Yesterday, Mike took me to the high school parking lot and I was able to ride around a bit. I actually got into fourth gear for the first time and feel completely ready to take on the streets - country roads that is. I suppose this means I need to take the test for my learner's permit. Oy.
Prior to our ride however, Mike joined me at the new YMCA and we did a workout together. (Absolutely amazing YMCA by the way.) An interesting point, as most people know, where he is reserved, I am quite out-going. He is a pessimist and I am an optimist. His gut response is always no, and mine is typically that we can figure out how to make it work.
While at the gym, I became somewhat frustrated with him because after realizing he was lifting less weight than me, and performing fewer repetitions, I attempted to encourage him to discern his target range. I felt quite confident he could increase his effort without having any negative consequence, and more importantly, because his weight was so far below his ability, the machine was alarming that his repetitions were too quick and the weights were clanking. Clearly his arms and chest are stronger than my own, and I was barely breaking a sweat. I thought my weight alone would be his bare minimum. Mike was adamant however that he wanted to start low and avoid any soreness that might impact his work day... three days later. Avoid fatigue? Did he miss the point of physical exercise, particularly when the goal is to loose weight and build muscle?
Realizing I had disappointed him and myself when I became more adamant in my attempt to encourage him, I tried to better understand where my irritation was founded. I didn't feel he was giving the workout effort, which meant he would not gain benefit that would inspire him to commit to a long term exercise program, and ultimately, he would not join me as a partner in becoming more fit. It seems we don't do much together these days and I had really hoped joining the YMCA and organizing a workout plan would not only provide him a bit of wellness and make him feel better, but he would commit to it and enjoy his time there with his family. Maybe, by miracle, he would even be an encourager to me. However, it seemed quite clear that he was not engaged and like most other activities we do together, he retreats to his garage after day one.
On our ride home, forced into silence on the back of his motorcycle, I continued to ponder my frustration and consider my husband's unique assets. It seemed odd to me that I would have initially been so attracted to a man that was by most standards very meek and timid. I enjoy being active, even competitive, but also require a bit of encouragement and accountability, both of which he lacks completely. He is sexy on his bike though, and not much else builds up such confidence in him. Why is it that he can straddle one of the most powerful and eye-catching motorcycles on the street (or show trucks as when we first met), but lack this personality in all other aspects of his life?
I need to learn to ride. He enjoys it and while on the bikes, I get to be present with a very confident and joyful man. Lord, I pray that if it isn't your will for Mike to be my accountability partner, my encourager, in becoming physically fit, that you connect me with someone that can provide Godly sisterhood in this respect. My husband deserves a wife he can enjoy looking at and my children deserve a healthy mother. My profession demands that I live what I preach. If it is my husband who I am to grow fit with, please assist me in respecting our differences and give him confidence to accept my encouragement as genuine support.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
“If you’ve spent any time around horses, you know a stallion can be a major problem. They’re strong, very strong, and they’ve got a mind of their own. Stallions typically don’t like to be bridled, and they can get downright aggressive—especially if there are mares around. A stallion is hard to tame. If you want a safer, quieter animal, there’s an easy solution: castrate him. A gelding is much more compliant. You can lead him around by the nose; he’ll do what he’s told without putting up a fuss. There’s only one problem: Geldings don’t give life. They can’t come through for you the way a stallion can. A stallion is dangerous all right, but if you want the life he offers, you have to have the danger too. They go together.” —John Eldredge, Wild at Heart
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Old Journal
I had written in my old journal about Keely's challenging preteen years: "Don't try to change her, rather pray for her to be used properly." Meaning God gave her this particular personality whether I appreciate that or not. Eph 4:32
I see the fruit in that statement now and must apply this to Noah's preteen years.
I had also made a large note with a box drawn around it: SIBLINGS LOVE EACH OTHER - Be Strict About This!
As well, You Only have ONE Season to Raise Your Children.
Every relationship you have - daughter/mother, son/mother, husband/wife, will soon be over. Be there Every Day. Listen and Obey the Lord.
Another intriguing thing about reading my old journal, is at this particular season of my life, the Lord seemed to be clearly outlining some direction for me. While I don't hold a huge amount of stock in personality or spiritual gift tests, because the Lord had me take three in the same month (at work, at a woman's retreat and again, in one of my undergraduate classes), I think He was trying to make a few things clear.
