There have been far too many times in my life when I've succumbed to the pitiful, self-loathing thoughts Satan so easily traps us within, and while I am better about catching myself in this downward spiral as I grow older and wiser, I am in no way immune. There are days when I feel the isolation rejection brings and fear I am being mocked, ostracized or even pursued.
Interestingly, when I read about Christ this evening, allowing the basic truths to sink in once again... He was born into a poor family. He was born in a cave or stable in an out-of-the-way village. The town he grew up in had the reputation that "nothing good could ever come from there." He spoke Aramaic. He is never said to have written anything except with his finger in the sand. He owned nothing of value. He intentionally took the role of a servant. He touched lepers. He healed the blind. His behavior was consistent with his teaching. He himself became despised by many of his own people. His closest friends deserted him when his hour had come to die. He submitted to a scurrilous trial with false charges. His end was terrible. He was spat upon. His wrists were in chains. His head was crowned with thorns...
Every other time I think I've read about his head being crowned with thorns, I read that with compassion and love and gratitude. I am not sure I've ever thought about the thorn itself. We live in Thorntown, named for its incredible and I mean, incredibly dangerous thorn trees. As I understand, most were cut down because they were harming the children within the community. My own son, Noah, was riding his bicycle last summer and fell into a thorn tree, driving a long, thick thorn into his side. It was significant enough that I had to numb him and use a scalpel to remove it. I can't imagine thorns such as these wrapped around the crown of Christ. It is not simply symbolic jewelry, but further belittling and spatting of hate.
I identified with Christ being born poor, and from a land of no hope, being rejected and despised. I even identified with his being a servant and befriending anyone and everyone the community otherwise rejected. I am encouraged with this understanding and reminded that my Lord was separated, misunderstood, pursued, spat upon, and His head was crowned in thorns. I find it interesting that if my story is told, that I too, have many similarities and landed in a town of thorns. Certainly don't misunderstand me. I am not in anyway meaning to compare myself to the glory of Christ, but rather finding encouragement in His having been fully human and having completely suffered.
I am not alone. I am loved. I too shall pray for those who torment me, that they might also be forgiven. They know not what they do. I will also be reminded that I must demand that Satan leave me be. He has no authority in my life. I am protected by The God.
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Thinking as a Scholar
During orientation for the doctoral program, I remember vividly Dr. Osborne talking about how doctoral work will change our way of thinking and in some ways, this will be very isolating. Scholars like to think, which I am learning is not an attribute that is common to everyone. Completing my doctorate, while it had its challenges, was genuinely one of my favored life accomplishments.
As I now study theology, I am again reminded of the importance of using language critically. We must think about what we really mean when we talk about God. Is it really quite as simple as this? The Bible talks about God as almighty. Is that the same as saying God can do anything? The scholar then asks, can God make a triangle with four sides? Can God make a rock which is too heavy for God to lift?
A scholar might state, "To say that God is almighty means that God can do anything that does not involve logical contradiction." Another route might be, "It is not that God could not do such things, but that those things simply can't be done."
Theology is about more than logical riddles though. The real issue of concern is the divine nature itself. Here's another thought to stew on "Can God force someone who loves him to hate him?" Noah and I talked about this some, and whether free will exists or if we are set on a specific course. Ultimately we have to trust that God will uphold His promises, which is faith that he allows us free will. We also have to ask what is the character of God.
Then we might ask ourselves, "Does God break promises?" There is no logical contradiction here. Promises can be broken. If God can do anything that does not involve logical contradiction, then He can certainly break a promise. Yet, Christians know this is outrageous. Humans may fail; God remains faithful.
Here is the insight - Christians know God can do anything, but we also know He chose to redeem us. God is symbolized, not by a sword or the chariot, symbols of military and political power, but by a cross, a symbol of shame, defeat and powerlessness. God is limited by His own divinity. Omnipotence should be understood within the context of God's character. We therefore, must consider God in His terms, not in human terms.
As I now study theology, I am again reminded of the importance of using language critically. We must think about what we really mean when we talk about God. Is it really quite as simple as this? The Bible talks about God as almighty. Is that the same as saying God can do anything? The scholar then asks, can God make a triangle with four sides? Can God make a rock which is too heavy for God to lift?
A scholar might state, "To say that God is almighty means that God can do anything that does not involve logical contradiction." Another route might be, "It is not that God could not do such things, but that those things simply can't be done."
Theology is about more than logical riddles though. The real issue of concern is the divine nature itself. Here's another thought to stew on "Can God force someone who loves him to hate him?" Noah and I talked about this some, and whether free will exists or if we are set on a specific course. Ultimately we have to trust that God will uphold His promises, which is faith that he allows us free will. We also have to ask what is the character of God.
Then we might ask ourselves, "Does God break promises?" There is no logical contradiction here. Promises can be broken. If God can do anything that does not involve logical contradiction, then He can certainly break a promise. Yet, Christians know this is outrageous. Humans may fail; God remains faithful.
Here is the insight - Christians know God can do anything, but we also know He chose to redeem us. God is symbolized, not by a sword or the chariot, symbols of military and political power, but by a cross, a symbol of shame, defeat and powerlessness. God is limited by His own divinity. Omnipotence should be understood within the context of God's character. We therefore, must consider God in His terms, not in human terms.
Beyond Reason, but Not Contrary to Reason
I believe in God.
What does this mean? What are we to understand by words such as "belief" and "faith"?
Can God's existance be proven? McGrath argues in his 2012 book that the existence of God is something that reason cannot prove conclusively. "Yet the fact that the existence of God lies beyond reason does not for one moment mean that the existence of God is contrary to reason," (McGrath, 2012, p 3). While we can offer excellent argument for the existance of God, these are not proofs in the sense of rigorous logical demonstratiion or conclusive scientific experiments. Faith is about trust in God, rather than just agreeing that God exists.
Becoming familiar with historical theologians is one of the greatest tasks in front of me, as I am quite unfamiliar with this discipline. Thomas Aquinas is told to be the most famous and influential theologian of the Middle Ages. He was born in Italy and taught at the universities. His fame rests primarily on his writing, Summa Theologiae which was his last, although unfinished, piece of work. He provided "Five Ways" that argued for design and of a creator. He felt that the existence of our universe is something that requires explanation, as it shows evidence of intellectual design.
William Paley (1743-1805) was a theologian who further developed Aquinas argument, stating that the world is like a watch. The world shows evidence of creative design and purpose, so a watchmaker must therefore exist. Paley was also very impressed with the complexity of the human eye, and was confident this was sufficient argument for the presence of a creator. I was equally intrigued and convinced during my studies of human lactation and human milk composition - brilliant design.
Charles Darwin (1809-82) eroded much of these theories, arguing that a natural explanation exists, eliminating the need for an intelligent designer. People were intrigued.
Proofs
Philosopher Blaise Pascal (1623-62) argued that Aquinas approach was a bit of a stretch, at least with regards of claiming proof of a creator. "The metaphysical proofs for the existence of God are so remote from human reasoning, and so complex, that they have little impact." Pascal reasoned that the appeal of God to the human condition went far beyond any resonance between the world as we know it and the ideas of Chistian faith. It extends to include a deep-seated longing fo God.
"In the end, according to Pascal, you cannot argue someone into the Kingdom of God. The existence of God is not something that can be proved. Equally, it is not something that can be disproved. It is easy to overlook the fact that atheism is also a faith. An atheist believes that there is no God. This belief, however, is just as difficult to prove as the Christian belief that there is indeed a God.
One of the most severe and perceptive critics for the rational proofs for God's existene is philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951). His point was simply, the so-called "proofs of God's existence" ae generally from those people who already elieve in God and are seeking to justify their faith with a reasoned defense.
I am now in search of John Paul II's 1998 encyclical letter, Fides et Ratio ("Faith and Reason"). He is said to have set out the classic Christian approach to the relation of faith and reason in a very accessible way.
Faith is not blind trust, opposed to the evidence of the world. While Christians can not claim proofs, we do have confirmation of the existence of God. Our world is full of hints of God, His signature, and this corroborates with what we know to be true in our hearts.
Faith seeks understanding. It is maybe a motivated belief, based on evidence. It is a reflection on the clues within the world. A final thought, faith is largely considered in terms of intellectual assent. However, might we consider that faith could be defined as "assent to divine revelation" (McGarth, 2012, p 9). Faith is about more than believing God exists, but also about trusting God.
His Promises
Faith is about trusting the Lord's promises. It isn't simply historical understanding or rationalizing the evidence, but is a personal reference. Faith unites the believer to God, and is concerned with His promises. One must appreciate that sinners can trust the historical details of the gospels, but these facts are capable of creating a trusting relationship for them. Saving faith is about believing these truths were for each of us personally, and was accomplished for our salvation.
This is intriguing to me because those who are unable to forgive themselves would be at risk of missing out on the saving grace of our Lord. If they believed Christ died for others, but could not accept it for themselves, they would perish. Believing in Christ isn't sufficient. One must believe it for themselves, and develop a relationship. Faith is not simply believing, it is acting on that belief, and to rely upon it (McGrath, 2012).
