were God's punishments for her sins. Can you imagine?
Can you imagine the heartbreak my grandmother lived in her lifetime? Can you imagine the heartbreak my father lived in his? Did he hope his mother would share on her death bed how much pride she had in him and how much she loved him in spite of the world's judgment only instead to hear that his mother thought he was a punishment for her sins and the sins of his father? I felt nothing but sorrow for my grandmother and particularly my father. This was the first time I had seen her as a woman...a fallen woman. I felt such pity.
Of course, there are stories shared about another family member, a cousin that shot his mother at the dinner table and apparently this was the first murder in Frankfort, Indiana with newspaper postings still in the library. There are stories of even more children, both fathered by my grandfather and my great-grandfather. I remember names being shared and even street names of where these families live. However, I have also been told that my father's new found brother visited the family every-other weekend and Dad's older siblings were well aware of him, and that there was no secret. I had no idea and my Dad claims no awareness, but he was the youngest and with little discussion, could genuinely have been oblivious. Forty years does dampen your memory some.
I have really created an enormous diversion from my "to do" list in this post, but the original point I was led to share was that at my grandmother's funeral her eulogy was provided by a minister that was unfamiliar with her. He was the minister of my uncle, I believe. However, he was provided her bible and was able to read notes she had tucked within it and the scriptures which she had underlined. From these readings and speaking to others, he shared that my grandmother's legacy was her love for children. He shared that my grandmother was a Christian with strong-faith and her greatest desire in life was to led children to the Lord. He shared that she was a volunteer in vacation bible school and was active in children's ministries of many other sorts. I was a bit flabbergasted.
I began looking around the room, which I must add was absolutely full of people. Many county leaders, fireman, policemen and professionals attended her funeral, and I was told even the mayor was present. She would have been proud. I apparently lived in another reality that my grandmother's. Never once did I hear her speak of Christ. Never did I ever hear her speak of God. I wasn't granted mercy or grace or compassion or forgiveness. I didn't even know she had a passion for children. I hadn't any impression what-so-ever that she appreciated children as a blessing from our Lord. I couldn't even tell you what church she went to or what denomination she practiced.
She may have fooled the masses, but she neglected the needy. She didn't care for the least of these or maybe if this was her secret heart's desire, my own grandmother's identity, it is so utterly sad that she hide this from us behind a wall of shame. It is my greatest hope that grandmother is in heaven now, cradled in the arms of Christ. What complete peace she must have to release such an enormous amount of grief and agony. It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how Christ took on this for us. The physical pain of the cross, doesn't move me nearly as much as his awareness that not only would he accept and feel the guilt and pride of my grandmother, my grandfather, but also my mother and father, and myself...and each one of us. I simply can't imagine.
My grandmother approached life with more pride and timidity than anyone I had ever known. Her infidelity isn't her greatest shame, but I think instead, it was her pride. I find great strength in confession and forgiveness and mercy and grace. Thank-you Lord for choosing me, for giving me faith, and for forgiving me. My prayer is that pride doesn't crumble my family and that we can love each other genuinely, as you have loved us.
Anyway, I started thinking about family, and a comment a client of mine made a while back about her troubled brother, "We all have a sister or brother like that, right?"
I then began to think of some of the more recent stories Mike has shared about his family and how completely opposite two siblings can be. It is absolutely amazing to me, and what is even more perplexing is how the community still seems to judge you based on the choices of your family members. "Well, he may run for mayor, but he'll never succeed. His brother got busted for pot last year." This sort of mentality really contradicts my client's statement, "we all have a brother like that" because clearly if this were so, we would identify, not judge.
However, there are families that on all fronts really appear well put together. Then I thought of my father's family. My father is the youngest of a line of children. His father and mother came from rather affluent families with high esteem within the community. My father was the youngest and got his high-school girlfriend pregnant, so he did the "right" thing and married her after joining the military. Because we were stationed so far away from his family, I really didn't get to know any of them until many years later into my childhood, following my parents divorce. My mother moved back to Indiana, while my father remained in California for another four years.
I was in the second grade then and was thrilled to get to know my grandparents. I quickly became very bonded to my cousins and always had a fabulous time with them on holidays when my Dad was home. There were many times however, that I would drop by my grandparents, outside of my father being home on leave and my grandmother was an entirely different woman. She didn't want me to enter beyond the front door and she always had a great excuse...she didn't like dogs and I had brought my puppy...they were just getting ready to leave... Once my mother asked me if I would walk down to grandma's and ask her if she could babysit us and she said she wasn't able to because they were going to church. I had never been to church before and thought that sounded very delightful. I asked if I could go with them and she said, "Children aren't allowed at our church." I walked home disappointed, only later to be driven by grandma's house by the babysitter and found my cousins playing in the front yard with grandma and grandpa.