My strengths at the time were:
- Firm control when others are losing theirs
- Cut of decision for foggy minds
- Grip of leadership to head us to the good
- Willingness to take a chance in a doubtful situation
- Confidence to hold true in the face of ridicule
- Independence to stand alone and be counted
- Urge to 'take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them"
- Depth to see into the heart and soul of life
- Artistic nature to appreciate the beauty of the world
- Talent to create a masterpiece where nothing existed before
- Ability to analyze and arrive at the proper solution
- Eye for detail while others do shaddy work (My father always told me, "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.")
My weaknesses via this month of testing included:
- Inability to relax
- Must be in control
- Easily depressed
- Gets hurt easily
- Procrastinate because I would rather not start a project without everything in place than to take a chance it will not turn out perfectly
- Impose high standards on others
- Spend too much time planning
- Good intentions - little follow through
- Exaggerate facts
- Bored easily
- Trouble remembering names & dates
My husband however is a peaceful phlegmatic. In effort to get along better with him I need to realize he needs direct motivation, and I need to help him set goals and reward him for his accomplishments. I should not expect enthusiasm from him or force him to make decisions. I need to encourage him to take responsibility and don't let him take the blame.
I see the fruit in that statement now and must apply this to Noah's preteen years.
I had also made a large note with a box drawn around it: SIBLINGS LOVE EACH OTHER - Be Strict About This!
As well, You Only have ONE Season to Raise Your Children.
Every relationship you have - daughter/mother, son/mother, husband/wife, will soon be over. Be there Every Day. Listen and Obey the Lord.
Another intriguing thing about reading my old journal, is at this particular season of my life, the Lord seemed to be clearly outlining some direction for me. While I don't hold a huge amount of stock in personality or spiritual gift tests, because the Lord had me take three in the same month (at work, at a woman's retreat and again, in one of my undergraduate classes), I think He was trying to make a few things clear.
My strengths at the time were:
- Firm control when others are losing theirs
- Cut of decision for foggy minds
- Grip of leadership to head us to the good
- Willingness to take a chance in a doubtful situation
- Confidence to hold true in the face of ridicule
- Independence to stand alone and be counted
- Urge to 'take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them"
- Depth to see into the heart and soul of life
- Artistic nature to appreciate the beauty of the world
- Talent to create a masterpiece where nothing existed before
- Ability to analyze and arrive at the proper solution
- Eye for detail while others do shaddy work (My father always told me, "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.")
My weaknesses via this month of testing included:
- Inability to relax
- Must be in control
- Easily depressed
- Gets hurt easily
- Procrastinate because I would rather not start a project without everything in place than to take a chance it will not turn out perfectly
- Impose high standards on others
- Spend too much time planning
- Good intentions - little follow through
- Exaggerate facts
- Bored easily
- Trouble remembering names & dates
My husband however is a peaceful phlegmatic. In effort to get along better with him I need to realize he needs direct motivation, and I need to help him set goals and reward him for his accomplishments. I should not expect enthusiasm from him or force him to make decisions. I need to encourage him to take responsibility and don't let him take the blame.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Lamentations 2:19: "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children."
When my husband reaches heaven and asks the Lord why he was so blessed, wouldn't it be marvelous for the Lord to answer, "It was your wife, Penny. She wouldn't stop talking about you and the kids." Often the kids and I have focused on prayer as our annual theme for Bible studies. I think we'll rededicate ourselves to becoming prayer warriors.
I've read again today the story of Jairus, the man who called out to Jesus as his daughter died in Luke 8. Many parents have prayed the prayer of Jairus, yet many of us still face the death of our precious child. No pain compares. Jesus resurrected Jairus's child. Why not mine?
God understands my question. He buried a son too. He hates death more than I do. That's why He killed it. He "abolished death and brought life and immortality to light" (2 Tim 1:10). Death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. My son may not be in my arms, but he is safely in Christ's. I am just one step behind him.
My prayer life needs to completely clothe my children and husband. My Father knows my heart, my desires for my children and He cares. They were once His children before even my own.
When my husband reaches heaven and asks the Lord why he was so blessed, wouldn't it be marvelous for the Lord to answer, "It was your wife, Penny. She wouldn't stop talking about you and the kids." Often the kids and I have focused on prayer as our annual theme for Bible studies. I think we'll rededicate ourselves to becoming prayer warriors.
I've read again today the story of Jairus, the man who called out to Jesus as his daughter died in Luke 8. Many parents have prayed the prayer of Jairus, yet many of us still face the death of our precious child. No pain compares. Jesus resurrected Jairus's child. Why not mine?