The Strength of our Faith
This is indifferent to our salvation. Faith is a spiritual gift and some are more endowed than others. The gift of salvation however, is unaffected by its abundance. McGrath (2012) offers this example by Luther, "It is like to people, each of whom owns a hundred gold coin. One may carry them around in a paper sack, the other in an iron chest. But despite these differences, they both own the same treasure. Thus the Christ who you and I own is one and the same irrepsective of the strength or weakness of your faith or mine."
"Encounter with evil is seen as a necessary prerequisite for spiritual growth and development," (McGrath, 2012, p 13).
We are not annimations or automatons, but individuals who are capable of responding freely to God. Unless a real choice is available between good and evil, the biblical injunctions to "choose good" are meaningless. Good and evil are thus necessary presences within the world, in order that informed and meaningful human development may take place.
Admittedly, I did not comprehend what a degree in theology would be about. I assumed it would be more of a biblical truths study, but it is more understanding why we understand, which I also value. It's giving me a foundation I didn't realize I had ignored. This has been an intimidating adventure, with a learning curve steeper than anticipated, but I appreciate the investment and am thrilled to have the opportunity.
What does this mean? What are we to understand by words such as "belief" and "faith"?
Can God's existance be proven? McGrath argues in his 2012 book that the existence of God is something that reason cannot prove conclusively. "Yet the fact that the existence of God lies beyond reason does not for one moment mean that the existence of God is contrary to reason," (McGrath, 2012, p 3). While we can offer excellent argument for the existance of God, these are not proofs in the sense of rigorous logical demonstratiion or conclusive scientific experiments. Faith is about trust in God, rather than just agreeing that God exists.
Becoming familiar with historical theologians is one of the greatest tasks in front of me, as I am quite unfamiliar with this discipline. Thomas Aquinas is told to be the most famous and influential theologian of the Middle Ages. He was born in Italy and taught at the universities. His fame rests primarily on his writing, Summa Theologiae which was his last, although unfinished, piece of work. He provided "Five Ways" that argued for design and of a creator. He felt that the existence of our universe is something that requires explanation, as it shows evidence of intellectual design.
William Paley (1743-1805) was a theologian who further developed Aquinas argument, stating that the world is like a watch. The world shows evidence of creative design and purpose, so a watchmaker must therefore exist. Paley was also very impressed with the complexity of the human eye, and was confident this was sufficient argument for the presence of a creator. I was equally intrigued and convinced during my studies of human lactation and human milk composition - brilliant design.
Charles Darwin (1809-82) eroded much of these theories, arguing that a natural explanation exists, eliminating the need for an intelligent designer. People were intrigued.
Proofs
Philosopher Blaise Pascal (1623-62) argued that Aquinas approach was a bit of a stretch, at least with regards of claiming proof of a creator. "The metaphysical proofs for the existence of God are so remote from human reasoning, and so complex, that they have little impact." Pascal reasoned that the appeal of God to the human condition went far beyond any resonance between the world as we know it and the ideas of Chistian faith. It extends to include a deep-seated longing fo God.
"In the end, according to Pascal, you cannot argue someone into the Kingdom of God. The existence of God is not something that can be proved. Equally, it is not something that can be disproved. It is easy to overlook the fact that atheism is also a faith. An atheist believes that there is no God. This belief, however, is just as difficult to prove as the Christian belief that there is indeed a God.
One of the most severe and perceptive critics for the rational proofs for God's existene is philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951). His point was simply, the so-called "proofs of God's existence" ae generally from those people who already elieve in God and are seeking to justify their faith with a reasoned defense.
A proof of God's existence ought really to be something by means of which one could convince onesel that God exists. But I think that what believers who have furnished such proofs have wanted to do is to give their "belief" an intellectual analysis and foundation, although they themselves would never have come to believe as a result of such proofs.Faith
I am now in search of John Paul II's 1998 encyclical letter, Fides et Ratio ("Faith and Reason"). He is said to have set out the classic Christian approach to the relation of faith and reason in a very accessible way.
Faith is not blind trust, opposed to the evidence of the world. While Christians can not claim proofs, we do have confirmation of the existence of God. Our world is full of hints of God, His signature, and this corroborates with what we know to be true in our hearts.
Faith seeks understanding. It is maybe a motivated belief, based on evidence. It is a reflection on the clues within the world. A final thought, faith is largely considered in terms of intellectual assent. However, might we consider that faith could be defined as "assent to divine revelation" (McGarth, 2012, p 9). Faith is about more than believing God exists, but also about trusting God.
His Promises
Faith is about trusting the Lord's promises. It isn't simply historical understanding or rationalizing the evidence, but is a personal reference. Faith unites the believer to God, and is concerned with His promises. One must appreciate that sinners can trust the historical details of the gospels, but these facts are capable of creating a trusting relationship for them. Saving faith is about believing these truths were for each of us personally, and was accomplished for our salvation.
This is intriguing to me because those who are unable to forgive themselves would be at risk of missing out on the saving grace of our Lord. If they believed Christ died for others, but could not accept it for themselves, they would perish. Believing in Christ isn't sufficient. One must believe it for themselves, and develop a relationship. Faith is not simply believing, it is acting on that belief, and to rely upon it (McGrath, 2012).
The Strength of our Faith
This is indifferent to our salvation. Faith is a spiritual gift and some are more endowed than others. The gift of salvation however, is unaffected by its abundance. McGrath (2012) offers this example by Luther, "It is like to people, each of whom owns a hundred gold coin. One may carry them around in a paper sack, the other in an iron chest. But despite these differences, they both own the same treasure. Thus the Christ who you and I own is one and the same irrepsective of the strength or weakness of your faith or mine."
The foundation of one's faith matters far more than its intensity. (McGrath, 2012, p 11)Faith and Doubt
"Encounter with evil is seen as a necessary prerequisite for spiritual growth and development," (McGrath, 2012, p 13).
We are not annimations or automatons, but individuals who are capable of responding freely to God. Unless a real choice is available between good and evil, the biblical injunctions to "choose good" are meaningless. Good and evil are thus necessary presences within the world, in order that informed and meaningful human development may take place.
Admittedly, I did not comprehend what a degree in theology would be about. I assumed it would be more of a biblical truths study, but it is more understanding why we understand, which I also value. It's giving me a foundation I didn't realize I had ignored. This has been an intimidating adventure, with a learning curve steeper than anticipated, but I appreciate the investment and am thrilled to have the opportunity.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
The Storm
What if the devil looks over our shoulders on all the confessions we've made to hone an all-out assault on our hearts? It is not beyond his deviousness. -Sheila WalshWe know Satan is a liar (John 8:44). We know he prowls like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). What if he creates attacks specific to our weaknesses and vulnerabilities? Satan is not omniscient. He is a created, fallen angel and does not know all things. When we confess our sins out-loud, do we give him the power to master his craft on us? Is this part of the truth in the saying, "You bring about what you speak?"
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:2-4)Our practice has always undergone a spiritual warfare. We have great work to accomplish and our success can only be contributed to the Lord. This past year, we added two new sites and an amazing midwife. We were confident we would endure an attack, yet it seems we can't avoid becoming discouraged. The staff remind each other that when times are tough, there are great things on the horizon and Satan is getting nervous. The Lord has never failed us before, and ultimately, this is His practice. He can build it up, or tear it down. What we also need to remember is that our God, is a God of order. He is the one who brings order from chaos. No matter how out of control our storm may feel right now, He is in control. This warfare is also evidence that we are in the will of God. A lack of persecution should make us nervous!
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteousness, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18-19)I think the greatest lie Satan speaks to me is that no one likes me, or that I am all alone, or not good enough. When I really evaluate the struggles I endure, the ones that really get me down or cause me to be less than honorable, they certainly aren't life or death issues. It's humiliating, yet they consume my energies and my thoughts. There is heartbreak. I've experienced it. Today's troubles are not that.
However, the grief I sometimes feel with Satan's lies can be very isolating. Sadly, I don't think the churches our family has been involved with are any good with grief, particularly deep grief and heartbreak. This has caused my husband and I to fall out of habit in attending church. So often after our son passed, people would say not only ignorant things, but some were awful. Scripture was often used as a weapon to judge, to measure our faith, or sometimes just as frustrating, as a hallmark card with little sensitivity. We therefore, sought the Lord in our home, but this only further isolated our family. Our daughter then suffered her own tragedies which again, the church had no ability to respond to, and we felt pushed away. Those were very black days (Psalm 42 was my song). During those times, I never felt more close to the Lord. He held me close and comforted me. He carried me through, but I also never felt more distant from His church.
Let me caution you when in the presence of a grieving woman, or bereaved and heartbroken. Do not use scripture as an attempt to provide comfort. We aren't ready to hear that. We can barely breath, let alone stand or contemplate your teaching. Jesus recognized this shortly before his arrest when he told His grieving disciples, I have much more to say, more than you can now bear (John 16:12). Don't try to fix the grieved. I appreciate the need to remedy, or maybe the challenge that if you were faithful, knowledgeable or wise enough, you could find the perfect scripture to eliminate the pain. I also think some believe that when Christian sisters are wounded, depressed and limp with grief that this detracts from the power and goodness of God, as if we don't have sufficient faith or can't recognize His love. Others feel our suffering is evidence that we have sinned and we simply need to repent, or believe in greater measure to overcome our circumstances.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)No one should carry the burden alone. The Bible is clear that while we sometimes don't know what to say, we better know how to respond. What I want my practice to be is testimony to the glory and power of the Lord. Did Satan think he could win by taking my son and having us endure incredible persecution? Bam! Take that Satan! God started this work in my life, and He will complete it!
