My mother has the eyes of a bitter woman, as well as the deep lines on her face. Misery even exudes in the tone of her voice. Her bitterness is easily recognized. It is deep and pervades her soul.
While I don't identify in the same way as my mother, or even others I have become familiar, I do feel I have allowed a bit of bitterness to grow towards certain people. Naomi was bitter in the Old Testament after the death of her husband and sons. Jonah too, was a bitter man. Is it possible to be kind, compassionate, tender-hearted and yet bitter at the same time?
I've struggled with recognizing my bitterness because I do feel as if I am a forgiving person. I am empathetic and seem to have an ironic understanding and compassion for others point of view, even when their action is strikingly different than my own. I am learning that to understand bitterness, one must appreciate that guilt is what we feel when we sin, and bitterness is the feeling we have when others sin against us. The very definition of bitterness points to the action of another. If we had committed the offense, we would feel guilty and would know that we had to confess and forsake our sin. Because we don't confess the sin others commit against us, how do we release our bitterness?
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:15)
Here bitterness is described as a root, something underground that cannot be seen. However, it grows up and there is evidence of its presence, like a broken sidewalk. What happens if bitterness grows and a person keeps it locked inside for years and years? Physical illness? God's solution is to dig up the root. Get rid of it. But this requires the grace of God.
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (James 3:14-15)
Bitterness accumulates. I can certainly attest to that. My first dose of bitterness, which I still hold on to, is my high school band teach, Mr. Blessing. He was cruel to me, very cruel. I can't even look at him today as an adult. Later, it was the area midwives, that abandoned me and my son, then turned their back on me, and the midwives and medical professionals around the country that judged me without any truth. Then my mother and sister and father, even my husband, and more recently, I became bitter towards my clientele. My bitterness accumulated.
Bitterness remembers details. It remembers every single word, intonation and the inflection of every part of speech. It remembers every action. A part of me pleas in defense, as I have a remarkable memory. I can remember being a toddler, even potty-training. My son, Noah, is very similar. However, with conviction, I realize that memory is helped by review, review, review and more review. My memory of such events is enhanced because I mull over such events.
I suspect many divorces occur because one or the other mulled over negative events, to the point that they can't remember the joy. They simply concentrate on how right they are and how wrong the other person was. What a tragedy.
The irony to this is that again, I feel my mother is among the most bitter people I know, yet she has no memory of her childhood. She loathes her mother, yet remembers little to nothing about growing up. She loathes me, yet remembers little about my own childhood. Maybe it isn't bitterness, but guilt?
To rid yourself of bitterness - rid myself of bitterness - I must recognize it is my problem and confess and forsake it. There is a close relationship between being hurt and being resentful. Resentment turns into bitterness. There is also a link between bitterness and hatred, and a very clear biblical identification between hatred and murder. I once heard a Bible study explain that if you hate someone, you have murdered them in your heart.