I was naive, but still heart-broken. The truth is, I was a filthy kid and so was my sister. My absent father was born with the worst case of cleft lip and palate in the nation at that time. He was "that brother" in an otherwise perfect family. After my parents divorced and my mother moved us back to Indiana, she quickly became overwhelmed with drugs, alcohol and men. Parenting was not at all a priority. I had little to no discipline, and my mouth was as dirty as a my hair. I continued the disgrace on the Pearcy family my father had initiated years ago. My grandmother was humiliated.
Many holidays went by and most often I thoroughly enjoyed myself during Dad's visits home with the Pearcy family. It seems when we visited with Dad, there was a veil that sort of hid our filth. My cousins hadn't a care in the world about their family's reputation at the time or the controversies. We had fun together. We all knew who the favorites were though and who we knew would grow up "to be something special" and who wouldn't.
My grandmother really loved my Dad, but much like one cares for "little Timmy" who you never assume will amount to much. My father's aunts and uncles all sort of treated him the same way. Dad just soaked it up in bitterness. He often turned the attention away from him and would allow the family to speak horribly about my mother or a step-mom, or if my sister wasn't present, they would speak poorly about her and I have no doubt when I wasn't present, I was the target of their shame as well. I was always the child that spoke her mind, an advocate from birth, and never shied to the potential of offending someone when standing up on a matter of principle. I was out-of-line as a child, and did frequently offend my elders.
My grandfather died shortly after high school and I didn't see him prior to his death. I wasn't aware of his illness, but I did attend his visitation and funeral. My father and I were asked to ride with grandma in the initial car behind the hurst because grandma didn't drive and we had the additional room. Dad had previously shared with me, during the few days leading to grandpa's death, a man visited grandpa who apparently was his son from a previous marriage. He wanted to say his good-byes. At the time, Dad had said he was completely unaware that his father had another son. He seemed genuinely overwhelmed, but not entirely negatively. He said all his life he had thought he was the youngest of six and now he has to rearrange himself as the youngest of seven. I felt Dad was eager to know this man and welcome him into his family, maybe with a little optimism that this new brother would see beyond his facial imperfections and get to know him as a man, a brother.
Apparently, this forgotten son, spent several days with grandpa and the family in the hospital prior to grandpa's death. During our ride to the cemetery, I asked grandma why his name wasn't printed in the paper with the rest of Dad's siblings. She replied, "We didn't know about him before the obituary was sent to the paper." I responded, "You sent the obituary to the paper days before grandpa even died?" No response and a stern look. I knew. I also noticed at the funeral that this uncle had more features of my grandpa than any of his other children combined. This was a humiliating moment for grandma and she was more worried about what the neighbors would say than any principle.
I had little to no contact with the Pearcy family for the next ten years or so. When my son died, my Dad's siblings did come to the funeral to support my father, which I thought was fabulous. However, they kept me at an arm's length and were quite condescending, as if I was still a filthy, uneducated ten-year-old. My father, I am sure, played into this considerably, as he loved to have any negative attention diverted from himself even if it was at the cost of his own children or wife.
A few years ago however, my grandmother became sick and was dying. I did go visit her and she was very kind. She was the "cute" grandmother that always wore purple and gave me little trinkets, or pens to add to my art collection. She was adorable and she seemed completely genuine. I had a momentary lapse and had great ideations that she had accepted the mentality of my generation, not caring as much about the neighbors as one does their own family. Unfortunately, I realized soon, that she was simply nearing the end stages of dementia and there was little to no opportunity to establish a relationship with her.
As she died, my cousin called me apparently with the thought that grandma was holding on because she wanted to ask my forgiveness. I was the only one who had not visited. I haven't shared that my pregnancy as a freshman in college added even more humiliation to the family's name and not only was this my final outcast, but each and every member of the family had kind words for me upon my departure. It is apparently quite easy to speak so cruel to someone you had never looked upon as anymore human than a filthy animal. I suppose this is also how one so easily forgets the horrible things they've said and can maintain their pride.
I did visit grandma at my cousin's request and I am not sure that she was even aware of my presence. While there however, I spent several hours playing cards with my cousins and was reminded of the fun we had in our youth. My cousin also shared the newly revealed family secrets with me, in strict privacy. She was shocked that my father hadn't told me and swore me to silence because it was specifically said, by my aunts and uncles, not to tell "Penny and Megan because they won't understand and will judge grandma harshly." Apparently, my grandmother spilled her guilt's on her death bed and unfortunately, my Dad was the bulk of her life's heartbreak, but not for the reasons you would imagine.