I am taking my current sorrow to God. My pain and suffering, my drama, is all at His feet.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world! (John 16:33)I am not alone. I am not alone. I am not alone. No matter how I feel, God's Word would never lie. I am not alone!
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:17-19)Father God, My heart is weary and tired. I am afraid. I am worn. The storm is too loud and the waves too high. Hide me under the shelter of Your wings, for You alone are my refuge and strength. I offer this broken heart to you as a living sacrifice of praise to the God who will not allow the storm of grief to overtake me. In You I am strong! Amen.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Christian Theology
If you're a Christian, the process of Christian theology is founded on the Bible. Studying scriptural texts is Biblical theology. A proper study would include both New and Old Testament languages. Biblical theology would also make references to archeology, biblical back-ground studies, ancient politics, literature, culture, religious practices, and anthropology. Biblical theology aims for this questions, "What do the biblical authors say and mean? What message was being conveyed by these authoritative texts?"
My midwifery associate, Kristi, asked me, "What kind of theology are you studying?" I thought I knew the answer, but in sharing, I realized I wasn't as aware as I thought. Historical theology for example is not the same as Biblical theology, as it focuses more on the people who studied the scriptures and tried to live them out. Historical theology would ask, "How have real people understood and lived out the heritage of Christian revelation?"
Systematic theology then asks the question of today, "How do we understand the message of scripture." It is the study of interrelation and current understanding of Christian doctrines. This can be broken down into the study of salvation, study of Christ or the study of the last things and would also include literature, anthropology, science, culture, religion, archeology, and many more disciplines.
What is true? What is the reality of God? What is the reality of ourselves? This is what I have endeavored to study in this graduate program, a degree in Biblical Theology. What makes me a Christian? What is good? What is God calling me to do, in my world today? This becomes moral theology, with ethics and worship, but is still part of a systematic theology study. Another definition of systematic theology might be "talking about God in a Christian way."
Much of theology comes from scripture, tradition and reason. Understanding this alone has been a large portion of my study this far, and was surprisingly provided a greater learning curve than I originally anticipated. So off I go... on my way... intimidated and inspired...
My midwifery associate, Kristi, asked me, "What kind of theology are you studying?" I thought I knew the answer, but in sharing, I realized I wasn't as aware as I thought. Historical theology for example is not the same as Biblical theology, as it focuses more on the people who studied the scriptures and tried to live them out. Historical theology would ask, "How have real people understood and lived out the heritage of Christian revelation?"
Systematic theology then asks the question of today, "How do we understand the message of scripture." It is the study of interrelation and current understanding of Christian doctrines. This can be broken down into the study of salvation, study of Christ or the study of the last things and would also include literature, anthropology, science, culture, religion, archeology, and many more disciplines.
What is true? What is the reality of God? What is the reality of ourselves? This is what I have endeavored to study in this graduate program, a degree in Biblical Theology. What makes me a Christian? What is good? What is God calling me to do, in my world today? This becomes moral theology, with ethics and worship, but is still part of a systematic theology study. Another definition of systematic theology might be "talking about God in a Christian way."
Much of theology comes from scripture, tradition and reason. Understanding this alone has been a large portion of my study this far, and was surprisingly provided a greater learning curve than I originally anticipated. So off I go... on my way... intimidated and inspired...
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Theology
A few years later, one more adorable child, a precious grandchild, a doctoral degree and a great deal more confidence and I am back on blogger. Why? I was ran off by readers who were curious about the midwife with a growing practice, who calls herself a Christian, and who blogged openly about her thoughts, short-comings and her heart's desire. I didn't write to an audience. I wrote because in writing, I was better able to understand my thoughts. This is the process of my mind, but it left me vulnerable to all those curious readers who didn't care to understand, but instead were eager to criticize and judge. Blogging was no longer cathartic. It was more like being picked on in elementary school on the play ground. I hadn't a mind of writing to be understood by others. I knew my intentions, and knew the state of my heart.
I am older now and in a new season of my life, and I return because it is more disconcerting not to document all the wonders I am privy too - especially the wonders of Simon - than to leave things unsaid, in the shelter of the silence. I am returning with optimism that I will care more about the glorious unfolding of the Lord working in my life, than the comments of men to anyone of my posts.
Tonight I am documenting my first step into a new season of life, my entry into yet another graduate degree - Biblical Theology. Why? I seek to better understand my faith.
I am older now and in a new season of my life, and I return because it is more disconcerting not to document all the wonders I am privy too - especially the wonders of Simon - than to leave things unsaid, in the shelter of the silence. I am returning with optimism that I will care more about the glorious unfolding of the Lord working in my life, than the comments of men to anyone of my posts.
Tonight I am documenting my first step into a new season of life, my entry into yet another graduate degree - Biblical Theology. Why? I seek to better understand my faith.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
A Mist
Scripture describes life as "a mist" (James 4:14) and "like grass" (Psalm 90:4-9). This is so incredibly intimidating to me particularly because I seem to figure it out better as I age and then have less time to put my new understanding to good use. However, I rest in the knowledge that the Lord too is aware of my short time here and knows when I have done all the good I am to do. I just feel like there is so much to teach my children, so many relationships to cultivate, and so much to do as a midwife. Is this holding onto my life though or seeking to bring glory to the Lord in my work?
We receive in proportion to our choosing to take the time and "call upon Him" in humble and earnest prayer. Do I feel as if I am falling short because I do seek Him in proper portion?
More often than I would ever having imagined, I see answers to my prayers and am always aware of the reality of His presence. I live in a culture that is ignorant to my calling and even many Christians are indifferent to its relationship to living in faith. There is a certain loneliness to being a midwife. I am given comfort though in my present situation, with only a hint of anxiety which motivates me to keep marching forward.
My children too are aging before my eyes. Their season is passing and I am frightfully aware that I haven't the influence on them I had anticipated. In fact my own childhood seems like a different lifetime.
The Lord is tender and compassionate. He waited for Noah.
It is important to me that the Lord noticed Noah, that He remembered him. Noah was the only righteous man in all the earth. It is so easy for me to say, "You always do this or do that, and don't remember the few exceptions." I certainly would have been so frustrated and angry, that I might have overlooked the good. It thrills me to know the Lord sees the flecks of good in me, the little things that are so often misunderstood or overlooked.
I also find it interesting that it is believed Noah spent 120 years building the ark, which is exactly how long the Lord now limits our own lives. This is when His final grace ends and judgement falls. Admittedly, I never saw the literal relationship between the ark and Jesus Christ in that Noah found refuge in the ark, and all who didn't entered demised. This is true too of Christ and the second coming.
Scripture gives more space to discussion of the flood than to either creation or the fall of man. It was the end of the old world, a world that rejected the Lord, and the beginning of a new era. Today for the first time I realized that just as water covered the earth in Noah's day, and he was protected from the calamity within the arc, we too will be covered by Christ and not suffer the fire that will cover the earth in the second coming. I had always had some anxiety with whether believers would be taken before, during or after the events of end times. It seems I have peace today that we will not suffer. However, those who will ultimately perish will bow. They will recognize the wrath of God whom they had steadily refused to acknowledge or serve.
The Lord has asked me to trust Him and I do have security in His promises for my life. He has "shut me in" so that worldly things cannot touch me as they may otherwise. I am protected in his arc.
We receive in proportion to our choosing to take the time and "call upon Him" in humble and earnest prayer. Do I feel as if I am falling short because I do seek Him in proper portion?
More often than I would ever having imagined, I see answers to my prayers and am always aware of the reality of His presence. I live in a culture that is ignorant to my calling and even many Christians are indifferent to its relationship to living in faith. There is a certain loneliness to being a midwife. I am given comfort though in my present situation, with only a hint of anxiety which motivates me to keep marching forward.
My children too are aging before my eyes. Their season is passing and I am frightfully aware that I haven't the influence on them I had anticipated. In fact my own childhood seems like a different lifetime.
The Lord is tender and compassionate. He waited for Noah.
It is important to me that the Lord noticed Noah, that He remembered him. Noah was the only righteous man in all the earth. It is so easy for me to say, "You always do this or do that, and don't remember the few exceptions." I certainly would have been so frustrated and angry, that I might have overlooked the good. It thrills me to know the Lord sees the flecks of good in me, the little things that are so often misunderstood or overlooked.
I also find it interesting that it is believed Noah spent 120 years building the ark, which is exactly how long the Lord now limits our own lives. This is when His final grace ends and judgement falls. Admittedly, I never saw the literal relationship between the ark and Jesus Christ in that Noah found refuge in the ark, and all who didn't entered demised. This is true too of Christ and the second coming.
