Faith

Clearly we have all been given different spiritual gifts or various doses of those gifts. I am very grateful that it seems my greatest spiritual gift is Faith. Unfortunately, the consequence of this gift seems to be significant trials, persecution, judgment and loneliness (worldly).

As a new Christian many years ago, I caught myself in the middle of a praise and worship prayer confessing that nothing would rock my faith. Immediately I realized I had just put a target on my children because if I ever lost a child or my husband, I just may falter. I have since prayed faithfully that the Lord would continue to deepen my faith and guard me from Satan's trials (as well as my own pride). My faith has survived the death of my son and the Lord was and is glorified.

I have been reading a bit today about trusting God in labor. As each of us know, faith and belief are not at all the same idea. Most everyone believes in God, but a much smaller number have a heart of genuine faith. We also know that works do not bring salvation, but the result of your faith brings works. In my lifetime, I have become close with many that have been given the gift of service or giving. I have had a bit of envy of these women, as these are gifts everyone sees the fruit of; where a gift of faith is more personal and often private. Unfortunately, I have been victim to many volunteers in the church that judge my relationship with God as weak because I don't volunteer to organize VBS or lead a Sunday school group. I have been told that I need to plan my vacations from work better so I can participate in these sorts of activities.

Clearly, my own ministry is not one that all Christians view as fruit for the Lord. It sounds so foreign to me to discuss my profession, my passion, my calling with my Christian sisters and brothers and for them to giggle, belittle or cast off my calling as a real oddity. Do they not see this as a matter of faith? Have they forgotten to look at the WWJD bracelet when it comes to matters of pregnancy, birth and mothering? I am a bit over-whelmed at how easily the idol of technology, convenience and comfort has snuck into our lives without any conviction what-so-ever. I remember clearly, as a baby Christian, hearing the woman I had looked up to as "the perfect Christian Shepard" laugh when she heard I was a midwife and exclaim, "Ha! I don't think any woman should ever feel the pain of labor. Give me an epidural right away!" My heart cried out, but you are missing the Lord!!! To be carried through birth on the wings of the Lord is much greater than the ride of any epidural man's science can offer and I genuinely thought, this great Titus 2 woman would recognize that immediately. This was when I became aware of just how sneaky cultural traditions can shade our Godly vision.

It is rather peculiar too that a deepened faith is an attribute common to Christian prayer, yet when faith is demonstrated in the life of another, it is often viewed not as one of obedience but instead as recklessness. However, if our step in faith is truly in obedience of the Lord's will, the world will not understand it and will mock us.

This post hasn't followed at all the process my mind had when I first began typing, but I close on the great oxymoron of my life's calling. I am a homebirth midwife and a law student with a mission for creating change in our culture. My vision is for Christian families to depend on the Lord during their pregnancy and birth, while having awareness of how the journey of pregnancy through mothering can allow for tremendous molding by the Potter's hands. I also am grateful for the opportunity to witness and share with the unsaved all the many miracles our Creator has to offer during their experience. I am an enormous advocate in all aspects of my profession working for political and legislative change, education, support and so forth. However, I don't have vision for midwifery to be accepted on a grander scale than it is today. I believe because we are to a large extent, proponents of His created purpose, the world will continue to persecute our work as Christ was for His own evangelism. We are attempting to give pearls to pigs. Yet, the blessing of catching just one child of God's or witnessing the transformation of the lost to someone that genuinely feels the arms of Christ wrapped around them in labor is beyond words. I am daily putting energy into work that I believe God is asking of me, but I don't necessarily believe will give the results the world would judge as successful. I suppose this is living in faith.