As a teenager in high-school, a cheerleader from a well-to-do family, my grandmother had relationships with the quarterback of the football team, and became pregnant. She carried this baby and gave it up for adoption, a daughter. Immediately, I identified with her. Not with the adoption, but with the circumstances of having stumbled and having to face daily the consequences of those mistakes that are blatant for everyone to see and judge. I simply couldn't imagine the depth of her pain and how this affected her as a mother, a grandmother, a woman.
Then I imagined how painful it must have been to see her son stumble into the same circumstances, yet face his situation boldly through entering marriage and the military. Unfortunately however, because of their divorce and the lifestyle my mother lived, time didn't hide the secret and we continued to shame her. Then I as well, had a child out of wedlock and again, chose to raise my daughter as a single mother. Not only did the shame continue through generation after generation, but her arms had to ache for the daughter she had let go. She must have secretly imagined how her life might have been different if she could have broken free of the expectations of her neighbor's and just simply lived her life, as Dad or I had chose to do, with our babies cradled in our arms.
This wasn't even the tip of the secret life my grandmother stored away. My grandfather's father apparently was a "lady's man," and had many, many relationships outside of his marriage. He apparently was a regular at a local dance club and had many admirers. One particular relationship apparently provided him with another long line of children and at some point later, he had relationships with a woman younger than his youngest child and she too became pregnant. The story as it was told to me was that my great-grandfather promised my grandfather the family business if he would marry this woman and claim the child as his own. My grandfather agreed, but apparently his father never came through with his promise and my grandfather divorced this woman a few years later. However, he was then obligated to pay child support, which he was exceptionally bitter about, neglected and was sued for, bringing greater shame to my grandmother. The brother my father thought he had gained ten years earlier, had now become his uncle. Another identity crisis.
At some point during my grandfather's military travels he also fathered a child between two of my father's oldest siblings. It is no wonder my grandmother was so concerned about the thoughts of her neighbors! She was consumed by infidelity and guilt, clearly expending a great deal of energy holding up her false face! She shared on her death bed, that she felt my father and his birth defects, were God's punishments for her sins. Can you imagine?
Can you imagine the heartbreak my grandmother lived in her lifetime? Can you imagine the heartbreak my father lived in his? Did he hope his mother would share on her death bed how much pride she had in him and how much she loved him in spite of the world's judgment only instead to hear that his mother thought he was a punishment for her sins and the sins of his father? I felt nothing but sorrow for my grandmother and particularly my father. This was the first time I had seen her as a woman...a fallen woman. I felt such pity.
Of course, there are stories shared about another family member, a cousin that shot his mother at the dinner table and apparently this was the first murder in Frankfort, Indiana with newspaper postings still in the library. There are stories of even more children, both fathered by my grandfather and my great-grandfather. I remember names being shared and even street names of where these families live. However, I have also been told that my father's new found brother visited the family every-other weekend and Dad's older siblings were well aware of him, and that there was no secret. I had no idea and my Dad claims no awareness, but he was the youngest and with little discussion, could genuinely have been oblivious. Forty years does dampen your memory some.
I have really created an enormous diversion from my "to do" list in this post, but the original point I was led to share was that at my grandmother's funeral her eulogy was provided by a minister that was unfamiliar with her. He was the minister of my uncle, I believe. However, he was provided her bible and was able to read notes she had tucked within it and the scriptures which she had underlined. From these readings and speaking to others, he shared that my grandmother's legacy was her love for children. He shared that my grandmother was a Christian with strong-faith and her greatest desire in life was to led children to the Lord. He shared that she was a volunteer in vacation bible school and was active in children's ministries of many other sorts. I was a bit flabbergasted.
I began looking around the room, which I must add was absolutely full of people. Many county leaders, fireman, policemen and professionals attended her funeral, and I was told even the mayor was present. She would have been proud. I apparently lived in another reality that my grandmother's. Never once did I hear her speak of Christ. Never did I ever hear her speak of God. I wasn't granted mercy or grace or compassion or forgiveness. I didn't even know she had a passion for children. I hadn't any impression what-so-ever that she appreciated children as a blessing from our Lord. I couldn't even tell you what church she went to or what denomination she practiced.