Scripture gives more space to discussion of the flood than to either creation or the fall of man. It was the end of the old world, a world that rejected the Lord, and the beginning of a new era. Today for the first time I realized that just as water covered the earth in Noah's day, and he was protected from the calamity within the arc, we too will be covered by Christ and not suffer the fire that will cover the earth in the second coming. I had always had some anxiety with whether believers would be taken before, during or after the events of end times. It seems I have peace today that we will not suffer. However, those who will ultimately perish will bow. They will recognize the wrath of God whom they had steadily refused to acknowledge or serve.
The Lord has asked me to trust Him and I do have security in His promises for my life. He has "shut me in" so that worldly things cannot touch me as they may otherwise. I am protected in his arc.
Eve
I never considered that Eve died before she saw the fulfillment of God's promise to her. I wonder if she thought Cain was to be her savior and then in recognizing his own fall, what did she think this meant? She thought he came to save life, but instead, he took it. The guilt and regret she must have felt. She likely had no idea what was to come and how far that promise was beyond her own life. Did she think the Lord had not fulfilled His promise?
I have found a great deal of peace in knowing that our Perfect Father did not have children who were perfect. He potentially spent lifetimes with Adam, counseling, teaching, inspiring, and Adam was so easily led astray. Often society judges our children's poor choices as evidence of poor parenting. I realized very soon when my two oldest were well behaved beyond my parenting ability, that I couldn't take credit but is is harder for me to recognize as my children make poor decisions that it isn't directly my fault either. Generational sin seeps through our lives, but we each make our own decisions.
Cain and Abel came from the same stock, both living in the same environment and experiencing the same training. Cain's attitude of deep resentment against God in every circumstance was his downfall. Cain was potentially bitter, resenting God's judgement of his parent's sin and the unfair discrimination against himself. He did not thank God for what he did have from Him, nor enjoy a close relationship with the Lord. I have a son that I fear harbors a heart of bitterness. This is such a sad way to live life.
Catastrophic, life-changing acts of sin are the culmination of lifelong attitudes toward God and His Word that are discernible in daily thoughts and decisions that are distant from Him. Do not, like Cain, ignore this sin of bitterness until it precipitates an open crisis over which you have no control.
A persistent sense of grievance and self-pity is typical of a soul in rebellion against God.
I have always found Cain's exaggeration of his punishment enlightening. He puffed up the consequences and abandoned the Lord, not the other way around. The Lord tried to reassure him, to give him hope but he fled and let Satan twist his reality. Cain was more concerned with his punishment, than his character. Unlike David, who sought out God's mercy.
Lord, please let my heart be willing to hear painful truth.
I have found a great deal of peace in knowing that our Perfect Father did not have children who were perfect. He potentially spent lifetimes with Adam, counseling, teaching, inspiring, and Adam was so easily led astray. Often society judges our children's poor choices as evidence of poor parenting. I realized very soon when my two oldest were well behaved beyond my parenting ability, that I couldn't take credit but is is harder for me to recognize as my children make poor decisions that it isn't directly my fault either. Generational sin seeps through our lives, but we each make our own decisions.
Cain and Abel came from the same stock, both living in the same environment and experiencing the same training. Cain's attitude of deep resentment against God in every circumstance was his downfall. Cain was potentially bitter, resenting God's judgement of his parent's sin and the unfair discrimination against himself. He did not thank God for what he did have from Him, nor enjoy a close relationship with the Lord. I have a son that I fear harbors a heart of bitterness. This is such a sad way to live life.
Catastrophic, life-changing acts of sin are the culmination of lifelong attitudes toward God and His Word that are discernible in daily thoughts and decisions that are distant from Him. Do not, like Cain, ignore this sin of bitterness until it precipitates an open crisis over which you have no control.
A persistent sense of grievance and self-pity is typical of a soul in rebellion against God.
I have always found Cain's exaggeration of his punishment enlightening. He puffed up the consequences and abandoned the Lord, not the other way around. The Lord tried to reassure him, to give him hope but he fled and let Satan twist his reality. Cain was more concerned with his punishment, than his character. Unlike David, who sought out God's mercy.
Lord, please let my heart be willing to hear painful truth.
Sin
When Eve ate the apple, she didn't simply harm herself. Sin reaches beyond the original sinner. Sin is infectious. Personal sin always affects those around us and invades our relationships.
The immediate result of Adam and Eve's disobedience was that their eyes were opened. They knew they were naked. Is it possible that prior to the fall, the garment of light that God was said to be clothed, which is the outward shining manifestation of His glory, had been given in part to them? When sin entered, the original glory they had had from creation left them and they were naked. Their sin was revealed.
I learned from Adam and Eve, that there is no real confession if you also partly blame someone else.
The immediate result of Adam and Eve's disobedience was that their eyes were opened. They knew they were naked. Is it possible that prior to the fall, the garment of light that God was said to be clothed, which is the outward shining manifestation of His glory, had been given in part to them? When sin entered, the original glory they had had from creation left them and they were naked. Their sin was revealed.
I learned from Adam and Eve, that there is no real confession if you also partly blame someone else.
The Fall
Eve's first mistake was engaging in conversation with Satan. Do I do this? I think I do at times, which is quite convicting. I generally talk myself out of it, but I do play around with the idea and let Satan try to convince me at times.
Satan is fabulous at revising, generalizing, and embellishing. He's a schemer (Ephesians 6:11). It is easy to become his victim. When we don't want to come under God's authority, we begin to question the Word and Satan is available to validate our rationale.
Satan creates Doubt. "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
He discourages us. Creates a diversion. He appealed to Eve's self-determined "rights" and plasures through a lie that created a lust within Eve. The serpent focused Eve's attention upon the one prohibition until she forgot that everything else in the garden was hers. She may have wondered whether she was being unjustly kept from something good. The serpent planted in Eve's heart a seed of discontent with God and her circumstances.
Defeats us and causes us delays. "You will not surely die," he said. The devil caused her to lose her healthy fear of disobeying God and to doubt His word concerning punishment. Adam and Eve did die immediately in spirit, and in time, they also died physically.
Eve didn't just eat the apple; she made a serious of small choices that led to the fall. When presented with the choice to doubt God's Word, Eve should have refused to listen further out of loyalty to God. She should have shut the door in her mind and cried out to the Lord. She could have turned to Adam to help her resist the temptation.
I think another important point to the fall is that Adam and Eve weren't cursed, they were given consequences. Was Eve's consequence simply painful childbirth as many believe, or pain in child-rearing which includes her oldest murdering his brother? She lost her son to evil and that pain is greater than any labor a woman may endure.
"The Lord banished them from the garden, but He gave them hope. He provided a way back. When God created Adam and Eve in His own image, He did not intend for them to love and obey Him simply because they had no choice. The man and woman would mature spiritually as they learned from God to choose good instead of evil (Hebrews 5:14). They had the opportunity and responsibility to exercise their will, to choose deliberately either for God or against God, through their response to God's generosity to them and then His clear direction" (BSF, 2013, Lesson 5). As with all of God's tests, the test of the two trees held the potential for blessing.
Imagine having eaten the apple, not only did they hear the voice of their Father calling them but immediately upon eating the apple, they had full knowledge of their sin. I imagine the truth overcoming them like a storm. They could hear it from the distance, smell it even. Colors began to change and they were soon enveloped by the truth, crouching in fear of what they had done and what they know to be true. They realized that their knowledge of good now was that they could not attain it.
Satan is fabulous at revising, generalizing, and embellishing. He's a schemer (Ephesians 6:11). It is easy to become his victim. When we don't want to come under God's authority, we begin to question the Word and Satan is available to validate our rationale.
Satan creates Doubt. "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
He discourages us. Creates a diversion. He appealed to Eve's self-determined "rights" and plasures through a lie that created a lust within Eve. The serpent focused Eve's attention upon the one prohibition until she forgot that everything else in the garden was hers. She may have wondered whether she was being unjustly kept from something good. The serpent planted in Eve's heart a seed of discontent with God and her circumstances.
Defeats us and causes us delays. "You will not surely die," he said. The devil caused her to lose her healthy fear of disobeying God and to doubt His word concerning punishment. Adam and Eve did die immediately in spirit, and in time, they also died physically.
Eve didn't just eat the apple; she made a serious of small choices that led to the fall. When presented with the choice to doubt God's Word, Eve should have refused to listen further out of loyalty to God. She should have shut the door in her mind and cried out to the Lord. She could have turned to Adam to help her resist the temptation.
I think another important point to the fall is that Adam and Eve weren't cursed, they were given consequences. Was Eve's consequence simply painful childbirth as many believe, or pain in child-rearing which includes her oldest murdering his brother? She lost her son to evil and that pain is greater than any labor a woman may endure.
"The Lord banished them from the garden, but He gave them hope. He provided a way back. When God created Adam and Eve in His own image, He did not intend for them to love and obey Him simply because they had no choice. The man and woman would mature spiritually as they learned from God to choose good instead of evil (Hebrews 5:14). They had the opportunity and responsibility to exercise their will, to choose deliberately either for God or against God, through their response to God's generosity to them and then His clear direction" (BSF, 2013, Lesson 5). As with all of God's tests, the test of the two trees held the potential for blessing.