God understands my question. He buried a son too. He hates death more than I do. That's why He killed it. He "abolished death and brought life and immortality to light" (2 Tim 1:10). Death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. My son may not be in my arms, but he is safely in Christ's. I am just one step behind him.
My prayer life needs to completely clothe my children and husband. My Father knows my heart, my desires for my children and He cares. They were once His children before even my own.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Eve
Eve has always intrigued me. I appreciate her horrendous fall, but as a woman who has been tempted by a few apples, I relate. I always thought I would name a daughter after her, life-giving. Can you imaging living in a world in which you have complete peace with both God and your husband, the only other person on the planet? Paradise.
Eve never knew embarrassment, misunderstanding, hurt, estrangement, envy, bitterness, grief, or guilt until she listened to her enemy and began to doubt God. Her sorrow was that her first born son would become a murder; her second son, his victim. Her joy was in knowing that her children would eventually destroy her enemy.
Eve was the first woman to conceive a child, the first to carry a baby in her womb. Did she understand the miracle taking place inside of her, prior to ultrasounds and advanced fetal testing? Did she understand the depth of a mother's love? Eve did understand that life was in God's hands. At Cain's birth Eve spoke, "With the help of the LORD, I have brought forth a man." (Genesis 4:1).
Eve likely labored with Adam at her side. Later the Old Testament introduces midwives which were present to assist women in childbirth. A birth stool is mentioned in Exodus 1:16. Women throughout the centuries have borne the results of Eve's sin. Childbirth has unified us in a common bond of expertise. The experience is both earthly and at the same time unearthly. There is toil, panting, mess and disorder combined with beauty, triumph and the birth of a precious child, a child of Eve herself.
Eve was created to be a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:21-23). This knowledge is quite convicting to me. I am continually mindful of whether I am helping my husband or he is helping me. Are we one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25)? I do believe we have the same vision and desires for our family, our relationship, our faith, and our ministry. We do compliment one another well. We do hold each other higher than any other earthly being.
Did the serpent wear down Eve with constant nagging and manipulative strategies? Did he explore her weaknesses and cause her to doubt her Father and her Husband? Genesis 3:6-7 says she ate the fruit because it was good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom. Who doesn't desire such things? Eve rationalized her sin.
Adam and Eve then passed the blame. Are any one of them more or less to blame? When times are tough in the gardens of the Lane household, we too, pass the blame. This is where dissension enters our marriage. According to the curses (Genesis 3:14-19) all were to blame. Not one received a lesser punishment than the other.
After punishing Adam and Eve, the Lord clothed them. Our God is a deeply tender Father. He provides, He cherishes, and He is very practical. He was immediately forgiving. He did not pout after Adam and Eve's stumble. He didn't ignore, belittle, or lash out. He provided consequences and then He provided for them. What a lesson in mothering.
Genesis 4:1-2: Eve recognizes the Lord as the source of life. Embedded in the curse put on Eve for her sin is also a wonderful promise. You "will give birth to children" (Genesis 3:16). His grace and mercy are evident even in judgment. When the world had become so sinful it had to be destroyed, the Lord saved Noah and his family. When judgment fell on David for his sin with Bathsheba, God's grace gave them Solomon as a son and successor. While on my knees, at my lowest times, I must never forget that His grace is still at work.
From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. -John 1:16
But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. -Romans 5:20-21
I was made in God's image. Yes, as a woman, I too can reflect his love, truth, strength, goodness, wisdom and beauty. Genesis 1:27 So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Lord, please forgive me for marring your image and preferring my own will to yours. Help me surrender my life to you always, so that you can fulfill your purpose in my life.
I can't imagine the garden of Eden, but it is my heart's desire. A place of great beauty. A place where all my relationships have peace. No suffering, physically or emotionally. No guilt, no shame. I was made for paradise. Although I haven't any realization of such paradise, I know full well the beauty in the Lord's blessings. It is beyond my comprehension how my current joys can be infinitesimal compared to those that await me in heaven, for "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).
Father, help me to surrender every sin and every sorrow to you, trusting that you will fulfill your purpose for my life. Help me to better understand your original plan for our world. Help me envision the beauty so I might live with a constant awareness that you intend to restore paradise to all who belong to you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Eve never knew embarrassment, misunderstanding, hurt, estrangement, envy, bitterness, grief, or guilt until she listened to her enemy and began to doubt God. Her sorrow was that her first born son would become a murder; her second son, his victim. Her joy was in knowing that her children would eventually destroy her enemy.