She may have fooled the masses, but she neglected the needy. She didn't care for the least of these or maybe if this was her secret heart's desire, my own grandmother's identity, it is so utterly sad that she hide this from us behind a wall of shame. It is my greatest hope that grandmother is in heaven now, cradled in the arms of Christ. What complete peace she must have to release such an enormous amount of grief and agony. It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how Christ took on this for us. The physical pain of the cross, doesn't move me nearly as much as his awareness that not only would he accept and feel the guilt and pride of my grandmother, my grandfather, but also my mother and father, and myself...and each one of us. I simply can't imagine.
My grandmother approached life with more pride and timidity than anyone I had ever known. Her infidelity isn't her greatest shame, but I think instead, it was her pride. I find great strength in confession and forgiveness and mercy and grace. Thank-you Lord for choosing me, for giving me faith, and for forgiving me. My prayer is that pride doesn't crumble my family and that we can love each other genuinely, as you have loved us.
SB86 Web Cam
I warned ya! I can't keep ya up-to-date. My dues aren't worth the check they are printed on apparently. Here is information forwarded to me from various sources, so the validity of them is not guaranteed and really, there is little useful information here other than seeing progress.
The Senate Bill was heard yesterday, and again this morning in the House. I hear rumor that there have been some hiccups by the opposition, although I haven't any idea how that might have occurred, as I previously shared that I understood there to be no more room for testimony or argument outside of utilizing your own representatives. I have recently been directed to a live web cam of the House and Senate though, so if ever I do hear of a meeting prior to it ending, we can all watch it from the comfort of our own home. This is a really fabulous opportunity.
The Senate Bill was heard yesterday, and again this morning in the House. I hear rumor that there have been some hiccups by the opposition, although I haven't any idea how that might have occurred, as I previously shared that I understood there to be no more room for testimony or argument outside of utilizing your own representatives. I have recently been directed to a live web cam of the House and Senate though, so if ever I do hear of a meeting prior to it ending, we can all watch it from the comfort of our own home. This is a really fabulous opportunity.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Monday's Menu
Breakfasts
- Amish Bread
- Blueberry Waffles
- Cinnamon Waffles
- Oatmeal
- Banana Nut Cherrios
- Toast and Yogurt
Lunches:
Love these kid-friendly lunch ideas! I just purchased one of the cute lunch containers. I am hoping this might help the kids enjoy foods from all food groups.
- Blueberry cream cheese with strawberry sandwich
- Laughing cow cheese spread, with ham and carrot sandwich
- Whipped cream cheese and blueberry sandwiches with pineapples
- Garlic Chicken with Orzo (use chicken broth rather than water)
- Baked Macaroni & Cheese with left over ham from Easter
- Apple butter and sliced apple sandwiches with cucumber sticks
Dinners:
- Cheesy Rigatoni Bake
- Lasagna
- Pork Roast
- Left-overs
- Country Style Fried Pototoes and Eggs
- Homemade Pizza
SB86 Up-dates
The more I learn about the process of a bill becoming law, the more confused I become, so although I am attempting to keep you up-dated on the progress of SB86, please know that I am not an expert.
You can read my original post about SB86 here. I later shared a bit about the bills read immediately prior to SB86, on April 1st in the House Health Committee, and the irony between the two. If you'd like, you can read about that here. I've written a bit about independent midwifery and birth and the constitution, if you are so inclined.
My understanding is that SB86 has had a hearing in the Senate Health Committee and House Health Committee, where it passed. I am confused here, as this seems backwards. However, the next step as I understand it, is the bill must have a second reading in the House. During the committee hearing in which I attended, several representatives shared prior to their vote (on another bill) that they would have additional questions that would likely change their vote on the "second hearing." However, I am told that this second reading is more of a formality and there is no discussion or vote. Potentially, this reading has already occurred, but of course, our local ACNM chapter hasn't notified its members of any such occurrence.
The third reading in the House, known as the "Hearing in the Full House," would be the next step. This reading extends beyond the committee members and to each representative, which is why your voice is of most importance now. This meeting should occur this next week, but again, don't stay tuned here, because my professional organization seems to be the last one in the loop.
It is my understanding that from this point forward, no more testimony will be heard, for or against the bill, but rather your voice would be heard directly by your own representatives. They will then argue the points among themselves and determine its final fate. If the bill passes the House, it then moves into caucus where any final concerns are addressed. Then off to the Full Senate Hearing.
Again, no expert testimony of any kind, so your voice is greatest heard by your Senator, which Indiana has 50 of, and each constituent is represented by one. After passing the Senate, it moves on to the Governor to be signed into law, effective July 1st, 2009. If this bill passes, Indiana would be one of 27 states with licensure for direct entry midwives. Stay tuned...although my chapter dues won't keep us up to date! A better source might be the blog of an Indiana Midwives Association member, or even an American College of Obstetrics member.