Imagine having eaten the apple, not only did they hear the voice of their Father calling them but immediately upon eating the apple, they had full knowledge of their sin. I imagine the truth overcoming them like a storm. They could hear it from the distance, smell it even. Colors began to change and they were soon enveloped by the truth, crouching in fear of what they had done and what they know to be true. They realized that their knowledge of good now was that they could not attain it.
Adam and God
I touched on this in a previous post, that the Lord never stopped working. God took personal joy in His universe, yet He did not cease from all activity. Jesus said that His Father and He were always working (John 5:17).
God created Adam, but not by a word of command as the rest of creation. The Lord Himself formed Adam from the dust of the earth, then breathed into Adam the very breath of His own life. In a unique way, God gave something of himself in the direct person-to-person creation. From the very beginning, God's man was very close to Him.
Not only did He delight in creating man by His own hands, but Eden means "park" and conveys the idea of bliss. The Lord designed for us a luxurious garden. As I also mentioned before, I wonder about the relationship Adam had with the Lord. Did he train Adam to cultivate the gardens? There were no thorns or reluctant soil to frustrate him. He worked without tension or strain. Did he delight in this work? Did it stimulate him and challenge him?
Adam may have understood or been shown more than we know now about the movement of the galaxies and the ecosystems of rivers and forests. Can you imagine his spiritual life, how deep it was, if he remained in direct and constant communication with the Lord?
The Lord surely would have taught Adam how to exercise caution in caring for His good earth. If I were to hand over my practice to a successor, certainly I would offer them some level of guidance, an internship possibly, so they could care for it and maintain the fruit I have worked so greatly to obtain.
As Adam was naming animals, did the Lord teach him about their peculiar characteristics? Did he teach him language, investigation and how to best articulate himself? When did Adam discover that no animal could respond to his own deepening need for human companionship?
I realized during this study, that the first sacrifice was when God created a garment of skin from an animal to cover Adam and Eve's naked bodies, after their sin.
God created Adam, but not by a word of command as the rest of creation. The Lord Himself formed Adam from the dust of the earth, then breathed into Adam the very breath of His own life. In a unique way, God gave something of himself in the direct person-to-person creation. From the very beginning, God's man was very close to Him.
Not only did He delight in creating man by His own hands, but Eden means "park" and conveys the idea of bliss. The Lord designed for us a luxurious garden. As I also mentioned before, I wonder about the relationship Adam had with the Lord. Did he train Adam to cultivate the gardens? There were no thorns or reluctant soil to frustrate him. He worked without tension or strain. Did he delight in this work? Did it stimulate him and challenge him?
Adam may have understood or been shown more than we know now about the movement of the galaxies and the ecosystems of rivers and forests. Can you imagine his spiritual life, how deep it was, if he remained in direct and constant communication with the Lord?
The Lord surely would have taught Adam how to exercise caution in caring for His good earth. If I were to hand over my practice to a successor, certainly I would offer them some level of guidance, an internship possibly, so they could care for it and maintain the fruit I have worked so greatly to obtain.
As Adam was naming animals, did the Lord teach him about their peculiar characteristics? Did he teach him language, investigation and how to best articulate himself? When did Adam discover that no animal could respond to his own deepening need for human companionship?
I realized during this study, that the first sacrifice was when God created a garment of skin from an animal to cover Adam and Eve's naked bodies, after their sin.
Chapter Two Genesis
As I've mentioned, studying chapter one of Genesis has for me been a moment of really seeing God's majesty. Chapter two however, is where He builds a personal relationship. Maybe shamefully, sometimes I think the tragedies in my life are because the Lord is earnestly seeking my attention. He wants me really close to Him.
I love reading about the relationship between Adam, ruler over God's creation, and His Father. Did they walk together? Did the Lord teach him about the animals? Did he teach him about the earth, its healing qualities? Adam named the animals before Eve was even created. How long did this take? How long did Adam and Eve walk in fellowship together before Eve was created? I am no longer under the illusion that these seven days were in fact twenty-four hours each, so now I wonder about Adam and God's intimate relationship. What knowledge did Adam have that was not passed down to his children. What incredible closeness Adam must have had with his creator, and the understanding he had of nature may have been far greater than what we believe to understand today!
May the Lord's beauty and love rest upon me.
The seventh day is somewhat a misconception as well, among Christians. The Lord rested, but this is not to be confused with slumber. The Lord was satisfied, and delighted with His work. It wasn't about rehabilitation, but rejuvenation. He saw all that He had done, and it was good. And He rested.
I love reading about the relationship between Adam, ruler over God's creation, and His Father. Did they walk together? Did the Lord teach him about the animals? Did he teach him about the earth, its healing qualities? Adam named the animals before Eve was even created. How long did this take? How long did Adam and Eve walk in fellowship together before Eve was created? I am no longer under the illusion that these seven days were in fact twenty-four hours each, so now I wonder about Adam and God's intimate relationship. What knowledge did Adam have that was not passed down to his children. What incredible closeness Adam must have had with his creator, and the understanding he had of nature may have been far greater than what we believe to understand today!
May the Lord's beauty and love rest upon me.
The seventh day is somewhat a misconception as well, among Christians. The Lord rested, but this is not to be confused with slumber. The Lord was satisfied, and delighted with His work. It wasn't about rehabilitation, but rejuvenation. He saw all that He had done, and it was good. And He rested.
Garment of Light
Psalm 104:2 speaks of light being the garment of God. I simply can't imagine... but do I try. The visible shining light by which God sometimes manifested His presence is the outshining of His glorious moral being. And will this too, be our glorified bodies in eternal life? In God, there is no darkness at all.
Another gem the Lord reminded me of while studying Genesis is His love of boundaries, of order. He set boundaries to the waters and lowered and raised the earth so that dry land appeared and water was separated. My life has come to enjoy the pleasures of peace and contentment, even great love, because I have finally recognized the importance of creating appropriate boundaries for oneself.
The Lord separated animals and plants into their various kinds. They were each made with their own unique DNA. Sharp boundaries separate class and family. "There are many varieties of both roses and orchids; yet no rose blooms on an orchid plant nor does an orchid ever bloom on a rose bush!" (BSF, 1984). When He temporarily removed His boundaries, the earth suffered the great flood of Noah's day.
I have suffered many heartaches because I was unwilling or incapable of creating my own boundaries. This is a lesson I am only now learning, and one I have failed to teach my older children. The Lord is aware, and will help me to remedy this handicap.
On the fourth day, the Lord began to regulate time by the solar system, laying the foundation for an ordered life. These great lights are used to build faith in His promises and cause us to worship Him. We were created for a loving relationship of fellowship with Him.
Another gem the Lord reminded me of while studying Genesis is His love of boundaries, of order. He set boundaries to the waters and lowered and raised the earth so that dry land appeared and water was separated. My life has come to enjoy the pleasures of peace and contentment, even great love, because I have finally recognized the importance of creating appropriate boundaries for oneself.
The Lord separated animals and plants into their various kinds. They were each made with their own unique DNA. Sharp boundaries separate class and family. "There are many varieties of both roses and orchids; yet no rose blooms on an orchid plant nor does an orchid ever bloom on a rose bush!" (BSF, 1984). When He temporarily removed His boundaries, the earth suffered the great flood of Noah's day.
I have suffered many heartaches because I was unwilling or incapable of creating my own boundaries. This is a lesson I am only now learning, and one I have failed to teach my older children. The Lord is aware, and will help me to remedy this handicap.
On the fourth day, the Lord began to regulate time by the solar system, laying the foundation for an ordered life. These great lights are used to build faith in His promises and cause us to worship Him. We were created for a loving relationship of fellowship with Him.
All for Us
One misconception about Christianity is that every person must hear the message or they may perish in hell, so being born in a third world country without a missionary might subject one to eternal damnation. Scripture tells us that all humans know in whatever way the Lord speaks to them individually. For very savage people, this may simply be through their witness of our created earth and their judgment will be according to that measure of understanding.
As well, we are taught that the Lord gives us our faith, so then what good does it do for us to witness if God will provide, or not provide, one's measure of faith? Salvation isn't as simple as our discipleship. We certainly haven't the ability to convince someone to follow the Lord if they haven't been blessed with sufficient faith. Just doesn't seem fair, huh?
And what exactly is the purpose of all this? Why did the Lord create the earth in the first place? One might argue that He is the creator, and therefore everything is about Him. I don't disagree, but I ask, "Does He need anything from us? Does He require our worship? Does He depend on our service for His glory?" I think not.
Rather, I argue that It's All for Us. Our witnessing is so that through teaching, we gain better understanding in our Father. And through our confession, our faith deepens. Through persecution, we seek Him. These arguments are one in the same, yes, I understand, but from another perspective... I am encouraged. Others won't suffer because of my failure to successfully witness, but my attempts to do so will deepen my relationship with God.
He did all this for us... as if He needs anything from us.
Before I get harsh commentary, Yes, I believe we were created to worship Him. Yes, I believe we were created to serve our Father. Yes, I believe we were created to glorify the Lord. No, I don't believe that is the end of the story. Our life here is not indefinite so our service and His glory are not limited to our life here on earth, but for the journey in preparation for our eternal lives. The relationship starts here. It was for us.