Eve was the first woman to conceive a child, the first to carry a baby in her womb. Did she understand the miracle taking place inside of her, prior to ultrasounds and advanced fetal testing? Did she understand the depth of a mother's love? Eve did understand that life was in God's hands. At Cain's birth Eve spoke, "With the help of the LORD, I have brought forth a man." (Genesis 4:1).
Eve likely labored with Adam at her side. Later the Old Testament introduces midwives which were present to assist women in childbirth. A birth stool is mentioned in Exodus 1:16. Women throughout the centuries have borne the results of Eve's sin. Childbirth has unified us in a common bond of expertise. The experience is both earthly and at the same time unearthly. There is toil, panting, mess and disorder combined with beauty, triumph and the birth of a precious child, a child of Eve herself.
Eve was created to be a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:21-23). This knowledge is quite convicting to me. I am continually mindful of whether I am helping my husband or he is helping me. Are we one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25)? I do believe we have the same vision and desires for our family, our relationship, our faith, and our ministry. We do compliment one another well. We do hold each other higher than any other earthly being.
Did the serpent wear down Eve with constant nagging and manipulative strategies? Did he explore her weaknesses and cause her to doubt her Father and her Husband? Genesis 3:6-7 says she ate the fruit because it was good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom. Who doesn't desire such things? Eve rationalized her sin.
Adam and Eve then passed the blame. Are any one of them more or less to blame? When times are tough in the gardens of the Lane household, we too, pass the blame. This is where dissension enters our marriage. According to the curses (Genesis 3:14-19) all were to blame. Not one received a lesser punishment than the other.
After punishing Adam and Eve, the Lord clothed them. Our God is a deeply tender Father. He provides, He cherishes, and He is very practical. He was immediately forgiving. He did not pout after Adam and Eve's stumble. He didn't ignore, belittle, or lash out. He provided consequences and then He provided for them. What a lesson in mothering.
Genesis 4:1-2: Eve recognizes the Lord as the source of life. Embedded in the curse put on Eve for her sin is also a wonderful promise. You "will give birth to children" (Genesis 3:16). His grace and mercy are evident even in judgment. When the world had become so sinful it had to be destroyed, the Lord saved Noah and his family. When judgment fell on David for his sin with Bathsheba, God's grace gave them Solomon as a son and successor. While on my knees, at my lowest times, I must never forget that His grace is still at work.
From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. -John 1:16
But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. -Romans 5:20-21
I was made in God's image. Yes, as a woman, I too can reflect his love, truth, strength, goodness, wisdom and beauty. Genesis 1:27 So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Lord, please forgive me for marring your image and preferring my own will to yours. Help me surrender my life to you always, so that you can fulfill your purpose in my life.
I can't imagine the garden of Eden, but it is my heart's desire. A place of great beauty. A place where all my relationships have peace. No suffering, physically or emotionally. No guilt, no shame. I was made for paradise. Although I haven't any realization of such paradise, I know full well the beauty in the Lord's blessings. It is beyond my comprehension how my current joys can be infinitesimal compared to those that await me in heaven, for "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).
Father, help me to surrender every sin and every sorrow to you, trusting that you will fulfill your purpose for my life. Help me to better understand your original plan for our world. Help me envision the beauty so I might live with a constant awareness that you intend to restore paradise to all who belong to you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Secret Blog
I suppose I should create a blog where I could post anonymously because there are so many fascinating experiences as a midwife that I know you would all find very intriguing. This week in fact, I have had numerous marital issues shared by clients that have really caused me to sit back and examine my own marriage, even question the relationships I have with my kids. I wish I could share with you their experiences so you would all know you are not alone. Not just in good company, but that person who you have always thought was perfect struggles with even bigger battles than your own.
I have had to look again at my children, who I'll be the first to admit aren't perfect, and ask for their forgiveness as I've been way too hard on them. I sometimes feel as if I have failed them so horribly that when they stumble it is a reflection on my parenting, that I have taken for granted my responsibility and damned their souls to hell. Disciplining children is intimidating. It is just too easy to give too much or too little. Either way, you could cause them to deny their God. I can't tolerate their sinful ways, but somehow I must find the perfectly Godly response and direction for them and soon because very soon they will have grown and moved out of my home.