You can read my original post about SB86 here. I later shared a bit about the bills read immediately prior to SB86, on April 1st in the House Health Committee, and the irony between the two. If you'd like, you can read about that here. I've written a bit about independent midwifery and birth and the constitution, if you are so inclined.
My understanding is that SB86 has had a hearing in the Senate Health Committee and House Health Committee, where it passed. I am confused here, as this seems backwards. However, the next step as I understand it, is the bill must have a second reading in the House. During the committee hearing in which I attended, several representatives shared prior to their vote (on another bill) that they would have additional questions that would likely change their vote on the "second hearing." However, I am told that this second reading is more of a formality and there is no discussion or vote. Potentially, this reading has already occurred, but of course, our local ACNM chapter hasn't notified its members of any such occurrence.
The third reading in the House, known as the "Hearing in the Full House," would be the next step. This reading extends beyond the committee members and to each representative, which is why your voice is of most importance now. This meeting should occur this next week, but again, don't stay tuned here, because my professional organization seems to be the last one in the loop.
It is my understanding that from this point forward, no more testimony will be heard, for or against the bill, but rather your voice would be heard directly by your own representatives. They will then argue the points among themselves and determine its final fate. If the bill passes the House, it then moves into caucus where any final concerns are addressed. Then off to the Full Senate Hearing.
Again, no expert testimony of any kind, so your voice is greatest heard by your Senator, which Indiana has 50 of, and each constituent is represented by one. After passing the Senate, it moves on to the Governor to be signed into law, effective July 1st, 2009. If this bill passes, Indiana would be one of 27 states with licensure for direct entry midwives. Stay tuned...although my chapter dues won't keep us up to date! A better source might be the blog of an Indiana Midwives Association member, or even an American College of Obstetrics member.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wellness Update...
I just weighed myself and in hopes that humiliation will motivate me; I weigh 209 pounds. That is the biggest I have ever been and I still have ten weeks to go. No one would believe that my initial major at Purdue University was excercise science, with a minor in dance. I had hopes of owning my own gym and becoming a personal trainer. I can admit, I was addicted to working out. I didn't have a warped body image. I just really enjoyed being fit. While pregnant with Keely, and still active in the program, I ran everyday (although never enjoyed this), could do 60 push-ups in a minute, as well as 60 sit-ups in a minute (yes, at five months of pregnancy). I spent everyday at the gym, primarily in dance classes, and tested and earned my yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do. As I've shared before, my horrible hospital experience during her birth and early days, led me into nursing and I soon lost direction with regards to wellness.
I've come full circle now in that I feel like a complete hypocrite teaching about nutrition and exercise to my clients and knowing full well that my BMI reads "heart attack" all over it. I don't like to shop for clothes because my mind still can't accept that I am this big. I don't feel professional. More than all of that, I want to be fit and I remember very well how joyful it felt to have a nice belly burn after an awesome workout.
I have shared a few intentions on my blog that I hoped to implement in effort to become more fit and create lifestyle changes. We have done some of those things... many of them. One I haven't done completely, is commit to a daily walk. We are out more often, either on the bike or walking, but I am far from accomplishing this daily. Noah and I did however, take a nice walk tonight (and found his bike at the library while out!). When I returned I found a Reader's Digest Walk Off Weight booklet staring at me.
New Commitments:
I've come full circle now in that I feel like a complete hypocrite teaching about nutrition and exercise to my clients and knowing full well that my BMI reads "heart attack" all over it. I don't like to shop for clothes because my mind still can't accept that I am this big. I don't feel professional. More than all of that, I want to be fit and I remember very well how joyful it felt to have a nice belly burn after an awesome workout.
I have shared a few intentions on my blog that I hoped to implement in effort to become more fit and create lifestyle changes. We have done some of those things... many of them. One I haven't done completely, is commit to a daily walk. We are out more often, either on the bike or walking, but I am far from accomplishing this daily. Noah and I did however, take a nice walk tonight (and found his bike at the library while out!). When I returned I found a Reader's Digest Walk Off Weight booklet staring at me.
New Commitments:
- Share this plan with my husband, so he can assist in decreasing temptations.
- Weigh myself daily.
- Blog about my progress daily...weights, diet and exercise.
- Eat 4g of fiber in every meal or snack.
- Find my pedometer and double my average steps within two weeks.