As well, we are taught that the Lord gives us our faith, so then what good does it do for us to witness if God will provide, or not provide, one's measure of faith? Salvation isn't as simple as our discipleship. We certainly haven't the ability to convince someone to follow the Lord if they haven't been blessed with sufficient faith. Just doesn't seem fair, huh?
And what exactly is the purpose of all this? Why did the Lord create the earth in the first place? One might argue that He is the creator, and therefore everything is about Him. I don't disagree, but I ask, "Does He need anything from us? Does He require our worship? Does He depend on our service for His glory?" I think not.
Rather, I argue that It's All for Us. Our witnessing is so that through teaching, we gain better understanding in our Father. And through our confession, our faith deepens. Through persecution, we seek Him. These arguments are one in the same, yes, I understand, but from another perspective... I am encouraged. Others won't suffer because of my failure to successfully witness, but my attempts to do so will deepen my relationship with God.
He did all this for us... as if He needs anything from us.
When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them? Psalm 8:3-4
human beings that you care for them? Psalm 8:3-4
Before I get harsh commentary, Yes, I believe we were created to worship Him. Yes, I believe we were created to serve our Father. Yes, I believe we were created to glorify the Lord. No, I don't believe that is the end of the story. Our life here is not indefinite so our service and His glory are not limited to our life here on earth, but for the journey in preparation for our eternal lives. The relationship starts here. It was for us.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Genesis
Noah, Samuel and I have joined Bible Study Fellowship again this year - the study of Genesis. This is the first year I've taken the older kids, although Noah attended when he was a preschooler. I was excited to return to such an in-depth study and love the Old Testament, but I suppose I felt like Genesis was really familiar to me and maybe I wouldn't have as much to learn as in previous years. The beautiful thing about our Lord, is that He always has more in store for you than you can imagine.
I've learned a lot from the various studies I have attended - history, culture, details, laws, God's love, His attention to detail, accountability, Christ's sacrifice, the commandments and why... but I think what I am learning from Genesis is that God wants us to comprehend to the best of our ability just how awesome He is and I mean awesome in the true meaning of the sense, worthy of awe.
I've always adored Albert Einstein and I adore science. I adore that Albert's great insight was that matter and energy are closely interwoven, that matter can be made from energy. What we see is made from what we do not see. God doesn't share how, but I find immense pleasure in the consistency of science demonstrating the Bible to be true. This is true in midwifery as well. Science continues to prove that the created plan for birthing babies is the safest method, with minimal interventions, is far superior than trusting in man's technology for sake of convenience or in fear.
I love as I read through Genesis that for the first time, I can see beyond the majestic creation and sense the Lord's excitement in his work. He delighted in His creation. He was thrilled at how much it would please his children. It causes me to consider my own stewardship. As I created my practice, poured my heart into it and saw that it was good, would I have even considered handing it over to someone who I knew would destroy it in front of my eyes? Do I give proper consideration to our natural world and do I rejoice in it's grandeur? Have I taught my children how to love and care for our world?
I suppose the Lord was satisfied, in spite of the suffering He may endure as we destroy His earth. The Lord Jesus Christ was satisfied in spite of His own suffering as we misunderstood and hung our savior on a cross. These past few years, and I feel so small in making such a comparison, I have been blessed with contentment. I have been ridiculed, isolated, ostracized, and mocked for my calling, and in spite of that, the Lord has provided great peace and contentment.
Heaven is the component of His creation that is left untold within Genesis, and to a large degree throughout the Word. The Lord separated the heavens from the earth in Genesis 1:1 and then all that comes after details His work on earth. I am still chewing on why this might be and what it means for us, but I am also perfectly distracted by the knowledge that He put the Holy Spirit within us to move us (Ezekiel 36:26-27) and like a love letter from Christ, the Holy Spirit is like ink on our hearts (2 Corinthians 3:3). We are to find focus here on earth and not become so heavenly bound we aren't any earthly good.
Did you realize that since the 20th century, scientists have rejected the idea that the universe has always existed? It's funny that I've always considered the debates of how the earth began, whether from an overwhelmingly huge explosion or God's spoken word, but I've never considered that they all agree - there was a beginning. Can you imagine though, never questioning the beginning of time, assuming that our reality has always existed and then one day "man" recognizes differently and all that you believed to be true is put into question. Every generation believes their way of life is complete truth, the best of the best, there is no other way, which is the twilight zone I live in as a midwife. People are fooled by their narrow-mindedness.
There are no dates in Genesis. Many have concluded that the earth was created in seven twenty-four hour days, but whose to say the first "day" wasn't a million years? The days were simply divided by the sun and these were God's work days, which should be measured in a divine way. Biblical genealogies too, use the term "son" for "descendants" so again, there may be generations between each record we are provided.
New for me this year too, is the vision of the Lord hovering upon the dark when His creation was still formless chaos. He was broody and cherishing His plan, His creation, and then said, "Let there be light." And there was. I take comfort in knowing the Holy Spirit is hovering over me.
I've learned a lot from the various studies I have attended - history, culture, details, laws, God's love, His attention to detail, accountability, Christ's sacrifice, the commandments and why... but I think what I am learning from Genesis is that God wants us to comprehend to the best of our ability just how awesome He is and I mean awesome in the true meaning of the sense, worthy of awe.
I've always adored Albert Einstein and I adore science. I adore that Albert's great insight was that matter and energy are closely interwoven, that matter can be made from energy. What we see is made from what we do not see. God doesn't share how, but I find immense pleasure in the consistency of science demonstrating the Bible to be true. This is true in midwifery as well. Science continues to prove that the created plan for birthing babies is the safest method, with minimal interventions, is far superior than trusting in man's technology for sake of convenience or in fear.
I love as I read through Genesis that for the first time, I can see beyond the majestic creation and sense the Lord's excitement in his work. He delighted in His creation. He was thrilled at how much it would please his children. It causes me to consider my own stewardship. As I created my practice, poured my heart into it and saw that it was good, would I have even considered handing it over to someone who I knew would destroy it in front of my eyes? Do I give proper consideration to our natural world and do I rejoice in it's grandeur? Have I taught my children how to love and care for our world?
I suppose the Lord was satisfied, in spite of the suffering He may endure as we destroy His earth. The Lord Jesus Christ was satisfied in spite of His own suffering as we misunderstood and hung our savior on a cross. These past few years, and I feel so small in making such a comparison, I have been blessed with contentment. I have been ridiculed, isolated, ostracized, and mocked for my calling, and in spite of that, the Lord has provided great peace and contentment.
Heaven is the component of His creation that is left untold within Genesis, and to a large degree throughout the Word. The Lord separated the heavens from the earth in Genesis 1:1 and then all that comes after details His work on earth. I am still chewing on why this might be and what it means for us, but I am also perfectly distracted by the knowledge that He put the Holy Spirit within us to move us (Ezekiel 36:26-27) and like a love letter from Christ, the Holy Spirit is like ink on our hearts (2 Corinthians 3:3). We are to find focus here on earth and not become so heavenly bound we aren't any earthly good.
Did you realize that since the 20th century, scientists have rejected the idea that the universe has always existed? It's funny that I've always considered the debates of how the earth began, whether from an overwhelmingly huge explosion or God's spoken word, but I've never considered that they all agree - there was a beginning. Can you imagine though, never questioning the beginning of time, assuming that our reality has always existed and then one day "man" recognizes differently and all that you believed to be true is put into question. Every generation believes their way of life is complete truth, the best of the best, there is no other way, which is the twilight zone I live in as a midwife. People are fooled by their narrow-mindedness.
There are no dates in Genesis. Many have concluded that the earth was created in seven twenty-four hour days, but whose to say the first "day" wasn't a million years? The days were simply divided by the sun and these were God's work days, which should be measured in a divine way. Biblical genealogies too, use the term "son" for "descendants" so again, there may be generations between each record we are provided.
New for me this year too, is the vision of the Lord hovering upon the dark when His creation was still formless chaos. He was broody and cherishing His plan, His creation, and then said, "Let there be light." And there was. I take comfort in knowing the Holy Spirit is hovering over me.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Hold Up Your Lantern
Another post from my old journal:
How far can you see?
A young boy was told by his father late one night to run to the barn to assist the animals. It was very dark and the boy was afraid. His father said, "Well, hold up your lantern." The boy replied, "I still can't see the barn."
"Well, how far can you see?"
They boys says, "Only to the apple tree."
His father says, "Well, go out to the apple tree." The boys walks, "...Now how far can you see?"
"The large tractor," the son answers.
"Go to the tractor and then hold up your lantern... and so on... now do you see the barn?"
"Yes, Father."
His father, our father, got him there safely. Step by step. Even though he couldn't see it initially. This is living by faith. Believing. Trusting. Hold up your lantern.
How far can you see?
A young boy was told by his father late one night to run to the barn to assist the animals. It was very dark and the boy was afraid. His father said, "Well, hold up your lantern." The boy replied, "I still can't see the barn."
"Well, how far can you see?"