Beyond the tremendously private and devastating circumstances my clients and friends have shared with me that would really make for an interesting blog, I would also love to share the very perplexing healthcare politics I experience daily. However, I know just how stinging it can be to burn a bridge and I would want nothing I have ever said or done to prevent a client of mine from receiving the absolute best care in the event of a transfer. However, I am sometimes stunned beyond words at the circumstances of our maternity healthcare system. I am absolutely flabbergasted at how monopolizing and manipulating and naive and ignorant and just down right nasty my own professional peers can be. It absolutely disgusts me. It is enough to make a Christian midwife curse.
I have had to look again at my children, who I'll be the first to admit aren't perfect, and ask for their forgiveness as I've been way too hard on them. I sometimes feel as if I have failed them so horribly that when they stumble it is a reflection on my parenting, that I have taken for granted my responsibility and damned their souls to hell. Disciplining children is intimidating. It is just too easy to give too much or too little. Either way, you could cause them to deny their God. I can't tolerate their sinful ways, but somehow I must find the perfectly Godly response and direction for them and soon because very soon they will have grown and moved out of my home.
Beyond the tremendously private and devastating circumstances my clients and friends have shared with me that would really make for an interesting blog, I would also love to share the very perplexing healthcare politics I experience daily. However, I know just how stinging it can be to burn a bridge and I would want nothing I have ever said or done to prevent a client of mine from receiving the absolute best care in the event of a transfer. However, I am sometimes stunned beyond words at the circumstances of our maternity healthcare system. I am absolutely flabbergasted at how monopolizing and manipulating and naive and ignorant and just down right nasty my own professional peers can be. It absolutely disgusts me. It is enough to make a Christian midwife curse.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Hunger in America
More than 14% of U.S. families - 17 million households - struggle to put food on the table last year, according to a USDA report that found Americans' food insecurity at its highest level since the government started keeping statistics on hunger in 1995. Nearly 7 million households skipped meals or experienced disrupted eating patterns. Most food-insecure households saw adults go without food to shield children from hunger, although 500,000 families reported that their children were also affected.
When Mike and I were first married we had little additional money and often ran out of the essentials - no more laundry soap, no toilet paper, or worse, no ketchup. We spent every Sunday, sometimes Saturdays, at my mother's house eating dinner and it was the one good meal we looked forward to each week. I felt like such a failure. Eating out was a real luxury.
Today, we have become fairly secure with the fact that we don't struggle to put food on our table, which in large part is because we garden, can fruits and vegetables, freeze meals ahead, and have a full cow and soon another pig frozen in our basement - almost three freezers full! The sad truth is, we continue to eat out frequently because we don't have enough time to cook all this fabulous food.
In my practice, serving young families, I am learning that it seems more common for families to struggle financially than it is for them to have a comfortable nest egg. Many of our families do struggle to feed their families at least once a week. We have served families that admittedly can't provide the birthing team a snack during their birth because they genuinely can't afford to purchase anything and/or at our postpartum visits, they haven't enough food to eat optimally. Some of our families don't have hot water because they lack sufficient funds to pay their gas bill. Others are frequently giving us new phone numbers, because they can't afford their land line. This is a sad reality, but one that reminds me of our early family struggles.
These stories can be a bit romantic - families sticking together through the tough times. Couples cuddling and watching movies because they can't afford to shop, or gamble, or get lost in their own expensive hobbies. Grandparents feel needed and are visited much more for all the same reasons. Blessings are more frequently realized and a great find in the Goodwill can really cheer up your day.
It seems once we start to gain financial security, relationships struggle. Husbands don't feel as needed. Grandparents feel isolated or challenged. It seems many friendships, even marriages, are created on the simple fact that one person needs the other. Success can threaten the link that previously bound these relationships. Dependency on each other can force you to stick together through the rough days.
Several years ago, our minister shared a sermon surrounding lottery winners and their ultimate happiness. Apparently, if you ask someone who has had a major tragedy in their life, and someone who has won the lottery, and even someone who has had neither great success or great tragedy in their life, the most unhappy person would be the lottery winner. I am quite confident that winning the lottery would separate Mike and I; therefore, I have never once bought a ticket. I simply think we would have different priorities and would not be required to work together if we had means beyond our needs.