- Sleep 7 hours a night.
- Drink 8 glasses of water per day.
- Commit to working no more than 9-hours a day, including lunch.
- Assess if we have any refined sugars sneaking in our diets (currently eating whole grains, brown rice and whole wheat pasta).
- Reintroduce exercise to the kid's school program.
- Research becoming a certified pregnancy exercise trainer.
- Eat three meals and four snacks per day.
- Do these exercises daily... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as2_GFacHKg
Samuel Hunny...
Samuel has been sick all week. He started vomiting Monday and had horrible diarrhea at the same time. I think he was more upset by the diarrhea than anything. I expected a good 24 hour bug and canceled my final prenatals on Monday. Tuesday, assuming he was cured, we welcomed a new interviewing couple through the front door, and at the exact same moment Samuel vomited all over the dining room floor. Assuming, this would then conclude in 48 hours, we continued our activities on Wednesday, but unfortunately, the vomiting continued and more prenatals were canceled. I think everything we own has been targeted. Those kind of weeks really tire you out.
The reason I share this is because during his awful week, Samuel has learned to tell us, "Me puke." "Samuel belly burn." "Me belly hurt." He has done amazingly well in giving us warnings for his age. He is so cute when he's sick. He simply hasn't the energy to be onery. He just wants to be held.
Samuel is Boah's hunny and Mommy's hunny and Keely's hunny and Daddy's hunny. He has talked all week, since he can't really run and destroy things. He told me today he was leaving and going to town to get something to eat. I told him bye and then he came back and asked if I wanted a "hogdog." I said, "Yes, please, with ketchup." He left again, but returned, I thought to ask me if I wanted ice cream and that he needed "money" from my "purse." I said, "Yes," and gave him a penny. Then I heard the door beep. He left. We ran after him and he said he was going to the "IGA." I apparently told him he could, because I thought he was saying "ice cream." I have never heard him say "IGA" before.
Time flies so fast. He also said this week, after trying to climb on top of the stairway's banister, "Samuel bird!"
The reason I share this is because during his awful week, Samuel has learned to tell us, "Me puke." "Samuel belly burn." "Me belly hurt." He has done amazingly well in giving us warnings for his age. He is so cute when he's sick. He simply hasn't the energy to be onery. He just wants to be held.
Samuel is Boah's hunny and Mommy's hunny and Keely's hunny and Daddy's hunny. He has talked all week, since he can't really run and destroy things. He told me today he was leaving and going to town to get something to eat. I told him bye and then he came back and asked if I wanted a "hogdog." I said, "Yes, please, with ketchup." He left again, but returned, I thought to ask me if I wanted ice cream and that he needed "money" from my "purse." I said, "Yes," and gave him a penny. Then I heard the door beep. He left. We ran after him and he said he was going to the "IGA." I apparently told him he could, because I thought he was saying "ice cream." I have never heard him say "IGA" before.
Time flies so fast. He also said this week, after trying to climb on top of the stairway's banister, "Samuel bird!"
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Survived
Well, I've survived a five mile bike ride this week and a professional photo shoot...at least until I see them in print. I can pull of an acceptable smile most of the time, but when the camera comes out...fear hits me and my lips lock shut.
He started with pictures at my desk, with the baby's footprints behind me. Then took some of Noah and I on the swing. He is so cute. Then we took some up-stairs with Samuel on my lap. He has been sick for a few days, vomiting and diarrhea, but today he woke up with a rash across his chest, which very likely is related to the fever he seems to have all night. He just curled up on me and watched the camera man. Then we went to the living room to take the final snapshots, of me exploring a photo album.
Cross your fingers...grateful that is over. I am looking forward to the banquet in two weeks, although now I can really fret over how I am going to give any justice to those that took the time to nominate me for this honor. It is often so much easier to just perform in the moment, then it is to take the time to encourage and thank someone that you feel is deserving. I have amazing people surrounding me and I simply can't imagine how I am going to share that with a room full of people in less than five minutes...and without becoming a blubbering idiot. I am really not attractive when I cry.
He started with pictures at my desk, with the baby's footprints behind me. Then took some of Noah and I on the swing. He is so cute. Then we took some up-stairs with Samuel on my lap. He has been sick for a few days, vomiting and diarrhea, but today he woke up with a rash across his chest, which very likely is related to the fever he seems to have all night. He just curled up on me and watched the camera man. Then we went to the living room to take the final snapshots, of me exploring a photo album.