They boys says, "Only to the apple tree."
His father says, "Well, go out to the apple tree." The boys walks, "...Now how far can you see?"
"The large tractor," the son answers.
"Go to the tractor and then hold up your lantern... and so on... now do you see the barn?"
"Yes, Father."
His father, our father, got him there safely. Step by step. Even though he couldn't see it initially. This is living by faith. Believing. Trusting. Hold up your lantern.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Drama
As I nursed the baby to sleep this afternoon, I grabbed an old journal off the shelf to read. Entry was from June 10th, 2002....
Something drastic has to happen to get any attention. David said this during yesterday's sermon explaining how some are brought to the Lord. The statement reminded me of most all situations I seem to find myself.
His analogy was of a man calling the police because someone was robbing his shed - 911 - 'sorry, we don't have any cars in your area.'
Thirty seconds later the man called back and said, 'Everything is fine now. I shot them.'
Police immediately arrive and arrest the men, then start asking questions. 'I thought you said you shot these men!'
His witty reply, 'I thought you said help wasn't available?'
Growing up and even still, the small things don't seem to motivate change. I sympathize with the suicidal, the criminals, the young, the mouthy, the belligerent... were they taught their simple presence, requests, needs were not good enough? Do they have to create a drastic situation to find help? Do I do this?
Do I then not call on the Lord until it is drastic? Do I earnestly seek him daily... in silence and solitude? Do I instead seek him for repairs - damage control?
Do I require drastic attitudes from my children? Do I show them the importance of their needs, wants, desires, presence, thoughts and love?
Lord... please help me to be faithful in my dependence on you for my daily bread. Help me to show my children they are precious in our sight.
Something drastic has to happen to get any attention. David said this during yesterday's sermon explaining how some are brought to the Lord. The statement reminded me of most all situations I seem to find myself.
His analogy was of a man calling the police because someone was robbing his shed - 911 - 'sorry, we don't have any cars in your area.'
Thirty seconds later the man called back and said, 'Everything is fine now. I shot them.'
Police immediately arrive and arrest the men, then start asking questions. 'I thought you said you shot these men!'
His witty reply, 'I thought you said help wasn't available?'
Growing up and even still, the small things don't seem to motivate change. I sympathize with the suicidal, the criminals, the young, the mouthy, the belligerent... were they taught their simple presence, requests, needs were not good enough? Do they have to create a drastic situation to find help? Do I do this?
Do I then not call on the Lord until it is drastic? Do I earnestly seek him daily... in silence and solitude? Do I instead seek him for repairs - damage control?
Do I require drastic attitudes from my children? Do I show them the importance of their needs, wants, desires, presence, thoughts and love?
Lord... please help me to be faithful in my dependence on you for my daily bread. Help me to show my children they are precious in our sight.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Midwifery without Fear
I have had some particularly challenging times in my life. I've come to appreciate faith as a spiritual gift that each believer is not equally gifted. I have witnessed sisters in Christ, great beacons of light, crumble in fear of man. As a homebirth midwife, one must get their eyes off their own weaknesses and inabilities and focus on God's provisions. The world will hate you.
II Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.
A snare is a trap. It's something that holds you and stops you in your tracks. It prevents you from moving freely and being able to make forward progress. It's not God that brings a snare; it's the fear of man that brings the snare.
Homebirth midwives often feel like the men of Israel facing Goliath. They focus on Goliath and his imposing stature. They can't see past the obstacle in front of them, albeit a formidable obstacle. The successful midwife faces him like David. They don't flee in fear. They rely on God's strength and ability.
God's message throughout the Word is, "Fear not." When Mary was presented by the angel, she had questions. Her questions were answered because she wasn't afraid to ask. Her focus was fixed on God and His Word. Rather than allowing fear and her own concerns to dictate the situation, Mary sought answers and trusted God.
The Lord can deliver us out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear... II Timothy states he has saved us from fear through power, love and a sound mind. The Holy Spirit gives us power. With His power we can expect His super abundant blessings. Love is the antidote for fear. Love is the light in darkness.
In addition to His love and power, God has given us a sound mind. We gain victory in believing God's Word and then disciplining our minds to carry it out. God gave us the ability to choose the thoughts we think. We can choose to think and believe God's Word in each challenging situation. As we do, we eliminate fear.
A sound mind means to be sober-minded, controlling negative thoughts with self-restraint. A sound mind demonstrates good judgment and wisdom. Disciplined thinking. Our lives are determined by what we think. Our lives are determined by what we believe. Since all believing starts with thinking, we want to discipline our sound minds to think of ourselves as God sees us.
We must not float along in our mind, day-dreaming or fantasizing freely. There is a duty to be a disciplined thinker. The power to determine what you will not think about is a valuable aid in resisting temptation. Do not allow mental, moral, or spiritual deterioration. Have knowledge of yourself. Know where you are and redirect yourself. I have often asked God, "remove these thoughts from my head." He has done so immediately, every single time.
The key is to run from these thoughts. Don't dwell. Keeping our minds on God allows us to enjoy His perfect peace. What we think on we will manifest. We cannot rise above what we think.
Romans 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
II Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.
A snare is a trap. It's something that holds you and stops you in your tracks. It prevents you from moving freely and being able to make forward progress. It's not God that brings a snare; it's the fear of man that brings the snare.
Homebirth midwives often feel like the men of Israel facing Goliath. They focus on Goliath and his imposing stature. They can't see past the obstacle in front of them, albeit a formidable obstacle. The successful midwife faces him like David. They don't flee in fear. They rely on God's strength and ability.
God's message throughout the Word is, "Fear not." When Mary was presented by the angel, she had questions. Her questions were answered because she wasn't afraid to ask. Her focus was fixed on God and His Word. Rather than allowing fear and her own concerns to dictate the situation, Mary sought answers and trusted God.
The Lord can deliver us out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear... II Timothy states he has saved us from fear through power, love and a sound mind. The Holy Spirit gives us power. With His power we can expect His super abundant blessings. Love is the antidote for fear. Love is the light in darkness.
In addition to His love and power, God has given us a sound mind. We gain victory in believing God's Word and then disciplining our minds to carry it out. God gave us the ability to choose the thoughts we think. We can choose to think and believe God's Word in each challenging situation. As we do, we eliminate fear.
A sound mind means to be sober-minded, controlling negative thoughts with self-restraint. A sound mind demonstrates good judgment and wisdom. Disciplined thinking. Our lives are determined by what we think. Our lives are determined by what we believe. Since all believing starts with thinking, we want to discipline our sound minds to think of ourselves as God sees us.
We must not float along in our mind, day-dreaming or fantasizing freely. There is a duty to be a disciplined thinker. The power to determine what you will not think about is a valuable aid in resisting temptation. Do not allow mental, moral, or spiritual deterioration. Have knowledge of yourself. Know where you are and redirect yourself. I have often asked God, "remove these thoughts from my head." He has done so immediately, every single time.
The key is to run from these thoughts. Don't dwell. Keeping our minds on God allows us to enjoy His perfect peace. What we think on we will manifest. We cannot rise above what we think.
Romans 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Another Cookie Crumb
Since my son's death, I have asked the Lord for understanding. He has been faithful, merciful, and provided me a crumb, but no more than a crumb and not until the exact moment He desired. Each time I was also reminded to be a big girl and use that crumb to understand His Love, His Protection and His Will rather than let the painful truths of this world conquer me. He makes continually clear that He has a job for me and expects me to stay on task, in faith.
Today, the crumb I was provided came through a client's journey through her pregnancy and birth. I'll admit that each of my clients are rather special and I treasure nothing more than just sitting and getting to know them, but this particular couple I genuinely wish we could have weekly devotions together. Great thinkers. Inspiring. Faithful. Accountable. The Lord has blessed me with a few of those people in my life lately.
This couple, who I have never met prior to our initial interview, is within the social group I found such refuge prior to my son's death. I have shared on my blog before that the church my husband and I were baptized in was a genuine saving grace for us. The minister was phenomenal and still one of my most favorite people. The years I spent serving in that church are truly some of the most precious moments of my life. We moved a bit too north to stay actively involved so sought out another church during my pregnancy with Lyric, yet still thought of them as our family. Ironically, only two people from the church, none from my mid-week Bible study group, came to our son's funeral and we were a bit dumbfounded.
They were our only family and we were rather surprised to have been so forgotten in such a short time period. We never really returned to this church because honestly, I feared I harbored some bitterness. It was painful and I had no ability to understand their abandonment. However, I was also well aware of how I can be a person of good intentions and clearly have let way more people down than I care to admit. Over the years, I have simply come to remember that time in our life as where the Lord chose to put a fire under me as a baby Christian. I am grateful but clearly, their vision of me must remain that of a baby Christian.
As this client's pregnancy has progressed we have shared sweet memories about particular people in the church and they have briefly shared some of their struggles as others have persecuted their decision to birth at home with a midwife. I wasn't surprised as I was pursuing midwifery while a member there and was told by my spiritual mentor that she thought midwifery was crazy, "Why would any woman want to birth without an epidural! I wanted mine immediately!" I was speechless that this particular women, who I had viewed as the epiphany of faithful living, was blind to her own idol. She was completely unaware that she was pushing the Lord out of her pregnancy and birthing experiences. I think that was genuinely the first time I realized that Great Spiritual Mentors are also, human. My eyes needed to remain in the Word and from that point forward, they did.