Anyway, back to hunger in America...the kids and I have been without family for many years now on Thanksgiving, so we've made it a tradition to find a ministry in which to participate. I like to be creative and try new things, so typically we do something different each year. We have worked at a soup kitchen, visited and fellowshipped with the homeless, volunteered to work other's shifts at work so they can be with family, purchased meals for food closets and various other activities. We have invited friends over in the past who didn't have family local to celebrate with and once made a huge breakfast instead of turkey, so we could spend the holidays with all our extended family that had other homes to visit. This year we taught our children how to create a nice, easy Thanksgiving meal at home.
The key to a stress free Thanksgiving in our home is planning ahead...even cooking ahead! Wednesday evening, Keely made peach cobbler and pies. Noah, Samuel and I made deviled eggs (which is the first time I have ever made these and they were Fabulous!). We put together our green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and mashed potatoes, but left them to cook for Thanksgiving afternoon. Noah learned how to carve the turkey.
Next year, I think we'll be back out serving the community, although I am not sure yet just how. If I remember correctly, the local universities are often looking for families willing to host exchange students through the holidays while they close the dorms. Hum...we could bring them along as we work to decrease the 17 million families that struggle to put Thanksgiving dinner on the table. If you have a great idea, please leave it in the comments section!
When Mike and I were first married we had little additional money and often ran out of the essentials - no more laundry soap, no toilet paper, or worse, no ketchup. We spent every Sunday, sometimes Saturdays, at my mother's house eating dinner and it was the one good meal we looked forward to each week. I felt like such a failure. Eating out was a real luxury.
Today, we have become fairly secure with the fact that we don't struggle to put food on our table, which in large part is because we garden, can fruits and vegetables, freeze meals ahead, and have a full cow and soon another pig frozen in our basement - almost three freezers full! The sad truth is, we continue to eat out frequently because we don't have enough time to cook all this fabulous food.
In my practice, serving young families, I am learning that it seems more common for families to struggle financially than it is for them to have a comfortable nest egg. Many of our families do struggle to feed their families at least once a week. We have served families that admittedly can't provide the birthing team a snack during their birth because they genuinely can't afford to purchase anything and/or at our postpartum visits, they haven't enough food to eat optimally. Some of our families don't have hot water because they lack sufficient funds to pay their gas bill. Others are frequently giving us new phone numbers, because they can't afford their land line. This is a sad reality, but one that reminds me of our early family struggles.
These stories can be a bit romantic - families sticking together through the tough times. Couples cuddling and watching movies because they can't afford to shop, or gamble, or get lost in their own expensive hobbies. Grandparents feel needed and are visited much more for all the same reasons. Blessings are more frequently realized and a great find in the Goodwill can really cheer up your day.
It seems once we start to gain financial security, relationships struggle. Husbands don't feel as needed. Grandparents feel isolated or challenged. It seems many friendships, even marriages, are created on the simple fact that one person needs the other. Success can threaten the link that previously bound these relationships. Dependency on each other can force you to stick together through the rough days.
Several years ago, our minister shared a sermon surrounding lottery winners and their ultimate happiness. Apparently, if you ask someone who has had a major tragedy in their life, and someone who has won the lottery, and even someone who has had neither great success or great tragedy in their life, the most unhappy person would be the lottery winner. I am quite confident that winning the lottery would separate Mike and I; therefore, I have never once bought a ticket. I simply think we would have different priorities and would not be required to work together if we had means beyond our needs.
Anyway, back to hunger in America...the kids and I have been without family for many years now on Thanksgiving, so we've made it a tradition to find a ministry in which to participate. I like to be creative and try new things, so typically we do something different each year. We have worked at a soup kitchen, visited and fellowshipped with the homeless, volunteered to work other's shifts at work so they can be with family, purchased meals for food closets and various other activities. We have invited friends over in the past who didn't have family local to celebrate with and once made a huge breakfast instead of turkey, so we could spend the holidays with all our extended family that had other homes to visit. This year we taught our children how to create a nice, easy Thanksgiving meal at home.
The key to a stress free Thanksgiving in our home is planning ahead...even cooking ahead! Wednesday evening, Keely made peach cobbler and pies. Noah, Samuel and I made deviled eggs (which is the first time I have ever made these and they were Fabulous!). We put together our green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and mashed potatoes, but left them to cook for Thanksgiving afternoon. Noah learned how to carve the turkey.
Next year, I think we'll be back out serving the community, although I am not sure yet just how. If I remember correctly, the local universities are often looking for families willing to host exchange students through the holidays while they close the dorms. Hum...we could bring them along as we work to decrease the 17 million families that struggle to put Thanksgiving dinner on the table. If you have a great idea, please leave it in the comments section!
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