Cross your fingers...grateful that is over. I am looking forward to the banquet in two weeks, although now I can really fret over how I am going to give any justice to those that took the time to nominate me for this honor. It is often so much easier to just perform in the moment, then it is to take the time to encourage and thank someone that you feel is deserving. I have amazing people surrounding me and I simply can't imagine how I am going to share that with a room full of people in less than five minutes...and without becoming a blubbering idiot. I am really not attractive when I cry.
Photo Shoot
You may have noticed that there are little to no pictures of me on my blog or anywhere else that I visit on-line. I lack any photogenic quality what-so-ever. I have many friends, even my daughter, that can whip out an amazing smile and hold it for the camera each and every time. Unfortunately, it seems my ugly step-sister jumps out in all of my pictures. (I don't really have a step-sister...that I know of...so no one take offense.)
However, today, anytime... a photographer from the Indianapolis Star is going to drop by and get some shots of me in all my pregnancy glory. I warned him that he'll earn his money today and he seemed completely unchallenged. I am not just sharing the whinings of an insecure mother of five, but have genuinely challenged...frustrated...photographers in the past. My high school pictures, particularly the action shots, are atrocious!
The great misfortune in all of this is that I have had a few clients and co-workers nominate me for Nurse of the Year and the State Board of Nursing has apparently chosen me as a finalist. I can't seem to wrap my brain around that, so have dwelled rediculously on this photo shoot, which is incredibly prideful of me.
Please pray for me...and stay tuned.
However, today, anytime... a photographer from the Indianapolis Star is going to drop by and get some shots of me in all my pregnancy glory. I warned him that he'll earn his money today and he seemed completely unchallenged. I am not just sharing the whinings of an insecure mother of five, but have genuinely challenged...frustrated...photographers in the past. My high school pictures, particularly the action shots, are atrocious!
The great misfortune in all of this is that I have had a few clients and co-workers nominate me for Nurse of the Year and the State Board of Nursing has apparently chosen me as a finalist. I can't seem to wrap my brain around that, so have dwelled rediculously on this photo shoot, which is incredibly prideful of me.
Please pray for me...and stay tuned.
Senate Bill 96
Working through a HUGE pile of "to dos" and had to share the rest of my notes from the DEM bill meeting.
Although SB86 was scheduled to be heard first, the required signatures on the amendment were not present, so it was pushed aside behind two other bill hearings. The first one was regarding licensing addiction counselors. The amendment to this bill was specific to educational levels, more specifically to who can make an independent assessment and who can not. The amendment required a BA to practice in any capacity and a MA for assessments, so those working without a MA would require a collaboration with a higher level addiction counselor.
I found this rather ironic. Ministers, lay counselors, certified counselors have predominately managed counseling those who suffer with addiction. This is an important field, but one predominately circumferencing a supportive role. If a client has a medical need, even suicidal or self-inflicting danger, that care would fall outside the counselor's scope. However, we have determined the addiction counselor a profession with enough responsibility to require a graduate level education.
Many counselors for thirty-plus years testified that they have been in independent practice, work for attorneys on emergency over-night cases, and even work for the government with the VA program, and if this amendment is passed, they would have to locate a collaborator, less experienced, at a great inconvenience, and pay for that service to accomplish their job. The bill passed.
Yet, we are pushing through a bill that supports a high school graduate attending births, caring for women and babies as a primary health care provider, who has no academic training in head-t0-toe assessment? Quite ironic.
The second bill was whether the house would support research to determine if a paramedic, who gives medications routinely on the field and within the emergency room, should be licensed. This was passed, but again I was reminded, an unlicensed paramedic can administer in the field a life-saving stabilizing medication, but a graduate trained Certified Nurse Midwife who has been educated in independent prescription practices as no authority what-so-ever? Odd.
Clearly, I must live in another reality, because I don't see the logic in any of this.
Although SB86 was scheduled to be heard first, the required signatures on the amendment were not present, so it was pushed aside behind two other bill hearings. The first one was regarding licensing addiction counselors. The amendment to this bill was specific to educational levels, more specifically to who can make an independent assessment and who can not. The amendment required a BA to practice in any capacity and a MA for assessments, so those working without a MA would require a collaboration with a higher level addiction counselor.
I found this rather ironic. Ministers, lay counselors, certified counselors have predominately managed counseling those who suffer with addiction. This is an important field, but one predominately circumferencing a supportive role. If a client has a medical need, even suicidal or self-inflicting danger, that care would fall outside the counselor's scope. However, we have determined the addiction counselor a profession with enough responsibility to require a graduate level education.