This particular family I met with today had a fabulous pregnancy, a beautiful birth, and a joyful postpartum experience. They are bathing in the blessing the Lord has promised them for their faithful obedience. (Not that homebirth is His will for everyone, but it was for this family and they followed in complete faith facing the persecution with great honor.)
Today, the family met yet another persecutor and I think Dad was searching for a tiny bit of validation that his faith wasn't blind or prideful. He was seeking more truth to better understand the Lord's direction. I think He left even more on fire after our visit and I am grateful the Lord continues to demonstrate that He has every tiny speckle of my life covered. I don't want to share too much of the revelations I was offered today and appear to dishonor any particular sister in Christ, but I was reminded that faith is a spiritual gift.
There have been many times in my spiritual walk that I have been judged for not serving enough, not giving enough, not being a shepherd or teacher, but I know that the Lord has blessed me abundantly with faith and with encouragement. I know this also means that while I am no more gifted at service, there are others of little faith. They are no less in love with the Lord as I. However, this also means that my line of work terrifies them. It means that my faith can intimidate them, just as I can be intimidated by their acts of service. It reminds me that as long as I am in the will of God, I can expect to be persecuted as Christ was and is...and that I will remain separated from the world...I will seek His Holiness.
Thank-you Sarah for reminding me that my presence isn't always what others reject, but the memory and pain I might bring them in remembering our tragedy. Please bring peace to those that still harbor fear because of Lyric's death.
Thank-you Friends for reminding me that the Lord will use a single thread to guide you, like a bumper magnet, and what He asks is to be sensitive to His voice. Please sharpen my awareness to the Holy Spirit so that I can remain in Your will at all times.
Thank-you Lord for reminding me that you will always have my back. Thank-you for understanding me, for loving me, for lifting my burdens and for providing me such peace. Thank-you for teaching me. Thank-you for forgiving me and most importantly, thank-you for gifting me with faith in your saving grace.
Today, the crumb I was provided came through a client's journey through her pregnancy and birth. I'll admit that each of my clients are rather special and I treasure nothing more than just sitting and getting to know them, but this particular couple I genuinely wish we could have weekly devotions together. Great thinkers. Inspiring. Faithful. Accountable. The Lord has blessed me with a few of those people in my life lately.
This couple, who I have never met prior to our initial interview, is within the social group I found such refuge prior to my son's death. I have shared on my blog before that the church my husband and I were baptized in was a genuine saving grace for us. The minister was phenomenal and still one of my most favorite people. The years I spent serving in that church are truly some of the most precious moments of my life. We moved a bit too north to stay actively involved so sought out another church during my pregnancy with Lyric, yet still thought of them as our family. Ironically, only two people from the church, none from my mid-week Bible study group, came to our son's funeral and we were a bit dumbfounded.
They were our only family and we were rather surprised to have been so forgotten in such a short time period. We never really returned to this church because honestly, I feared I harbored some bitterness. It was painful and I had no ability to understand their abandonment. However, I was also well aware of how I can be a person of good intentions and clearly have let way more people down than I care to admit. Over the years, I have simply come to remember that time in our life as where the Lord chose to put a fire under me as a baby Christian. I am grateful but clearly, their vision of me must remain that of a baby Christian.
As this client's pregnancy has progressed we have shared sweet memories about particular people in the church and they have briefly shared some of their struggles as others have persecuted their decision to birth at home with a midwife. I wasn't surprised as I was pursuing midwifery while a member there and was told by my spiritual mentor that she thought midwifery was crazy, "Why would any woman want to birth without an epidural! I wanted mine immediately!" I was speechless that this particular women, who I had viewed as the epiphany of faithful living, was blind to her own idol. She was completely unaware that she was pushing the Lord out of her pregnancy and birthing experiences. I think that was genuinely the first time I realized that Great Spiritual Mentors are also, human. My eyes needed to remain in the Word and from that point forward, they did.
This particular family I met with today had a fabulous pregnancy, a beautiful birth, and a joyful postpartum experience. They are bathing in the blessing the Lord has promised them for their faithful obedience. (Not that homebirth is His will for everyone, but it was for this family and they followed in complete faith facing the persecution with great honor.)
Today, the family met yet another persecutor and I think Dad was searching for a tiny bit of validation that his faith wasn't blind or prideful. He was seeking more truth to better understand the Lord's direction. I think He left even more on fire after our visit and I am grateful the Lord continues to demonstrate that He has every tiny speckle of my life covered. I don't want to share too much of the revelations I was offered today and appear to dishonor any particular sister in Christ, but I was reminded that faith is a spiritual gift.
There have been many times in my spiritual walk that I have been judged for not serving enough, not giving enough, not being a shepherd or teacher, but I know that the Lord has blessed me abundantly with faith and with encouragement. I know this also means that while I am no more gifted at service, there are others of little faith. They are no less in love with the Lord as I. However, this also means that my line of work terrifies them. It means that my faith can intimidate them, just as I can be intimidated by their acts of service. It reminds me that as long as I am in the will of God, I can expect to be persecuted as Christ was and is...and that I will remain separated from the world...I will seek His Holiness.
Thank-you Sarah for reminding me that my presence isn't always what others reject, but the memory and pain I might bring them in remembering our tragedy. Please bring peace to those that still harbor fear because of Lyric's death.
Thank-you Friends for reminding me that the Lord will use a single thread to guide you, like a bumper magnet, and what He asks is to be sensitive to His voice. Please sharpen my awareness to the Holy Spirit so that I can remain in Your will at all times.
Thank-you Lord for reminding me that you will always have my back. Thank-you for understanding me, for loving me, for lifting my burdens and for providing me such peace. Thank-you for teaching me. Thank-you for forgiving me and most importantly, thank-you for gifting me with faith in your saving grace.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Casting My Net
The past two weeks have been a bit crazy, but as with any drama, life lessons are learned. This past week, the Lord reconfirmed for me that midwifery is His request of me and to keep marching forward against the wind. We have had many clients present clinical scenarios that while evidence supports expectant management, or a watch and wait approach, the community standard is to intervene. Childbirth however never offers a guarantee. I can do everything right and we may still have a bad outcome. This allows fear to creep into the mind of the provider and we begin to ask ourselves, "What will other professionals think? Will I be held liable simply because I didn't follow the crowd?"
I have had strong conviction that if I am the only one to stand on evidence, then I will be the only midwife doing so. I learned several years ago the blatant difference between fearing man and fearing God. I continue to pray, step out in faith, and trust that even if I step into a storm, the Lord's glory will prevail. My staff doesn't always hold the same conviction however, and this past week, one of my loyal assistants crumbled under the pressure. Her net was full of desperation and despair.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Her fear was an opportunity for me to reexamine my faith, my walk, my sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. Am I still walking where He has led me? Have I started to walk on my own without listening for His voice? After prayer, I had little doubt that Satan was working to prevent us from throwing out our net and I needed to continue supporting my client in faith. I felt clear direction where to cast my net and as long as I followed Him, I would catch hundreds of fish. Overwhelmingly I was reminded...I will follow Him where ever He leads me...you will see much greater things...do you fear man, or your Father...great callings are those that are pursued with greatness.
I have a sense of joy as a midwife that doesn't make sense to the people in the world watching me. I am okay with that. I have peace beyond understanding. Holiness is, in fact, separating oneself from the crowd. I have learned through Old Testament studies that it is better to walk alone with the Lord into battle then to create relationships with false allies. As long as I hear direction to cast my net, I will do so. I have been well prepared for the storms ahead and have learned well where to find protection. I will have faith that I will catch babies in abundance.
I have had strong conviction that if I am the only one to stand on evidence, then I will be the only midwife doing so. I learned several years ago the blatant difference between fearing man and fearing God. I continue to pray, step out in faith, and trust that even if I step into a storm, the Lord's glory will prevail. My staff doesn't always hold the same conviction however, and this past week, one of my loyal assistants crumbled under the pressure. Her net was full of desperation and despair.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Her fear was an opportunity for me to reexamine my faith, my walk, my sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. Am I still walking where He has led me? Have I started to walk on my own without listening for His voice? After prayer, I had little doubt that Satan was working to prevent us from throwing out our net and I needed to continue supporting my client in faith. I felt clear direction where to cast my net and as long as I followed Him, I would catch hundreds of fish. Overwhelmingly I was reminded...I will follow Him where ever He leads me...you will see much greater things...do you fear man, or your Father...great callings are those that are pursued with greatness.
I have a sense of joy as a midwife that doesn't make sense to the people in the world watching me. I am okay with that. I have peace beyond understanding. Holiness is, in fact, separating oneself from the crowd. I have learned through Old Testament studies that it is better to walk alone with the Lord into battle then to create relationships with false allies. As long as I hear direction to cast my net, I will do so. I have been well prepared for the storms ahead and have learned well where to find protection. I will have faith that I will catch babies in abundance.
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