Many counselors for thirty-plus years testified that they have been in independent practice, work for attorneys on emergency over-night cases, and even work for the government with the VA program, and if this amendment is passed, they would have to locate a collaborator, less experienced, at a great inconvenience, and pay for that service to accomplish their job. The bill passed.
Yet, we are pushing through a bill that supports a high school graduate attending births, caring for women and babies as a primary health care provider, who has no academic training in head-t0-toe assessment? Quite ironic.
The second bill was whether the house would support research to determine if a paramedic, who gives medications routinely on the field and within the emergency room, should be licensed. This was passed, but again I was reminded, an unlicensed paramedic can administer in the field a life-saving stabilizing medication, but a graduate trained Certified Nurse Midwife who has been educated in independent prescription practices as no authority what-so-ever? Odd.
Clearly, I must live in another reality, because I don't see the logic in any of this.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Independent Practice of Nurse Midwifery
The American College of Nurse Midwives supports the practice of independent Nurse Midwifery. Ironically, our local ACNM chapter has not. We are under new leadership, so I can't speak to our new position, but in the past our leaders have made clear that they felt CNMs required supervision, "if only from more experienced CNMs."
There are enormous barriers to Nurse Midwifery practice and Indiana specifically, has the fewest practicing Nurse Midwives in the entire nation. Unfortunately our chapter has prioritized the sale of T-shirts and note cards at the annual ACNM conference above any other issue facing the practice of midwifery.
Several years ago, I made numerous attempts to offer my assistance and time to advocacy efforts, educating our medical professionals and community, and protecting Nurse Midwifery through legislative action within the ACNM group, but not once was my offer appreciated. Rather, leadership felt threatened by the passion of a new midwife and took great lengths to pour water on my flame. Unfortunately, the ties of our leadership to national leadership left me with no resources and an unfair, second-hand perception of my motivation.
Most recently, I have again become outspoken about the travesties facing Nurse Midwifery. Although with no bridges to burn, I wasn't as candid as I have been in the past. National leadership has ignored my e-mails and requests for direction entirely, which isn't at all surprising as this has been their overwhelming response to me throughout the last five years. However, my local chapter took my comments to heart, quite personally, and attempted to attack me in return, with each and every CNM in the state witness. I can't speak for the chapter at large, but as my bridges are falling down within the profession, apparently a few have seen the clear logic in my concerns and are grateful someone has spoken truth to the pillars of our profession. I have since had a provider extend collaboration for the prescription needs of my clients and one national leader has made my concerns her top priority. The Lord has shown me mercy.
The complimentary nature of advanced practice nursing to medical care is a foreign concept for some physicians who view all health care as an extension of medical care and APNs as physician extenders. This misunderstanding of APN underlies physician' opposition to independent roles for nurses because they believe APNs want to practice medicine without a license. The fact that nursing has its own knowledge and skills is a novel idea for physicians who see nursing as a subset of medicine.
There are enormous barriers to Nurse Midwifery practice and Indiana specifically, has the fewest practicing Nurse Midwives in the entire nation. Unfortunately our chapter has prioritized the sale of T-shirts and note cards at the annual ACNM conference above any other issue facing the practice of midwifery.
Several years ago, I made numerous attempts to offer my assistance and time to advocacy efforts, educating our medical professionals and community, and protecting Nurse Midwifery through legislative action within the ACNM group, but not once was my offer appreciated. Rather, leadership felt threatened by the passion of a new midwife and took great lengths to pour water on my flame. Unfortunately, the ties of our leadership to national leadership left me with no resources and an unfair, second-hand perception of my motivation.
Most recently, I have again become outspoken about the travesties facing Nurse Midwifery. Although with no bridges to burn, I wasn't as candid as I have been in the past. National leadership has ignored my e-mails and requests for direction entirely, which isn't at all surprising as this has been their overwhelming response to me throughout the last five years. However, my local chapter took my comments to heart, quite personally, and attempted to attack me in return, with each and every CNM in the state witness. I can't speak for the chapter at large, but as my bridges are falling down within the profession, apparently a few have seen the clear logic in my concerns and are grateful someone has spoken truth to the pillars of our profession. I have since had a provider extend collaboration for the prescription needs of my clients and one national leader has made my concerns her top priority. The Lord has shown me mercy.
The complimentary nature of advanced practice nursing to medical care is a foreign concept for some physicians who view all health care as an extension of medical care and APNs as physician extenders. This misunderstanding of APN underlies physician' opposition to independent roles for nurses because they believe APNs want to practice medicine without a license. The fact that nursing has its own knowledge and skills is a novel idea for physicians who see nursing as a subset of medicine.
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